Is my boy too competitive, agression in Sport.

Trix

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Thread starter #42
@Trix Is he still in primary school, or is he in the seniors now?

It's a three tier school system junior, middle and high school. He is in year 7 or third year of middle school. I have actually got a meeting planned for Monday with the deputy head and his PE teacher to talk about how we can best move forward. His club coach offered to come along as well, but the school didn't think it was appropriate(which I am not overly happy about). I think having an expert at dealing with kids in this environment would be something the school would and should welcome but apparently not.
 

nailsy

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#43
It's a three tier school system junior, middle and high school. He is in year 7 or third year of middle school. I have actually got a meeting planned for Monday with the deputy head and his PE teacher to talk about how we can best move forward. His club coach offered to come along as well, but the school didn't think it was appropriate(which I am not overly happy about). I think having an expert at dealing with kids in this environment would be something the school would and should welcome but apparently not.
I guess the school don't want to be shown up by someone who knows more about the subject than they do.
It's a difficult one as it sounds like he's at a different level to the other kids he plays with so he might need to dial it down a bit at this age. I'd be interested to hear what the schools approach is with kids who are ahead of their classmates in something like maths. Do they have to sit there in class and work within themselves, or are the put on a fast track program with other advanced learners?
 

bceej

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#44
. Not sure if this is the right place for this but just wondered what the good people of SC thought about Youth football and how competitive it is.

My Son is 11 and is currently on the books for a championship club, but due to our location he is being sponsored by them to play for another football league teams academy much closer to where we live. He has always been super competitive and losing to him is basically never an option. The problem is it is getting him into trouble at school, he is seen as too aggressive with the other children during PE and even in the playground where he is playing against kids that are not of the same mind set as him it is causing them to get hurt. The problem is the school are often on the phone and see at as him being violent. When I have spoken to his coaches at both clubs though they don't see it as violent at all and although he gives away a lot of fouls for pushing and pulling shirts etc they see it as something that sets him apart from others his age and have said it is very important that he keeps his aggressive nature on the pitch and to not discourage him from playing that way. He plays as a striker for his club, and even at 11 he has been training of late with kids 2 years above because physically he can more than handle himself at that level even though his technique is probably a little behind them. They think playing with better technical players will bring that side of his game on, but I think it might be a contributing factor to his aggressive nature at school. I have tried to get him to understand that he can't do this at school but I think it is very much instinctive and purely his competitive fight for everything nature that pushes him at times to go OTT and this is starting to creep into anything that could be classed as competitive not just football.

I have had parents accuse him of bullying because their kid has been hurt etc(even though it has only been individual incidents) but the school as yet have said they don't consider that to be the case as they don't believe it is malicious or intentional.

Just wondered if anyone else had any experience with kids and aggression in football?

* As I say even though it is football related, I'm not sure this is the best place for this, so if it needs moving please do so
The staff at both academy and school have a duty of care to both the individual and the greater collective body. Parents complain. I would talk to individuals involved and try to organise a restorative session so all parties can move forwards on the same page. Schools will offer this to resolve ongoing issues. The school will want your son to succeed in his sporting pursuits as it reflects well on them, but in the school environment reputations flying around, just or unjust, could make your son's experience there deteriorate.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #45
Had a meeting today after school with his deputy head and PE teacher. Complete waste of time IMO, and it's clear their only concern is parents complaining. They have said if he continues to be so competitive then he will be limited to what he will and won't be able to take part in, they even said he might only be allowed to take part in the fun events and relays at sports day "to give others a chance". I told them that was pathetic, and that they wouldn't stop the clever kids answering questions, and this was no different. I asked about him maybe competing against the year above, but was told logistically this couldn't be done. His PE teacher then had the nerve to say he would still be able to show his competitive side when representing the school in the various Inter school competions, which I felt absolutely took the piss. So I have told them under no circumstance would I give permission for this to happen, and he would no longer be eligible to play for them in any sport.

I will speak to his coach tomorrow, and am now looking at schooling alternatives.

Fuming!!!
 

bceej

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#46
Had a meeting today after school with his deputy head and PE teacher. Complete waste of time IMO, and it's clear their only concern is parents complaining. They have said if he continues to be so competitive then he will be limited to what he will and won't be able to take part in, they even said he might only be allowed to take part in the fun events and relays at sports day "to give others a chance". I told them that was pathetic, and that they wouldn't stop the clever kids answering questions, and this was no different. I asked about him maybe competing against the year above, but was told logistically this couldn't be done. His PE teacher then had the nerve to say he would still be able to show his competitive side when representing the school in the various Inter school competions, which I felt absolutely took the piss. So I have told them under no circumstance would I give permission for this to happen, and he would no longer be eligible to play for them in any sport.

I will speak to his coach tomorrow, and am now looking at schooling alternatives.

Fuming!!!
Well that's my advice thoroughly thrown out. Bizarre decision on their part. Can't have a cake and eat it! If he was damaging other kids in a serious way it'd be somewhat understandable but this seems like pandering to a wildly prohibitive degree. Their loss!
 

Trix

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Well that's my advice thoroughly thrown out. Bizarre decision on their part. Can't have a cake and eat it! If he was damaging other kids in a serious way it'd be somewhat understandable but this seems like pandering to a wildly prohibitive degree. Their loss!
Exactly mate, as soon as they said it would be fine when playing other schools I had had enough.
 

nailsy

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#48
Exactly mate, as soon as they said it would be fine when playing other schools I had had enough.
Such a strange thing for them to say. They seem to be saying that it's OK if he hurts the kids from the other schools, but he can't go near their own pupils. Either he's too competitive or he isn't. They can't have it both ways.
 

SugarRay

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#49
Teachers sound like wankers.

He’s just more developed than the rest, it’s common and happens in every year at every school.
Give it a year or two and others will not only catch him up physically but some will even surpass him!

The softly softly approach to sports at schools thesedays is worrying!
 

absolute bobbins

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#50
Had a meeting today after school with his deputy head and PE teacher. Complete waste of time IMO, and it's clear their only concern is parents complaining. They have said if he continues to be so competitive then he will be limited to what he will and won't be able to take part in, they even said he might only be allowed to take part in the fun events and relays at sports day "to give others a chance". I told them that was pathetic, and that they wouldn't stop the clever kids answering questions, and this was no different. I asked about him maybe competing against the year above, but was told logistically this couldn't be done. His PE teacher then had the nerve to say he would still be able to show his competitive side when representing the school in the various Inter school competions, which I felt absolutely took the piss. So I have told them under no circumstance would I give permission for this to happen, and he would no longer be eligible to play for them in any sport.

I will speak to his coach tomorrow, and am now looking at schooling alternatives.

Fuming!!!
Shit like this is why they didn’t want a coach there, he would have hit the roof too if he heard something like that because it can really mess with your lads head. .
 

Trix

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Thread starter #51
Such a strange thing for them to say. They seem to be saying that it's OK if he hurts the kids from the other schools, but he can't go near their own pupils. Either he's too competitive or he isn't. They can't have it both ways.
Exactly how I saw it. His Mum doesn't think it's all that serious, but as I tried to explain to her, he is not all that great academically(although he tries), and he is far more likely to have a career in sport than becoming a doctor or a solicitor for example. IMO a school should be doing everything it can to encourage and progress any talent a child shows, and while I understand they need to take into account how it affects all the other children, I don't think they are considering the needs of my child at all. I wonder if I should approach the school and complain that they are telling the kids who came first in a maths test because it's unfair on my child who will never be top in that respect.
 

'O Zio

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#52
Had a meeting today after school with his deputy head and PE teacher. Complete waste of time IMO, and it's clear their only concern is parents complaining. They have said if he continues to be so competitive then he will be limited to what he will and won't be able to take part in, they even said he might only be allowed to take part in the fun events and relays at sports day "to give others a chance". I told them that was pathetic, and that they wouldn't stop the clever kids answering questions, and this was no different. I asked about him maybe competing against the year above, but was told logistically this couldn't be done. His PE teacher then had the nerve to say he would still be able to show his competitive side when representing the school in the various Inter school competions, which I felt absolutely took the piss. So I have told them under no circumstance would I give permission for this to happen, and he would no longer be eligible to play for them in any sport.

I will speak to his coach tomorrow, and am now looking at schooling alternatives.

Fuming!!!
I understand your frustration but surely moving schools is going to cause more hassle than it's worth. Let's be honest, if he's playing for an academy, the amount that he's learning in PE lessons is going to be close to zero so even if they do stop him from doing PE, it wouldn't affect his potential to have a football career, but moving schools etc. could mess him up academically. Either way I don't think they're allowed to ban him from PE lessons are they? I'm pretty sure there's a minimum number of hours PE that kids are obligated to do.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #53
I understand your frustration but surely moving schools is going to cause more hassle than it's worth. Let's be honest, if he's playing for an academy, the amount that he's learning in PE lessons is going to be close to zero so even if they do stop him from doing PE, it wouldn't affect his potential to have a football career, but moving schools etc. could mess him up academically. Either way I don't think they're allowed to ban him from PE lessons are they? I'm pretty sure there's a minimum number of hours PE that kids are obligated to do.
No they can't stop him it's actually a required element of the curriculum. Thing is if he was really good at art they wouldn't tell him he could now only do finger painting because the other kids were not as good. Whatever the school says he is being singled out and restricted from doing activities nor because of behaviour, but because they don't know how to handle it. His club coach has offered to help/speak to them, but they are not interested. It's not about the fact he won't be learning anything from PE, it's the fact they are actively looking to do the opposite, but as I found out yesterday..... Only when it suits them.
 

'O Zio

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#54
No they can't stop him it's actually a required element of the curriculum. Thing is if he was really good at art they wouldn't tell him he could now only do finger painting because the other kids were not as good. Whatever the school says he is being singled out and restricted from doing activities nor because of behaviour, but because they don't know how to handle it. His club coach has offered to help/speak to them, but they are not interested. It's not about the fact he won't be learning anything from PE, it's the fact they are actively looking to do the opposite, but as I found out yesterday..... Only when it suits them.
Yeah I thought so, so it's a bit of an empty threat really to be honest.

I agree with you that if it were another subject he'd be encouraged, and that's what's frustrating. That said, as someone who moved school I can tell you it's absolutely horrible and completely messes up your life, especially the older you are when you move, so it's definitely not something I'd do lightly. Like I say, whether or not he's allowed to play properly in PE is largely irrelevant given that he's receiving top-level coaching outside of school anyway so it might be one of those situations where you've got to pick your battles. If you're happy enough with the education he's getting in his other subjects then I'd be more inclined to just leave it be and tell him to just tone it down a bit even if it is daft. After all, presumably the reason he's in this school in the first place is because you thought it was the best place for him, so moving him to somewhere that you decided wasn't as good just so that he can play properly in PE might not really be the best trade off.
 

dontcallme

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No they can't stop him it's actually a required element of the curriculum. Thing is if he was really good at art they wouldn't tell him he could now only do finger painting because the other kids were not as good. Whatever the school says he is being singled out and restricted from doing activities nor because of behaviour, but because they don't know how to handle it. His club coach has offered to help/speak to them, but they are not interested. It's not about the fact he won't be learning anything from PE, it's the fact they are actively looking to do the opposite, but as I found out yesterday..... Only when it suits them.
Doesn't sound like that is a fair comparison.

Your OP suggests the issue is he plays too physically and is hurting other chlldren. The kids good at art aren't hurting anyone.
 

Trix

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Thread starter #56
Doesn't sound like that is a fair comparison.

Your OP suggests the issue is he plays too physically and is hurting other chlldren. The kids good at art aren't hurting anyone.
Thing is he is not intentionally hurting anyone, and is only playing to his ability. You understand how it is if you go into a tackle at 50% there is far more chance of getting injured than if you commit to it. Like I said they are considering him only being able to take part in the "fun events" in sports day to give the other kids a chance. My finger painting analogy. There is no risk of him hurting other kids in running races ffs. Also they are clearly not that fussed about him hurting anyone, as long as they go to a different school.
 

dontcallme

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Thing is he is not intentionally hurting anyone, and is only playing to his ability. You understand how it is if you go into a tackle at 50% there is far more chance of getting injured than if you commit to it. Like I said they are considering him only being able to take part in the "fun events" in sports day to give the other kids a chance. My finger painting analogy. There is no risk of him hurting other kids in running races ffs. Also they are clearly not that fussed about him hurting anyone, as long as they go to a different school.
Sure, I'm not saying he shouldn't compete in non-contact sports to the best of his ability.

But there is a difference between a proper game and a kickaround at break time or during a PE session.

In a competitive game there will be more leniency. Players are expecting a full contact game with the ref there to punish any fouls or cheating.

In a kickaround you don't expect to have your shirt pulled and tackles are generally weaker.

I don't know the full situation, of course, and I am certainly not saying the teachers are completely right. But from your OP it sounds like there are occasions where your boy might want to play slightly less physically than he currently is.
 
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