- Feb 1, 2005
Ready for another day in the asylum? Of course you are.
Mrs A&C thinks I should act more like a gentleman. That's bullshit - this morning I even held the door open for her when she took the rubbish out.
Today we take you back to 30th July 2013, in this thread on that day we gave you this....(for context this was just before Bale moved to Madrid)
Got your coffee, toast and a fag on the go? OK, here we go.........
The heat was stifling. Daniel Levy mopped his brow for about the thirtyeth time as he sat in the large black 4x4 watching. His men were in position and it was all down to timing. If they got this right revenge would be his. He smiled at the thought. He was going to fuck that bastard right up. No messing.
Suddenly their mark appeared. As Florentino Perez opened the door to his car Levy's henchmen sprang into action. One distracted him while a second burly skinheaded man tapped him over the head with a cosh. 'Did you see that?' laughed Levy.........'Perez went down like the sack of shit he is'......He watched keenly as the unconscious Perez was bundled into the back of a van. The radio crackled into life 'Broadsword calling Danny Boy, Broadsword calling Danny Boy'......Levys eyes rolled back in his head as he sighed. Them silly ****s still thank that's funny he thought to himself as he clicked the radio. 'Danny Boy to Broadsword, well done. You know where to take him'.....The radio crackled again 'Check......Levyland, ETA 12 hours'
'Okay' said Levy, 'time to roll, lets get there'
'What about Soldado?' asked his assistant, Timmykins Sherwood. 'Fuck Soldado, that can wait. We've got a whole month to deal with that' (Note from A&C: I love this bit. You get a story AND the reason why it's taking so long)
12 hours later. Levyland. Only 4 people were present. Daniel Levy, Florentino Perez, Timmykins Sherwood and Gareth Bale. All four men were dressed in Levy's 'uniform' which he only wears in private.
What happened next cannot be described without resulting in at least some of you having to undergo therapy. Having said that, you all need a few sessions anyway, so i'll crack on. Perhaps it's best captured by taking a photo. It's real, none of that photoshopped palaver, I was there. You want to know what happened don't you? You're all such whores.
HAVE YOU DONATED THIS MONTH/YET/AT ALL?
As you all know, SC relies largely on your donations to be able to provide a unrivalled coverage of ITK, if it wasn't for you guys, the server would crash left right and centre and we simply couldn't afford to be as awesome and sexy as I am, I mean we are.
In one transfer window we ran a poll asking when people thought we'd sign Benteke (haha). The poll got an astonishing number of votes, over 600 of you took part.
Six bloody hundred. And that's just the yokes who bothered voting. Whichever way you slice it that's a lot. If everyone slung just three or four quid in the pot we'd be sorted for quite a while, so if you've never donated before, please consider doing so now.
I reckon we've about 500 or more lurkmeisters, so come on guys, if you're one of them and you enjoy SC's coverage of the Transfer Window (and lets face it, you do because you're here right?), then please chip in. It doesn't have to be a massive amount. A monkey will do. Nah i'm kidding.......Why not a long 'un? Or even a pony? hehe, seriously though, a cockle would be great or even a lady. In fact whatever you can stretch to.
And if you happen to be a Spurs mad gazzillionaire, cough the fuck up. And if you're Daniel Levy, fucking hell shortstuff, put your hands in your pockets. And get the BSoDL to chip in too.
After the spam and stuff we have to put up with it's the least you can do right?
Thanks in advance.