Part 3 of JimmyG2's Style guide to posting on Spurs Community

JimmyG2

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JimmyG2's 'Style Guide' Part 3.


We are now in The Doldrums that period of intense boredom where the only topics of conversation are: will the new stadium be finished on time (No); how far will will England get in the World cup (Not very); Will we sign any world class players or anyone at all before the last days of the Transfer Window (Probably not)

The period officially ends with the pre-season games in America or the World Cup or the start of the season depending on how patriotic or busy or bored you are.

(The doldrums is a colloquial expression derived from historical maritime usage, which refers to those parts of the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean affected by a low-pressure area around the equator where the prevailing winds are calm.

Exactly.

'Style Guide'

If it's good enough for the The Guardian to have one of its own, it's good enough for Spurs Community.

(Note the use of 'it's and 'its' here; and the use of colons; semi-colons; capitals and brackets.

This is a useful bonus revision for those that signed up for Parts 1 and 2 at no extra charge.

Breaking News.

Just coming in of an exciting Writers and Artists Yearbook Award for Bus-Conductor.

I quote:

'' This year's award for the 'Extension of the Language' by a new writer on a Football Fan Site goes to Bus-Conductor from Spurs Community for 'fuck bumble'.

It will be presented to him at the Annual Awards Dinner by Dele Alli to whom the phrase is dedicated.

Send me your bank details and I might be able to get you tickets for this.

Cliches.

Constant repetition and over-use of any phrase can result in the creation of a cliché or worn out phrase.

Falling into this category in recent times are:

They haven't won anything yet; fuck bumble; one season wonder and its update three season wonder; punching above our weight; hoodoo; it all evens itself up over the season.

New examples welcomed

The length of time before a brand new 'fizzing' expression becomes a cliché can vary between a fortnight and a lifetime depending on usage.

Opinions are not facts..

This continues to cause confusion.

Just because it's your firmly held opinion does not make it a fact.

As in: 'Spurs are the best team in the Premiership: fact'. Even if we all agree it still doesn't become a fact.

Even if you 'prove' it by selective use of statistics and quotations from dodgy sources.

Remember: a fact is a fact: fact.

Update on Player assessments (See Part 1)

Harry Kane is now officially England Captain and a God. (fact)

Kyle Walker-Peters is the new Kyle Walker without the Peters. How strange is that.

The other Harry has signed a 5yr. Contract so attains 'Virtually Untouchable' status.

The other Moussa is still a Spurs player so keep your negative opinions to yourself.
It is in order to praise his attitude and athleticism.

The original Moussa might not be with us when this is published so the debate as to whether he was once the best footballer in the World can continue.

Grammar.
Sorry the fun has to stop somewhere: Not to be skipped.
Yes that's you.

'There are hundreds of grammar rules but the basics refer to sentence structure and parts of speech, which are noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, adverb, preposition and conjunction'.

'Language is ordered into five systems of rules: phonology, morphology, syntax, semantics, and pragmatics'

I copied and pasted those extracts because despite having an English degree, albeit from a once new red-brick university and having taught English, albeit at a Northern Comprehensive near the fish docks in Hull, I never knew any of that.

Hundreds of rules, five systems of language. WTF. Best ignored.

As that fine Group Fleetwood Mac once poignantly advised 'Go your own way'

We don't need no (any) edjucashon(education) We don't need no (any) thought control.

Split Infinitives.

Since Star Trek decided 'to boldly go' rather than 'to go boldly' these are fine. Gradually as the world progresses and modernises all the rules will be abandoned and we will be like cave-men free to wonderingly explore without any restrictions.

Next Match. Tottenham v Fred Flintstone All Stars at Stonehenge Arena.


See that wasn't so bad now was it.

Expletives.

Fine in everyday conversation, except at work to superiors or unless you have a better job offer.. Taboo in any written form.

'Fuck bumble' is not swearing . 'Fuck is being used as an adverb. I think. Or an adverbial/ noun qualifier.

Above my pay grade now. We welcome correspondence on this issue.

With thanks to Bus-Conductor for kind permission to include news of his prestigious award in this piece.

Thanks for reading. Another five minutes of your life you won't get back but hey its holiday time.
 
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#2
Thank You for this, informative and funny!

Happy to see that this SpursFan group is one that looks to Acknowledge, Respect and Love; as evidenced by Your comment about focusing on the Good side to Sissoko.

I Loved Your decision to call focus to something positive; let us extend that beyond sometimes to always.
Including being optimistic :D

I also loved the lightheartedness that comes across it not taking it all too seriously. I’m grateful for that because I make My own rules. Like capitalising You (because You, I and We are Equally important).
💚 To You Brother
 

davidmatzdorf

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#3
The rating is despite the heretical comments on split infinitives.

Signed, The Only Person Left in London Who Does Not Split His Infinitives
 

JimmyG2

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To clarify: can still type 'fuck' and is that an inappropriate colon?
Colon is spot on.
Read the column again: my judgement on this is quite clear.
Expletives: 'taboo in any written form'.
'damn' is acceptable currently; 'bloody': the jury is still out.

Come back in thirty years on this one.
I will update the column in 2048 when I will be 106.
You will have to excuse the dribble marks.
 

Sarsipius

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#10
Great stuff JimmyG2, if indeed that is your real name.

I've always enjoyed your haikus but this was genuine lolz in the vernacular of the yoof.
 

Mr.D

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Colon is spot on.
Read the column again: my judgement on this is quite clear.
Expletives: 'taboo in any written form'.
'damn' is acceptable currently; 'bloody': the jury is still out.

Come back in thirty years on this one.
I will update the column in 2048 when I will be 106.
You will have to excuse the dribble marks.
Thirty years? My lot don't make old bones. Can't we make it 30 minutes as I've been promised a cup of tea and a tunnocks teacake for elevenses.
 

Rob

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#13
(The doldrums is a colloquial expression derived from historical maritime usage, which refers to those parts of the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean affected by a low-pressure area around the equator where the prevailing winds are calm.
WTFB* are you doing with the italicisation there?

Also "FFS Dele".


*what the fuck bumble
 

JimmyG2

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WTFB* are you doing with the italicisation there?

Also "FFS Dele".

Copied and pasted, Sir.
You don't think I make this stuff up Shirley.

'Dele'? And your point is?

WTF and FFS unacceptable thinly disguised expletives.
I know, I know, I used one but that was to make an editorial point.


*what the fuck bumble
 

Rob

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#15
It's ok, 'Fuck bumble' is not swearing . 'Fuck is being used as an adverb. I think. Or an adverbial/ noun qualifier.
 

JimmyG2

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Thirty years? My lot don't make old bones. Can't we make it 30 minutes as I've been promised a cup of tea and a tunnocks teacake for elevenses.
Still awaiting updates.
The time scale suits me better too.

Tunnocks tea cake: Doesn't sound good for you though.
'a dome of cheapish chocolate covering a plasticky-tasting mallow ball that sits on top of an almost foosty (meaning gone off) biscuit'.

Why don't you have a fried Mars bar instead?
 
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