The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - 12th July 2017

Status
Not open for further replies.

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Messages
45,293
Thread starter #1

Good morning.

Guess the Italian has gone on long enough now don't you think? So lets see if we can restrain ourselves.

The argument over a players height (fucking seriously?) went on a tad too long, if i'd been about yesterday i'd have nailed it but thankfully, one or two of you railed against it and it actually stopped so cheers guys.

So here's today's thread.

I'm worried that my dyslexic wife is cheating on me. She keeps texting me and saying that she wants to do Alan.

Yesterday I bought Mrs A&C a set of digital scales.

She stood on them and whooped "Oooh! Look at skinny old me! 101 pounds!"

Didn't have the heart to tell her it said 'lol'
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, today we go back almost four years in the SC archives. On 9th July 2013 we gave you this load of old bollocks..........

The scene: The Boardroom at Tottenham Hotspur Football Club

Those present: Daniel Levy, several lowly paid herberts and countless big titted flossys.

The Background: Tuesday the 9th July. The pressure was on. Spurs had signed Leandro Damiao some several months ago but had still to announce the deal.

“I’m coming…..i’m coming” grunted Daniel Levy as a bead of sweat dripped from his nose. His face was red from exertion, he was panting like a greyhound fresh from chasing the hare around the track at Walthamstow dogs. “Don’t stop, i’m nearly there” he grunted as he started panting faster and faster……..

Levy ended the call as he ran into the boardroom.

“Sorry I’m late, the traffic on the High Road is terrible today”

Levy climbed up three steps and eased himself into his corporate high chair as one of his chesty floozies placed a skinny latte on the tray in front of him, lingering just long enough so that she made sure he saw her licking her lips and had ample time to inspect her cleavage.

Yeah, he thought to himself and made a mental note to smash her back doors in later on.

'Right, which deal are on?' he asked. One of his flunkeys picked up a folder and handed it to him.

Oh Leandro fucking Damiao. Again. We signed that **** quite a while ago didn't we? Daniel Levy's eyes rolled back in his head. 'Can we announce it today?'

A flunkey looked at a clipboard....'Sorry, no, Murraymania is still rife'

Wednesday? asked Levy

'The Ashes 1st test match, which, unless the match finishes early takes us to the fifteenth'

Levy perked up at that 'If it finishes say in three days, that would free up Saturday'

'No, it's the British Athletic trials'

'Sunday?', probed Levy

'The Skelmersdale tittytwisting finals' chimed another flunkey

'Monday then' said an ever increasingly exasperated Levy

Sorry, that's the Upper Middlewich knob strangling and minge chokers mixed doubles semi finals

'For fucks sake!' Levy threw down his pen and banged his head on the edge of his desk as he reached the bottom of the stepladder to his chair.'There must be some way we can announce the deal'

'Sorry boss. It's them clever conspiracy theorists on SC......every time we plan an announcement, one of them ramps up with a reason why we won't do it. First it was Wimbledon, they said it would steal our Thunder. Then it was the kit launch, they said it would maximise exposure, obviously that was a no-no as it would steal the sponsors thunder, you know what they are like'

'Fucking Spurs Community' hissed Levy. 'I hate that site.....always moaning about me they are'

His flunkey said 'But don't forget, you have several bastard sons as members on there, defending your every move, the instant someone criticises you they leap on it like a starving dog in a butchers shop'

'Don't bastard sons me you twat........now when are we going to fucking announce that we signed Damiao? I want a date and I want it now!' Levy's face was red. Redder than the reddest monkeys bum.

A big titted 'secretary' moved to calm him down. 'There there Danny....it'll be allright' she said soothingly as she lightly mopped the beads of angry sweat from his bald head. Levy smiled, almost mesmirised by her cleavage which swayed back and forth as she mopped. 'There, there' she said again.....Levy jumped up and booted her straight up the flange. 'Don't there there me you dopey bint'

The poor girl ran crying into Levy's office. Levy looked up at those seated around the table and said 'give me five, I better go calm her down' and off he went into the office, shutting the door behind him.

Twenty minutes later, there was still no sign of Levy and time was pressing. The flunkeys were playing a knockout game of paper, scissors, stone to see who would open the office door to get him back to the table.

'Ah fuck, I lose' said one of the herberts. The rest all giggled as he crept toward the door. His hand reached the door handle and he slowly eased the door open. 'Yes big boy, yes' panted the large jugged secretary 'give it to me'

The flunkeys gasped at the sight of Levy giving the secretary a knee trembler. She was pinned back against the wall, with her legs wrapped around Levy, who was stood on the desk. Amazing. The flunkey slowly shut the door.

'Strewth...even gnomes have knee tremblers' said one. 'Shhhh!' said another and a third said 'You gotta hand it to him. He overcomes his height in amazing ways, he's astute, a top businessman and you have no idea of the money involved'........The other flunkeys all turned and stared at him. 'You're one of his bastard sons!' The accused flunky dropped his head and walked slowly out of the room, his cheeks burning with shame at being recognised.

A few moments later Levy walked out of his office, straightening his tie. 'She'll be OK, i've erm, apologised to her'

'Yes sir, that works well', said one of the flunkeys. 'I apologised to my wife from behind last night and then apologised all over her face'.....Levy looked at him suspiciously, unsure wether or not he was taking the piss. He made a mental note to sack the funny twat, but not now. Right now he needed ideas.

Levy climbed the ladder to his chair again. 'OK, what exactly are we going to do? We need to get this announced'

'Just announce it then' said one of his aides.

'eh?' several voices chimed in unison.

'Fuck what else is going on, just announce it. It'll make the news and get good exposure, we're a massive club'

'eh?' said the voices again. The idea was foreign to them. It was a gigantic leap of faith to have to take. Levy smiled. 'I like your thinking, but I might just have come up with a better idea'

Everyone leaned forward

'We announce it on the last day, at the last hour of the transfer window. Right before it closes'

'Brilliant!' said several people at once

'Innovative' said a flunkey

'You're a bona fide genius' said another

'OK if you all insist, I don't like leaving it so late, but you twisted my arm.........we'll do it on deadline day' said Levy smiling.

Levy climbed down from his chair and left the boardroom, skipping lightly into his office. One way or another, he always got his way. It was just a matter of playing chess with their minds. Levy sat back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and smiled the smile of the contented.

Deadline day, he thought to himself. Bring it on.
THE END

Today's word of the day is: Smegma
 

mill

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 21, 2007
Messages
6,714
#3
The worrying thing is that JJ never dismissed it, all itks dismissed bale leaving apart from him
 

arunspurs

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2012
Messages
5,093
#5
The worrying thing is that JJ never dismissed it, all itks dismissed bale leaving apart from him
JJ only said United is trying hard & have bid for Dier. Not that bid would be accepted if price is matched.
On Bale, he was saying sale is on if it matched the price.
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Messages
45,293
Thread starter #8
Guys, does this need explaining?

Media info is for the players threads. This thread is for ITK. ITK in the traditional sense, not anything else. All bringing it in here will achieve is to put the discussion about it in here as well as in the relevant thread, which is where it's already being discussed.

There's no point in having it in more than one place.

Also, it'd be very helpful if rather than post any snippets in here, it were posted in the Read Only so we can look at it and approve/deny it as required. That way people who don't actually inhabit this thread full time can see the info too and we can keep this thread going the right way. Thanks!
 

YidRaven

New Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
9
#9
No disrespect but jj and herts have both talked about it and it's those that people are talking about? Surely that allows us to talk about it in here?
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Messages
45,293
Thread starter #10
So that you know, any stories posted in the RO (Read Only) should be given a title, any title you like, we can change that and contain the following, which you've all seen before

Who: A&C
When: 12th July
Where: SC

Then the ITK exactly as it was posted.

It takes two minutes, if you can be arsed. Not everything will get approved (generally only verified ITK with track records does) but the stuff that does make it through will at least help keep everyone informed.

As for the unverified ITK, well, that don't belong here at all wether in the RO or in this thread. Were it any other way we'd havre a million 'my mate told me' posts to deal with.

God i'm being helpful today, dunno what's up with me.
 

buttons

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2005
Messages
2,470
#11
One thing is for sure, if Levy senses for a second that Dier is United's number one target then £20m has just been added to his price!
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Messages
45,293
Thread starter #12
No disrespect but jj and herts have both talked about it and it's those that people are talking about? Surely that allows us to talk about it in here?
No disrespect as in 'Sounds a bit like a dictatorship to me'? :woot:

I should have been clearer.

Of course it's going to be talked about in here, JJ has said United are trying hard and want him and Hertyid has said no chance. So of course, i'm not suggesting otherwise. The media stuff however is irrelevant and doesn't belong in here. We've never had it in here. Never. It always goes in player threads and it's being discussed in them as I type, why have it in there and in here? Those threads are there for exactly this kind of thing.

So, the ITK? Yes. Any media reaction, No, not so much. That's for the player threads. Otherwise potentially, every time there's a media story about a player, it'll end up in here. So, its being reinforced before it becomes something else that starts seeping into this thread.

Hopefully, that's clearer.
 

SpartanSpur

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
5,453
#13
JJ on Dier to Utd:

"Don't want to and highly unlikely but never can say never in football unfortunately"
JJ will always qualify with nothing is impossible, as despite being obvious it needs to be done with the amount of idiots around that don't understand ITK.

The bold text above is the most important for me. No need for meltdown. Utd have come up short with most of their key targets over price this summer, do we really think they'll find value in a player Levy doesn't want to sell?
 

Everlasting Seconds

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2014
Messages
10,144
#14
All summer been very worried about Dier leaving. Think he and/or Pochettino will have to dig deep to restore Dier's motivation for continuing at Spurs. Would love for him to stay.

The bold text above is the most important for me. No need for meltdown. Utd have come up short with most of their key targets over price this summer, do we really think they'll find value in a player Levy doesn't want to sell?
The more targets they don't get, the grumpier Not-So-Special One, the more they will try to secure one high profile signing to appease Not-So-Special One, the more we are in risk.
 

freeeki

Arsehole.
Joined
Aug 5, 2008
Messages
3,570
#15
If United want Dier signed in time for the Skelmersdale tittytwisting final then they're deluding themselves tbh.
 

littlewilly

NT, Australia
Joined
May 28, 2013
Messages
499
#16
I've been on here for years and I'm a pretty respectful poster who doesn't cause too many upsets. As far as I can recall, I've never posted on an ITK thread before. Why? Well I've read thousands of posts that are apparently wrong; seen hundreds of posters discombobulated (and worse); but I've never worked out exactly what it is you're allowed to post.

Can anyone tell me (in a very succinct way) what it is that you can talk about. Please don't refer me to the rules or laws or statutes. I really need it simple.
 

Roynie

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2007
Messages
2,823
#17
JJ on Dier to Utd:

"Don't want to and highly unlikely but never can say never in football unfortunately"
The key here is whether we don't want to sell or Dier actually doesn't want to go, or both. Don't get me wrong, it's a rhetorical question, not aimed at JJ.

Obviously money talks and his head could be turned if he's offered enough, but the squad seem really together, so it could just be Mourinho trying to unsettle the squad even before the season starts, it's seems, to me, to be the way he works, twat!
 

dovahkiin

Top notch swords!
Joined
May 18, 2012
Messages
1,817
#18
grahamroberts (old itk) on ftl: Just woke up to a message from a very good united source. Things can change, player demands a move etc, but as it stands, "Dier 100% will not be sold".
 

Everlasting Seconds

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2014
Messages
10,144
#19
I've been on here for years and I'm a pretty respectful poster who doesn't cause too many upsets. As far as I can recall, I've never posted on an ITK thread before. Why? Well I've read thousands of posts that are apparently wrong; seen hundreds of posters discombobulated (and worse); but I've never worked out exactly what it is you're allowed to post.

Can anyone tell me (in a very succinct way) what it is that you can talk about. Please don't refer me to the rules or laws or statutes. I really need it simple.
You can provide your own opinions on a player or rumour who is mentioned recently (over the last couple of days) by an "official" ITK.
You can post banter, especially sexually explicit banter or jokes about dwarves. Or even better, sexual jokes about dwarves.

You can not go on and on back an forth about tedious stuff that might as well go in player threads.
You can not post twitter, news articles, pictures or videos.
 

ryantegan

Block 33 Season Ticket holder :)
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
6,014
#20
I think we could use this as a massive show of defiance if Dier is indeed 100% committed.

United have (as they have done in recent years) gone all out leaking stories to the press. Let them go £50m, £60m even £70m. Just refuse outright and then get Dier in an interview on SpursTV declaring his undying love to the cause!

Fuck United and Fuck the media!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top