The Daily ITK Discussion Thread 7th June 2016

Discussion in 'The January 2016 Transfer Rumours Archive' started by Archibald&Crooks, Jun 7, 2016.

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  1. Archibald&Crooks

    Archibald&Crooks Aegina Expat Admin

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    Morning all.......I suppose i'd better renew the thread before people start complaining about the smell.

    So..........What shall I give you today? Some ITK? Nah, got none........Well, that's not strictly true, I do have some inside info on your dad, Daniel Levy that might be of interest.

    It's a little known fact that when he took over the club one of the first things he did was to have his fart gland removed. Well, that and have his matchday seat raised several inches so he could see and a highchair installed in the boardroom, but the fart gland thing was deffo a priority at the time.

    He decided to have his trumpus dwarfus removed which is the medical name for the bit of gland that controls sound and after several consultions and much thought over what he would have installed to replace it he chose the tillus bellus gland, which makes a 'kerching' noise instead of the tradtional 'raspberry' fart sound we all know and love.

    The consultations took place the exact same week as he took over but the operation itself was delayed whilst negotiation and haggling over the price took place, with levy paying £3m for a new ringpiece and we can exclusively reveal that Daniel Levy's new fart gland was installed shortly before we enquired about signing Berahino. It turns out Levy made an offer to Jeremy Peace, whose initial reaction was to accept the bid and if it wasn't for Levy suddenly cracking one off "kerching!" he'd probably be playing for us now.

    Its taken his lackeys quite some while to get used to it themselves and the inside info that we have is that Levy loves his new fart so much he's learned to fart at will. "What's that Mike Ashley?....You bid £10m for Andros?"

    Kerching!

    Its really confusing the staff though, they now break into a round of applause whenever they hear "kerching" only to run for fresh air as the following stench hits them. Yes dwarf farts are absolutely rancid. But Levy loves to have his fun. Roll on the last day of the window, when we finally sign some clapped out old has been of a striker for next to nothing. We can expect a symphony of farting to come out of a certain short arsed, club footed, bald headed chairmans office. I mean orifice.

    Levy is loving it, he's constantly asking a member of staff for a £1 coin and cracking out a fart as they hand it over.......then breaking into fits of giggles. All the time he's coming up with different places and stuations to try his new fart out and the search for the perfect situation to punctuate with a guff is now taking up a lot of his time

    Personally I think £3 million for a new bumhole is a but much but i'm sure his sons will happen along shortly (short-ly, gettit?) to put us right.

    But regardless, we all know how this ends don't we?

    Well done Daniel Levy.
     
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  2. Roynie

    Roynie Well-Known Member

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    Thanks A&C, priceless. Kerching! :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
     
  3. Hoopspur

    Hoopspur Sometimes I wonder why I bother

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    No if's or butts about it I guess.....whatever, something doesn't smell quite right.
     
  4. Everlasting Seconds

    Everlasting Seconds Well-Known Member

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  5. Geyzer Soze

    Geyzer Soze Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd

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    you know what makes you fart? Cabbage.
     
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  6. longtimespur

    longtimespur Well-Known Member

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    Any particular colour cabbage?
    Could it be blue and yellow mixed?
     
  7. max cady

    max cady Well-Known Member

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    Kerching is the sound you hear when you have money coming in............possible sale of a player on the horizon or is it not cryptic.:confused:
     
  8. Led's Zeppelin

    Led's Zeppelin Flaccid Member

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    I know this is satire because the real truth is well documented. While Alan "Lord" Sugar was selling dead babies from a stall in Walthamstow market, Daniel "Trump" Levy was building his fortune selling bottled farts down Ridley Road. The idea that they were going free was anathema to him: "When I realised what a valuable asset I was sitting on, I immediately set about about a capitalisation programme": memorable words that have found their way via the nasal tract to the hearts of a generation.

    Ever wondered why your recycling centre segregates clear bottles from the brown ones?

    Another reason we owe DL, "the ringmaster" our eternal gratitude.
     
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  9. chaching

    chaching Active Member

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    I hear its all in installments of £3 a month (that's why he is asking for the pound coins). It also includes add-ons like £1m if he can get it heard in the champions league music during the final.
     
  10. GobbyJJ

    GobbyJJ Active Member

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    Currently sitting at the hospital expecting the birth of my 2nd daughter. Any chance we could some Itk on the 7th?
     
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  11. PhezTHFC

    PhezTHFC Fathead

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    @Archibald&Crooks i have no idea what goes through your mind at times. What normal person thinks of all this lol! Hats off you never seem to be stumped for another thread starter! :notworthy:(y)
     
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  12. DanielJohnCosta

    DanielJohnCosta Active Member

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    name her Michy, it's gender neutral and fitting ;) well wishes !
     
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  13. pal90

    pal90 Active Member

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    Nah - he's slipping. Time was he could knock these off daily. It's down to about one a fortnight these days.
     
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  14. shelfmonkey

    shelfmonkey It's all codswallop

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    Probably craptic! :)
     
  15. ross the saint

    ross the saint Active Member

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    Maybe we should all donate some money.

    If we're all "paying customers" instead of "freeloading ****s" they surely have to give us some itk?
     
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  16. npearl4spurs

    npearl4spurs Believing Member

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    I don't think ITK works like IKEA
     
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  17. doctor stefan Freud

    doctor stefan Freud Well-Known Member

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    And yet to a dyslexic they are remarkably similar
     
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  18. Hoopspur

    Hoopspur Sometimes I wonder why I bother

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    Loyalty cards perhaps? ITK Family Card. :)
     
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  19. npearl4spurs

    npearl4spurs Believing Member

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    It would be nice to have some Swedish meatballs in here though.

    IKEA. Sweden. We're signing Zlatan!
     
  20. Parkie

    Parkie Well-Known Member

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    There is a clear link between donations and ITK received. The more we all collectively pay in, the longer the site remains up and the more chance of hearing some!
    Invest now I tell you!!
    *chucks £10 in the pot to get the ball rolling*
     
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