20 Signs the Transfer Window is Ruining Your Life
1. You try to offer women a “first option” on your company.
2. You only buy drinks during happy hour and last orders.
3. You refuse to become excited about anything unless it is relayed to you via a yellow, scrolling breaking news bar.
4. You begin to moot things.
5. You would never hire a cleaner because they can’t seem to keep secrets.
6. A gorgeous woman breaks up with her boyfriend and declares that she wants to date you. You ask her out and are her only suitor, so she and her ex buy a house together.
7. You won’t get into bed without first taking a picture of yourself holding up your pyjamas.
8. You’re in an awful mood because the ITKs only had bad news.
9. You wish that you could reload the pages of your newspaper.
10. You ignore the fact you have read it before and that it wasn’t true the first time.
11. You have dreams in which rival teams sign all the best players and then wake up relieved and in a good mood.
12. You misinterpret a cryptic ITK clue and become convinced that you are about to sign for Spurs
13. You “understand” everything, but are always wrong.
14. You ignore the fact you have read it before and that it wasn’t true the first time.
15. You believe that the transfer window shouldn’t be “slammed shut” so late at night.
16. For your anniversary, you call your girlfriend to a press conference and pledge that you have been given a huge war chest to spend on two or three top quality presents.
17. You can recall the names of at least 3 football agents.
18. You rename Sunday “Weekend Deadline Day.”
19. Your dog refuses to be taken for a walk. Sources close to the dog claim that it has been tapped up by Manchester United.
20. You would consider an offer of a list of 19 things as “derisory,” but settle for 20.