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The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - 14 July 2011

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Feb 1, 2005
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Captains log: Stardate 1472011: Still no signings worthy of the name. Morale is low. SC's Padre reports that many are losing faith. Slogans are appearing painted on the walls such as 'In Levy we used to trust' and we're struggling to maintain control.

But worry not ITK'ers! We've only gone and got yet another scoop as yesterday we were granted access to the Spurs Transfer Office at WHL!!

We've all heard the soundbites such as 'we're working hard to bring players in' or 'It's difficult to get the quality we want' and even reports that staff on the Transfer Office have been denied time off......Well this was our chance to find out exactly what is going on behind the scenes and I wasn't about to waste it.

I arrived 5 minutes early at WHL and walked through the doors into the plush reception area and reported my arrival to the lady at reception who told me to take a seat and that someone would be along in a moment.

As I sat there, eyeing up the receptionist and wondering to myself which position i'd like to ruin her in, I saw Joe Jordan walk through the door. I jumped up and approached him "Joe, Joe" I said......"Can I have a quick word?"

He smiled at me. (Luckily he'd his teeth in and I wasn't scared) "Hello son, what kinah doo feryou" he said in his strong Scottish accent......"Joe, what did you say to Gattuso in Milan that night?" He laughed, "Ahh that soft bairn.......Ah gave him a sweet Glasgow kiss outside the changing room yaknow? (He made a headbutt movement which made me flinch) ah told him......Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

And with that he walked off. What. A. Nutter.

I felt a tap on my back and I turned, but nobody was there, so I turned again, thinking I was being subjected to that old trick where you get tapped on the shoulder and the person hops around the other way........"No down here, down here" Came this squeeky voice..... I turned and looked down. "Sorry Mr Levy, I never saw you"........."Never mind that" He replied, I'm busy so shall we get on with it?.......Good, follow me" and off we went into the elevator.

Mr Levy took out a key and inserted it into the panel, pushed a combination and to my great surprise, the lift took us down rather than up. I never knew there was any part of the West Stand that was below ground yet we must have gone down several levels.

"Righty-o" He said as the doors opened, "Here we are" and my mouth dropped open in awe. The sound of teletypers chattering, phones ringing and womens voices was almost deafening.

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[/al]The best way I can describe it is that it was like one of them scenes from the film 'The Battle of Britain'. Women were standing around a massive table, wearing Bluetooth headsets and moving figures of footballers around a huge map of the world with great big long rake type rods.

We took a seat at a table set high above the scene, looking down at events as they unfolded. I could pick out the occasional bit of information as one woman moved a piece called 'Downing' from Birmingham to Liverpool, Daniel Levy sighed, shook his head and muttered something about 'another one with resale value getting away'............"As you can see" said Mr Levy..."We really are quite busy, working toward bringing players in"...........As I spoke, a woman with quite magnificent breasts handed Daniel Levy a slip of paper.........He read out loud 'Yes, for £80k a week.......from the clean elephant with a loose mother'. He screwed the piece of paper up and tossed it to one side. "He know I won't pay that much"

"Any reply sir?" asked the girl with the world class tits.........Actually, come to think of it (literally), all of the women working there were extremely fuckable. Except one, who must have been in charge, who reminded me of Rosa Klebb, the Bond baddie with poisoned steel toecaps.

"Not yet" repled Daniel Levy, "i'll have to do some thinking"......I was curious........."This clean elephant with a loose mother" I asked........"Who is it?" Levy smiled, tapped the side of his nose and said "think songs".

Suddenly an alarm went off and a red light started flashing above a door away to our left. "Whats that" I asked..........."That's POTL's room" said the large breasted woman whose continued presence was in serious danger of giving me a rampant erection. "oooh" I said, turning to Mr Levy......"I'd like to ask him a couple of questions"............Levy turned and looked at me, with a deadly serious face said "Certainly fucking not......nobody questions POTL"

The floozy at our side was fluttering her eyelids at me. She wanted it. Big time. I hastily scribbled a note saying 'I want to get into your knickers' with my mobile number on it and handed it to her. She took it and rushed off to POTL's room, turned off the alarm and returned with a slip of paper which she handed to Levy......Again he read it out aloud.....'Who's the silly **** responsible for painting my office Blue and Yellow?'...........Levy rolled his eyes. "I'll speak to him later"

She also handed a slip of paper to me. She'd crossed out the note i'd written her and wrote 'No thanks, i've got one **** in there already' :cry:

Prickteasing bitch.

I couldn't resist, I had to ask."So, Mr Levy.....Can you tell me who we might be signing?" No answer. I decided to push it..........."Tell me about our interest in Llorente. Surely we're interested in Llorente?" Still no answer. "Rossi then.......we must have made some sort of a move?"

He looked down at his iPad touched the screen a few times and handed it to me. We'd bid £3m for Forlan and £8m for Llorente.

"We won't get them for that sort of money" I said. "I'm playing lowball" he replied, go in low, go in slow, they'll crack, you wait and see, they'll crack"

"Yes but when? Five minutes before the window closes?"

"usually, yes" he cackled, his eyes sparkling "I love it, LOVE IT! when I do a deal like that"

"What about Rossi?" I asked...........

Suddenly a voice shouted out from the depths of POTL's office "Bap bap............Brrrap Brrrrrrrrrrrrap!!!"

A smile played across Levy's face. "We made an offer but its hard when the selling club refuse to be shafted"

Again the voice shouted out from the depths of POTL's office "Daniel, just sign the fucking cheques.........badda bing badda boom"

Levy leaned back in his plush reclining leather throne and smiled. Madame Prickteaser mopped his brow and offered him his choice from a plate of cream cakes.

He plumped for a nice fat cream horn, the dirty bastard.........."yep...........we're working hard on transfers............really hard"

SC needs your help! Do you sit on here spamming the life out of the thread? Is this the first thing you log onto when you get to work in the mornings? Then please help us keep it going by making a donation!

EVERY LITTLE HELPS!
 

tRiKS

Ledley's No.1 fan
Jun 6, 2005
6,854
142
Would the offical site have to tell the world a request was put in or would we all still be best guessing whats happened?

*first post of the day in the ITK thread that doesn't blow smoke up A&C anus (or anuses as he's two people)
 

Monkeyface

Member
Jan 28, 2011
89
27
The girl with the tits, her name is Red she likes watching me as I ruin her twin sisters...Blue and Yellow
 

jimtheyid

T'riffic
Apr 16, 2005
13,497
7,235
I find it amazing that Levy allowed you such close access. Fair play to him really.
 

yido_number1

He'll always be magic
Jun 8, 2004
8,646
16,809
Would the offical site have to tell the world a request was put in or would we all still be best guessing whats happened?

The officical site would of told News of the World but their out of business so we're stuck in Limbo...
 

smudger

Well-Known Member
Jul 20, 2006
1,630
1,188
Hope I can say this without getting hit by a&c's big ban stick but it ties in with last night ITK as such,

Talkshite saying modric has handed in a transfer request followed by.......apparantley :bang:
 

talkshowhost86

Mod-Moose
Staff
Oct 2, 2004
48,105
47,061
That was shit A&C. Not only was the update late but the story was derivative, dull and the information was clearly gained by hacking POTL's mobile phone.

Disappointing.*





















*(it was actually very good but you have to keep his ego in check)
 
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