The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - 9th July 2017 STAR WARS!

Discussion in 'The January 2017 Transfer Rumour archive' started by Archibald&Crooks, Jul 10, 2017.

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  1. Archibald&Crooks

    Archibald&Crooks Aegina Expat Admin

    Ratings Received:
    +81,425 / 545 / -320

    Good morning.

    Here's a brand new thread in which we won't be playing guess the Italian please.

    We've had two days of guessing, it's gotten very circular in nature, has resulted in a lot of spam, has gotten a bit boring and I think it's time to stop.

    Today we're going to go back in time to January 2012 where this was the (now slightly tweaked) OP of this thread.......

    ITK Episode I: The Phantom is menaced

    A long time ago in a Transfer Window far, far away.... It is a dark time for ITK. Although eyeteekay still exists, its credibility has been severely damaged and the great unwashed (that’s you lot) aren’t paying much attention any more.

    It is a time of strife and conflict. Daily Mail employees trawl the Internet daily for stories to print and despite their best efforts, established ITK’s are losing the fight to be heard.

    The evil empire, led by Darth Lee Vee are sworn to eradicate ITK and he dispatches two of his best men, Darth Blue and Darth Yellow to track down the leader of the Jed-ITK, Obi Wan Pottle and destroy him……………

    Chapter One: The first casualty of ITK is the truth.

    “Aguero to Spurs”

    Who the fuck says so? Boomed the deep voice of Darth Lee Vee as he applied some Nivea cream to his face and examined himself in the mirror.

    “One of the ITK’s Lord Lee Vee” replied Darth Donna as she hastily put on her bra. “Oh and you have a 3 o’clock with Bill Gates. That software that ‘accidentally’ makes ticketing errors to our advantage is almost complete.

    “You deal with it…….Have Blue and Yellow arrived? Get them in here”

    Fifteen minutes later the bell on Darth Lee Vees office door chimed to the tune of Macnamara’s Band and the door slid open with an impressive ‘swoosh’

    Darths Blue and Yellow walked up to the magnificent desk as Darth Lee Vee was furiously pumping the handle on the side of his chair that raised the seat. A couple of minutes later his head appeared above the desk.

    “that’s better” he said as he at last managed to see over the top of the desk. He clasped both his hands behind his head as he leaned back in the chair.

    “Aguero to Spurs” he said, looking at them intently.

    “Who the fuck says so?” asked Darth Blue.

    “That’s what you two are going to find out” Said Darth Lee Vee

    “Is there any truth to it?” asked Darth Yellow. Darth Lee Vee raised his eyebrows, his eyes widened. “Of course not, now get thee hence and bring me the source of this rumour”

    “Oh and one last thing” he called after them. Darths Blue and Yellow turned to face him. “There’s a new name that keeps cropping up. Find out what you can about him will you?”

    “Yes Lord Lee Vee” replied Blue.

    “What name?” asked Yellow

    A serious look came across his face, which coincidentally is exactly what he’d just done to Darth Donna.


    “You ****s” he mumbled to himself as Darths Blue and Yellow left the room.

    Several hours later Darths Blue and Yellow had tracked down their main snitch, an extremely obese lard gutted man nicknamed Pizza the Hutt.

    “Honestly, I really don’t know where it started. I read it the same as you, on the internet. All it said was Aguero to Spurs”

    “You holding back on us Pizza?” Asked Darth Yellow as he held up a large radish and slapped a handful of Vaseline over it “Don’t hold anything back or you get it” he growled, making an upright jabbing motion with the radish.

    Darth Blue decided to play good cop to yellows bad cop…… “OK, say for a minute we believe you, who’s this Dave we are hearing about?

    Pizza the Hutt burst out laughing. He laughed so much he was rolling about on the floor with tears streaming down his face.

    Darths Blue and Yellow looked at each other and then down at the Hutt. “Hahhahahahahah ha hah Bahaha……..Dave! Baha oh hahahaha, every…….hahaha, everyone knows who Dave is! Hahahahahaha”

    “Dave has long been a supposed transfer target of Spurs, you’d know him as Vincenzo Iaquinta-aaaaaaaaaaaaa” The last vowel of his name turned into a scream as Darth Yellow rammed the radish right up the Hutts jacksey and they left the room.

    Meanwhile Obi-Wan Pottle, unaware that Lee Vee’s two evil henchmen were hot on his trail was enjoying a Jacuzzi with his two lieutenants, Ben Solo and Boba Noodles

    “Aguero to Spurs”“ said Boba Noodles

    “Who the fuck says so?” said Obi-Wan Pottle, Ben Solo coughed.

    I mean, where do they get this stuff from? Does one of the other ITK's want to handle this?” Obi-Wan Pottle continued. He stopped as he noticed Ben Solo looking at him sheepishly.

    “It came from me” he said “Aguero to Spurs came from me”

    Obi-Wan Pottle couldn’t contain himself. “Do you realize what you’ve done?, what have I told you, time after fucking time?”

    “I’m sorry! It was only to a mate and I thought he knew I was kidding”

    Boba Noodles shook his head. “Never, ever give out info you can’t back up or isn’t from a decent source………Its rule No1”

    “Shut up you twat” interrupted Pottle, “I’m thinking”

    “We can’t have an ITK giving out anything less than the truth” said Pottle

    “That horse has long bolted” came a deep voice from behind them

    All three swung round in surprise

    “Goatbacca!, I thought you’d retired!” shouted Ben Solo.

    “I tried but every time I think I’m out, they pull me back in……..Now look at the mess we’re in. And you, sillybollocks” said Goatbacca, pointed at Darth Pottle,

    “you’re in right schtuck, you've been commenting in public about others ITK again haven't you?"


    "No fucking buts. Now you've got those two mad ****s Blue and Yellow after you and you know what'll happen if they get their hands on you don't you?"

    Pottle's eyes widened. "Not............"

    "Yes, nodded Goatbacca..........You'll soon be making very intimate friends with a Radish"

    Goatbacca paced up and down as he pondered the situation, he didn't want to do it but he couldn't see any other way. The Jed-ITK had long been masters of a mysterious ability known only as 'The farce' which allowed them to move objects or communicate using only their minds. A thousand yard stare settled across Goatbacca's face as he concentrated.

    A hundred miles away in an office at the Spurs training ground, Harry Shitetalker dropped a call from Talksport as the ghostly figure of Goatbacca appeared. "Aguero to Spurs" said Goatbacca

    "Who the fuck says so?" replied Harry

    "You know what to do Harry, rumour false it is, make the press believe it, you must" and with that he faded out.

    The phone rang again on Harry's desk. It was that grade 1 clitoris from the Daily Mail, sniffing about for a story. Handy.

    "Aguero to Spurs Harry?"

    "Who the fu.....erm, yeah I like the boy, he's a top-top player, but I don't know if its possible, I doubt we'll do anything this window, its hard, very hard" and he replaced the receiver. Job done.

    Find out what happens when Darths Blue and Yellow find Obi-Wan Pottle. Will Goatbacca be able to save him? What will Darth Lee Vee have to say about Dave’s real identity? And was it really Palpatine&Crooks that left the floater in the Jacuzzi?

    The answers to these questions and more in Part 2………………
    • Funny Funny x 16
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  2. Japhet

    Japhet Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
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    I presume the Foyth will be with us soon.
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  3. Everlasting Seconds

    Everlasting Seconds Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
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    Finally something worth reading on this site. :hungry: :p
  4. nickspurs

    nickspurs SC Supporter

    Ratings Received:
    +520 / 9 / -6
    Ben Solo. Prescient!
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. aussiespursguy

    aussiespursguy Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +1,502 / 15 / -13
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. 0-Tibsy-0

    0-Tibsy-0 Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
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    @JJetset on Twitter has indicated the following:

    On Barkley being done:
    The original JJetset‏@jetsetyid 2h2 hours ago
    Sorry not yet it isn't !!

    On it being a last minute job:
    The original JJetset‏@jetsetyid
    Ask Everton !!

    On anything being close transfer wise:
    The original JJetset‏@jetsetyid
    Yes-ish but no
    (The no refers to whether he will divulge)

    Extremely evident that we are in for Barkley and recent ITK seems to indicate that a signing is nearing completion. I take the inference that the Barkley delays are down to Everton, rather than Levy, as indicated by other ITK.

    Edit: Just for reassurance as well - this was posted last night in response to premature concern over our dealings:

    The original JJetset‏@jetsetyid

    Patience ffs things will happen [​IMG]

    Always nice when JJ is reasonably confident..
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2017
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  7. mburns7

    mburns7 Active Member

    Ratings Received:
    +1,091 / 20 / -9
    Would guess linked to them getting Gylfi
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  8. Darth Vega

    Darth Vega Active Member

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    +2,032 / 31 / -3
    If the delays are down to Everton, it's encouraging to hear we're aiming to get him in early at least. My biggest fear with Barkley is that it would become a last minute job a-la Sissoko. Hopefully whatever is holding it up on their end is resolved shortly; would love to have him play some sort of part in our pre-season.
  9. WiganSpur

    WiganSpur Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +15,443 / 454 / -94
    Hopefully it's just a case of them wanting to get Sigurdsson in first then. But I did remember reading something (I think ITK?) a month or so ago somewhere that Everton wanted to wait as long as possible so Ross wouldn't be able to get a proper pre-season under his belt.
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2017
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  10. Hot Spur

    Hot Spur Active Member

    Ratings Received:
    +2,429 / 454 / -324
    I can't see the Siggy situation making any difference, Everton know they have to sell Barkley anyway, regardless of anything else. More likely they are simply "doing a Levy" and hanging it out to the last minute.
    • Agree Agree x 1

    JUSTINSIGNAL Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +22,695 / 647 / -189
    I can't see that. Koeman seems like he just wants to move on with his own team in place. I think he accepted Barkley will be leaving a long time ago.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. ryantegan

    ryantegan Block 33 Season Ticket holder :)

    Ratings Received:
    +18,860 / 180 / -88
    Barkley has potential under Poch to be twice the asset Siggy ever was.

    Good move for us!
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  13. NorthSide

    NorthSide Member

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    Sadly, I think this is quite likely. It suits their interests for us not to get Barkley in until last minute, as it prevents him playing any important part for us for the first weeks of the campaign, and maybe reduces his contribution for quite a while. They will see us as a team they want to beat in the league, we are the weakest financially of those above them last year after all. Might as well go slow just because they can. They would be doing us a favour if this is done anytime soon.
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  14. fecka

    fecka Active Member

    Ratings Received:
    +1,016 / 53 / -9
    Yeah, wasn't there even som ITK of the sort? Them wanting £50m at the start of pre season and then dropping the price at the end just to make sure he doesn't have a decent pre-season with us?
    • Agree Agree x 1
  15. spursfan77

    spursfan77 Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +18,937 / 612 / -148
    We play them on the 9th September so him not having a preseason with us would actually be good for them, as he might not be fully ready to face them
  16. Blackrat1299

    Blackrat1299 Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +3,863 / 153 / -103

    A bit silly really, it means Gylfi won't get a decent pre season.
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  17. thelak

    thelak Active Member

    Ratings Received:
    +1,317 / 40 / -16
    Seems like this could be one of the most underwhelming windows yet given the progress we have made as a squad and how clos we are. Thinking we can't improve our first eleven and Levy only shopping in the bargain section will bite us

    I have no false illusions that Levy wants us to win the league in terms of the true investment needed but keeping the core of the squad together and challenging until the mythical new stadium is opened (we shall see if that ever translates into consistent investment in top established talent) will be challenging if this season we go materially backwards

    Doubt Barkley will have the existing squad excited. Will need a couple of years under Poch to develop his game imo as some huge flaws in his play
    • Doh! Doh! x 5
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  18. yanno

    yanno Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +2,078 / 31 / -14
    According to Argentine newspaper quotes, Estudiantes want a loan back until the end of the year (see player thread).

    So the Foyth would be a Christmas present.

    EDIT - for ease here's the actual quote ("Students" is a google translation of Estudiantes):


    However, not everything will be so easy for Tottenham as in the first instance Students would demand to stay with the player on loan until the end of the year. In case the transfer is made, it would be the largest amount in the history of Students.
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  19. SpartanSpur

    SpartanSpur Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +8,899 / 134 / -45
    Good whoring. I'm a bit annoyed you didn't copy the tweet about the positions we want to improve though.
    • Funny Funny x 3
  20. Shadydan

    Shadydan Well-Known Member

    Ratings Received:
    +40,572 / 1,074 / -407
    I don't see how?
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