- Feb 1, 2005
Morning all.......I suppose i'd better renew the thread before people start complaining about the smell.
So..........What shall I give you today? Some ITK? Nah, got none........Well, that's not strictly true, I do have some inside info on your dad, Daniel Levy that might be of interest.
It's a little known fact that when he took over the club one of the first things he did was to have his fart gland removed. Well, that and have his matchday seat raised several inches so he could see and a highchair installed in the boardroom, but the fart gland thing was deffo a priority at the time.
He decided to have his trumpus dwarfus removed which is the medical name for the bit of gland that controls sound and after several consultions and much thought over what he would have installed to replace it he chose the tillus bellus gland, which makes a 'kerching' noise instead of the tradtional 'raspberry' fart sound we all know and love.
The consultations took place the exact same week as he took over but the operation itself was delayed whilst negotiation and haggling over the price took place, with levy paying £3m for a new ringpiece and we can exclusively reveal that Daniel Levy's new fart gland was installed shortly before we enquired about signing Berahino. It turns out Levy made an offer to Jeremy Peace, whose initial reaction was to accept the bid and if it wasn't for Levy suddenly cracking one off "kerching!" he'd probably be playing for us now.
Its taken his lackeys quite some while to get used to it themselves and the inside info that we have is that Levy loves his new fart so much he's learned to fart at will. "What's that Mike Ashley?....You bid £10m for Andros?"
Its really confusing the staff though, they now break into a round of applause whenever they hear "kerching" only to run for fresh air as the following stench hits them. Yes dwarf farts are absolutely rancid. But Levy loves to have his fun. Roll on the last day of the window, when we finally sign some clapped out old has been of a striker for next to nothing. We can expect a symphony of farting to come out of a certain short arsed, club footed, bald headed chairmans office. I mean orifice.
Levy is loving it, he's constantly asking a member of staff for a £1 coin and cracking out a fart as they hand it over.......then breaking into fits of giggles. All the time he's coming up with different places and stuations to try his new fart out and the search for the perfect situation to punctuate with a guff is now taking up a lot of his time
Personally I think £3 million for a new bumhole is a but much but i'm sure his sons will happen along shortly (short-ly, gettit?) to put us right.
But regardless, we all know how this ends don't we?
Well done Daniel Levy.