Is my boy too competitive, agression in Sport.

absolute bobbins

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#21
I think the school are making a mountain out of molehill but to curb it without curbing him, you need to basically tell him that he can’t hold school kids to his standards.

Perhaps get him to turn it all into a exercise, tell him to play with his weaker foot at school, it’ll be a leveller and it will improve his technique too.

Personally, I wouldn’t try and knock the will to win out of the kid, you need it to accomplish anything in life.
 

chinaman

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#22
And herein lies the problem and posted about it in the first place. As far as his coaches are concerned, he is bang on track and we shouldn't change anything. His actual behaviour itself is fine, it's just when he crosses that white line so to speak. I would worry it was just his coach at his current club but I have spoken to his parent club aswell and they are also happy. Don't get me wrong they have a very strict code of conduct, that has to adhered to and he has no problems with that at all.

The reason I posted was to see if anyone else had had experience, with this standard of sport coaching wise to see if it was common place.

I am sort of thinking about pulling him out if things don't improve but I know he might never get this chance again especially with the sponsorship programme from the Championship club who don't usually do this sort of thing. There were certain "who you know" strings pulled to put it into place if you know what I mean.

Send him over to Spurs so he can learn the proper way with our 2 Harrys.
 

Spurger King

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#23
I think competitive football at that age is one of the biggest reasons why English footballers are generally so far behind those of other countries.

In Spain they tend to focus on technical skills, and it's only much later that they actually play games. There's quite a sizeable Spanish community where I live, and whenever I walk past the Spanish kids playing football on the local pitch they're in small groups working on things like trapping the ball, headers, one-touch passing etc. Whenever I see the local English kids playing football it's always one team against the other and win at all costs, which counts for fuck all other than bragging rights for 24 hours.
 

Ionman34

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#24
Like I say it's starting to creep into other things. He has been sent home today for "violent behaviour". When I have gone into the school to see what happened his PE teacher said he was playing Rugby and tackled "too aggressively". When I asked him what that meant he said he had caught hold of a boy running to score a try and threw him to the ground. Now they were only playing grab rugby whatever that may mean so it may as I say have been over aggressive. I can understand him being reprimanded for it and even sent off during the game, but is this really classed as violent behaviour? Aggressive yes, I get that but his teacher even said he didn't think it was anything other than my lad trying to stop the other kid(who was laughing about it when it happened).from scoring and it wasn't malicious, but it was dangerous. My boy has played full contact Rugby for 3 years now for the local town side, and at school they are not allowed to. That is my point about instinct taking over and him going ott. What was against school rules would have been applauded on a Sunday morning. The problem is this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened, and a lot of that has to go down imo to schools being too soft/overly cautious, yet it is a rule and so should be adhered to. Question is how do you stop kids playing with instinct in some situations and not in others?
You don't mate. He's a kid and can't be expected to just switch it on or off at will.

Winners are competitive in everything that matters to them, as long as he's not going out of his way to hurt other kids there's really nothing wrong with what he's doing.

The problem is that the school seem to be trying to bring him down to a level that he's already surpassed. This will stunt his growth. We had a similar problem academically with my Son in Oz, he found maths boring because it was too easy for him. I basically had to demand they put him in a higher year group for his maths so that he was challenged.

I was the same when I played as a kid, at 15 I was training and playing with grown men for my Saturday league side, so school Football was a stroll. Rather than complain that his competitiveness is making him too aggressive for his age group, they should be looking at putting him in a higher level where he'll be matched, that'll help his growth whilst he pits himself against bigger and better kids.
 

Shanks

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#25
Trix which club mate?

My lads at Reading, 11 year old playing for u12’s this year.

There is a distinct difference between school ability and academy level ability.

This causes issues, the academy boys are fierce, quick, strong and taught to play at 100% all the time, where as at school, the kids aren’t used to that, and it causes shit.

I’ve got my lad being bullied, because he’s showing kids up, but he’s big enough to handle it!
 

Geyzer Soze

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#26
My boy has the exact opposite problem. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about winning

In fact, he came dead last in an 800 the other day at his school aths day. He was barely running. I asked him why & he said he felt sorry for the class weedy kid (my words not his btw!) & didn’t want him to come last
 
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'O Zio

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#27
Trix which club mate?

My lads at Reading, 11 year old playing for u12’s this year.

There is a distinct difference between school ability and academy level ability.

This causes issues, the academy boys are fierce, quick, strong and taught to play at 100% all the time, where as at school, the kids aren’t used to that, and it causes shit.

I’ve got my lad being bullied, because he’s showing kids up, but he’s big enough to handle it!
Blimey, things have changed! When I was at school there was a direct correlation between how good you were at football and how popular you were. No matter how much of a bellend you were, if you were good at football everyone wanted to be your mate. Now they're picking on people for being signed to an academy team? Barmy.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #28
Trix which club mate?

My lads at Reading, 11 year old playing for u12’s this year.

There is a distinct difference between school ability and academy level ability.

This causes issues, the academy boys are fierce, quick, strong and taught to play at 100% all the time, where as at school, the kids aren’t used to that, and it causes shit.

I’ve got my lad being bullied, because he’s showing kids up, but he’s big enough to handle it!
Sent you a PM bud:)
 

archiewasking

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#29
My boy has the exact opposite problem. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about winning

In fact, he came dead last in an 800 the other day at his school aths day. He was barely running. I asked him why & he said he felt sorry for the class weedy kid & didn’t want him to come last
I think (genuinely) that's really good. Being kind at an early age is a good barometer of where his head and heart are. If he's not as bothered about the race as another human being, you've got a good lad there, imvho.
 

montylynch

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#30
It also may have something to do with the school not wanting to be held liable if something happens and someone gets hurt. We live in a blame culture and we all know schools wrap kids up in cotton wool these days, no running in the playground, no break if it's raining in case the little darlings slip over. One call into Injury lawyers for you and it would get quite messy.
 

Geyzer Soze

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#31
I think (genuinely) that's really good. Being kind at an early age is a good barometer of where his head and heart are. If he's not as bothered about the race as another human being, you've got a good lad there, imvho.
Yes, i agree, and i am very proud of him. In fact it was widely noticed and as a result he was elected class president in the 'elections' the follwoing week, in no small part i think for his having taken this kid under his wing and normalising his life a bit (i described him as 'the weedy kid' which was not quite correct, the kid actually has Motor Neurone disease).

I would like him to be more competetive though!
 

eViL

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#32
I'm not a parent or a coach so not really qualified but happy to share my ill-informed view.

Essentially people need to learn good sportsmanship, fair play and that in certain situations you need to ease off.

His competitive spirit is helping him achieve in what I assume he wants to do. This is a positive.

But a lot of kids just enjoy a friendly kickabout. At school they expect a friendlier, less competitive game than a proper game with a ref.

Your son sounds like he is alienating himself from the other pupils. Eventually they might just stop playing or even worse telling him he can't join in at break time kickarounds.

I would advise having a word with him and telling him to ease off on the aggression during non-training sessions and organised matches.

He might find himself short of friends if he doesn't.
You should work for the FA.
 
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#33
You and your son need to find a way to deal with this before it has an adverse affect on his education. My experience is limited but one of my school friends was in a similar position to your son, he considered PE football as laughable and just pissed about. You could explore different options with the school, my daughter is an elite gymnast so the gymnastics they do at school isn't of much interest to her but her previous school (she moved in year 9 because of GCSE issues) used to like having her there to 'coach' the kids doing displays and competing for the school. I know two boys in the Saints Academy at U10 and U12 so I'll ask their parents if they have had any similar issues when I see them.
 

C0YS

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#34
Probably good from a sporting perspective, but its no surprise he gets in trouble for it. As long as it is not seriously harming his education or mental wellbeing I don't think its a bad thing per say, but at the same time the school isn't wrong either to see it as an issue.

Finding a balance though for when at school might just make everyones life easier though.
 

ILS

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#35
My eldest is the most competitive person I have had the privilege of meeting.. He is 8 years old. He is also currently at a pre academy and in that environment I have no issues with it.. But when he won't even let his 4 year old brother score a goal against him in the back garden it really does wind me up.

He is same at school which was brought up in his last parents evening. I mentioned to the teacher that I had noted in hia maths book that he gets pulled up on his presentation. I said that is because if you give him 40 questions he will need to be the first to do it and therefore his handwriting will be rushed. The teacher has noticed his competitive side and said he will embrace it as his mentality is different to the rest of the school but wants winners. Fair enough...which is different then what I thought teachers are meant to preach.
 
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StartingPrice

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#36
Hard to say, really.

Is it just the case that he needs to learn how to channel his aggression so he can control it and it only manifests itself when appropriate. Maybe you could enroll him in some kind of martial arts class, perhaps Aikido or something. Just a suggestion.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #37
You and your son need to find a way to deal with this before it has an adverse affect on his education. My experience is limited but one of my school friends was in a similar position to your son, he considered PE football as laughable and just pissed about. You could explore different options with the school, my daughter is an elite gymnast so the gymnastics they do at school isn't of much interest to her but her previous school (she moved in year 9 because of GCSE issues) used to like having her there to 'coach' the kids doing displays and competing for the school. I know two boys in the Saints Academy at U10 and U12 so I'll ask their parents if they have had any similar issues when I see them.

As in Southampton's official academy or Saints JPL? I ask because there is a massive difference, and nowhere near the same level of competitiveness.
 

Everlasting Seconds

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#38
You've probably already done this, but rather than changing him, I'd attempt to change his attitude to school PE. Try to get him onboard with a rationale focusing on just because he is physical able to, doesn't mean that he has to completely blow everybody off the pitch all the time. Try to get him to enjoy knowing that there is a time and a place for everything, and the place for being a future pro footballer in the making isn't at school. You can probably try to sell it to him by pointing out that if he is too committed one day at school, and if that leads to him picking up an injury which prevents him from performing for the football academy for a period, then the over committed behaviour would really backfire on him. That doesn't mean that he has to start being OK with losing. It just means that winning without being overcommitted must be acceptable to him when at school.
 
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#39
As in Southampton's official academy or Saints JPL? I ask because there is a massive difference, and nowhere near the same level of competitiveness.
Official academy, the younger of the two has been chased by Saints and others including Chelsea since he was about 6 the older one has just worked his socks off to get there. They are now realising that the hard part is staying there as every year the club can pull in kids from further afield.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #40
Official academy, the younger of the two has been chased by Saints and others including Chelsea since he was about 6 the older one has just worked his socks off to get there. They are now realising that the hard part is staying there as every year the club can pull in kids from further afield.

Yeah Saints have academies all over the south west where there are no big teams to compete with. The very best do get pulled into the Southampton academy eventually from these satellites.
 
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