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The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - How to Make ITK Exciting - 24th June 2014

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Archibald&Crooks

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Feb 1, 2005
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Morning tards. One hopes this is a more acceptable way of parting with the more mundane ITK?
-----------------

The car sped down the road with at least 30 police cars and several helicopters chasing it, The Goat laughed with reckless abandon as he mounted the pavement, forcing shoppers to scatter left and right to avoid being run over. He didn't need to mount the pavement but he'd seen it done in the fillums and thought it'd be a giggle.

Suddenly a burst of machine gun fire burst his tyres sending the car spinning over and over and over until it finally came to rest against a petrol tanker. Dazed, The Goat managed to drag himself out of the burning car and as the realisation hit him that it was about to explode he ran as hard as he could as the car exploded, sending the petrol tanker flying before it too exploded. The force of the resulting explosion sent him flying through the air and as he landed on the bonnet of a car he rolled off, landing on his feet. The Goat reached behind his neck and drew a great big samurai sword. Ha! He took the classic stance as he watched 500 policemen crouched behind their cars all taking aim at him.

They started firing and The Goat whirled around like a twisty whirly thing, deflecting bullets with the blade of his sword until the firing stopped. As the smoke from their guns cleared The Goat kicked a passing old lady up the chuff and stole a pump action shotgun from out of her trolley.

He took aim at one of the police cars and Bang! he sent a slug straight into its petrol tank, causing a massive chain of explosions as each car in turn went up in flames. The Goat then stole a kids chopper which had conveniently been left leaning against a wall and cycled off as fast as he could. As he was furiously pedalling a Limo pulled alongside it's rear window slowly slid open and Roger Moore stuck his head out, raised an eyebrow and gave him a thumbs up as the Limo took a sharp left just in time to avoid the flow of Lava from a nearby volcano which had erupted 5 minutes earlier.

Just in time, The Goat saw the lava and activated a jet pack which was strapped to his back and soared into the air. As he hovered above what he realised was the steelworks holding up the new stadium, he threw a handful of grenades at it and smiled as he sped off with 349 helicopters in pursuit. All of a sudden he felt a burning sensation in his lower left buttock as the rat-a-tat of a machine gun echoed through the air. A stealth fighter had given him a burst from long range and one of the bullets had hit tthe jetpack and lodged itself in his arse.

"Oh shit" was the last thing that went through his mind as the jetlack spluttered and coughed, finally dying in a plume of smoke, sending him hurtling toward the ground. That day The Goat had the luck of the seven blind bastards however as he landed on a bouncy castle, on the third bounce he missed the bouncy castle and landed on the pavement, knocking him out cold.

Some while later he came to. He was strapped to a table with a very powerful bright light pointed at his face. A police officer read him his rights as two detectives entered the room and sat at the table. One reached over and switched on the tape recorder, the other slid a packet of marlboro light and a lighter across to him.

"You put up a good fight Goat……..But out with it, what's your information?"

The Goat lit a ciggie, puffed a few O rings into the cozzers face, smiled and said

"We're after a centre half"
 
Last edited:

Barry Mead

Well-Known Member
Jan 31, 2013
3,083
4,078
I knew the Goat was sex mad, but mounting a pavement?

Oh well maybe A & C has been giving him ideas

Mind you talking of pavements and the like A & C has had a bit of bother down his local, apparently two lumps of tarmac went in telling everyone they were dead hard and demanding everyone buy them beers.

The locals were all frightened of these two and so sent over beers as they sang bawdy rugby songs as they quaffed them down.
All of a sudden a lump of concrete with a green stripe down the middle came in and the two clammed up and quietly edged to the corner. The lump of concrete had a swift lager and went out the door.

So A & C said "Oi, I thought you were supposed to be dead hard, yet you didn't say a word when that lump of concrete came in"

"Fvck messing with him" one of the lumps of tarmac replied " he's a bit of a cyclepath"
 

DiscoD1882

SC Supporter
Mar 27, 2006
6,934
14,669
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Morning tards. One hopes this is a more acceptable way of parting with the more mundane ITK?
-----------------

The car sped down the road with at least 30 police cars and several helicopters chasing it, The Goat laughed with reckless abandon as he mounted the pavement, forcing shoppers to scatter left and right to avoid being run over. He didn't need to mount the pavement but he'd seen it done in the fillums and thought it'd be a giggle.

Suddenly a burst of machine gun fire burst his tyres sending the car spinning over and over and over until it finally came to rest against a petrol tanker. Dazed, The Goat managed to drag himself out of the burning car and as the realisation hit him that it was about to explode he ran as hard as he could as the car exploded, sending the petrol tanker flying before it too exploded. The force of the resulting explosion sent him flying through the air and as he landed on the bonnet of a car he rolled off, landing on his feet. The Goat reached behind his neck and drew a great big samurai sword. Ha! He took the classic stance as he watched 500 policemen crouched behind their cars all taking aim at him.

They started firing and The Goat whirled around like a twisty whirly thing, deflecting bullets with the blade of his sword until the firing stopped. As the smoke from their guns cleared The Goat kicked a passing old lady up the chuff and stole a pump action shotgun from out of her trolley.

He took aim at one of the police cars and Bang! he sent a slug straight into its petrol tank, causing a massive chain of explosions as each car in turn went up in flames. The Goat then stole a kids chopper which had conveniently been left leaning against a wall and cycled off as fast as he could. As he was furiously pedalling a Limo pulled alongside it's rear window slowly slid open and Roger Moore stuck his head out, raised an eyebrow and gave him a thumbs up as the Limo took a sharp left just in time to avoid the flow of Lava from a nearby volcano which had erupted 5 minutes earlier.

Just in time, The Goat saw the lava and activated a jet pack which was strapped to his back and soared into the air. As he hovered above what he realised was the steelworks holding up the new stadium, he threw a handful of grenades at it and smiled as he sped off with 349 helicopters in pursuit. All of a sudden he felt a burning sensation in his lower left buttock as the rat-a-tat of a machine gun echoed through the air. A stealth fighter had given him a burst from long range and one of the bullets had hit tthe jetpack and lodged itself in his arse.

"Oh shit" was the last thing that went through his mind as the jetlack spluttered and coughed, finally dying in a plume of smoke, sending him hurtling toward the ground. That day The Goat had the luck of the seven blind bastards however as he landed on a bouncy castle, on the third bounce he missed the bouncy castle and landed on the pavement, knocking him out cold.

Some while later he came to. He was strapped to a table with a very powerful bright light pointed at his face. A police officer read him his rights as two detectives entered the room and sat at the table. One reached over and switched on the tape recorder, the other slid a packet of marlboro light and a lighter across to him.

"You put up a good fight Goat……..But out with it, what's your information?"

The Goat lit a ciggie, puffed a few O rings into the cozzers face, smiled and said

"We're after a centre half"
Dear @Archibald&Crooks.

where the Fuck!? Is Lee Majors? I thought I made it pretty clear yesterday when I asked for his inclusion but as yet have seen no mention of the 6 million dollar fall guy? I will not ask again. If he isn't jumping from the building. Into a jeep with an eagle emblazoned on the front. By tomorrow morning. I swear I will hurt the hamsters we are harvesting. You know. The ones for that 'business' we have started

P.s. How does a goat pull a sword from behind his neck? Clearly that's annotomically impossible. If you are going to do these pieces. Please make then believable.

Yours faithfully

DiscoD
 

Zeb

Great big member
Jan 23, 2013
348
1,244
Dear @Archibald&Crooks.

where the Fuck!? Is Lee Majors? I thought I made it pretty clear yesterday when I asked for his inclusion but as yet have seen no mention of the 6 million dollar fall guy? I will not ask again. If he isn't jumping from the building. Into a jeep with an eagle emblazoned on the front. By tomorrow morning. I swear I will hurt the hamsters we are harvesting. You know. The ones for that 'business' we have started

P.s. How does a goat pull a sword from behind his neck? Clearly that's annotomically impossible. If you are going to do these pieces. Please make then believable.

Yours faithfully

DiscoD

Ahem..... and a 6 million dollar cyborg jumping off a building into a Jeep is believable??? :)
 

Gbspurs

Gatekeeper for debates, King of the plonkers
Jan 27, 2011
26,946
61,828
I am unaware of anything. Is it RO worthy or do we need to inject a some excitement into it?

Basically he went fishing but the weather was too nice for it to be exciting so maybe add a thunder storm in or something.(y)
 

absolute bobbins

Am Yisrael Chai
Feb 12, 2013
11,650
25,962
I am unaware of anything. Is it RO worthy or do we need to inject a some excitement into it?
Not really but feel free to judge for yourself.

Trix was on a fishing trip with what seems to be a cadre of agents yesterday.

First off we had a great day, really enjoyed it. The conditions were a bit too good for proper fishing tbh, but for novices it was far better than what I'd call ideal conditions. Anyway I don't want to name too many names because I may well be getting a fair bit of business off the back of today's little excursion, but the stuff I can say I will. There was not much transfer related stuff talked about, but I did push them as far as I thought possible.

Lovren

This is again second hand, as although my mate speaks regularly to his agent he hasn't seen him for at least a week or so. Firstly I need to clarify the comment I made in the Lovren thread regarding him willing to strike. When Lovren joined Southampton he had better options available to him but he decided on Southampton because he bought into the long term plan that Pochetinno and Cortese pitched to him. He was made assurances that the team would be built on and not dismantled as they had a great young squad that in a couple of years could really go places. Well one year in and things are very very different. He understands though that it is not Poch's fault and that Poch has moved on to try and fulfill the same dream he had at Southampton which is to build his own footballing dynasty in his own image. Hard work, a system that is both solid defensively but has fluidity from an attacking pov. Most importantly there has to be strong team ethic where they want to win, not for the fans or the coach, but for each other. When I was told he would go on strike to get his move this was part of a very short conversation I had, where I am not sure I got the whole context. After a more lengthy chat it appears that yes he will strike but that will be a last resort. He feels that he has done things the right way by putting in a transfer request, and that coupled with a decent transfer fee should be enough. He wasn't lied to when he went there but things have changed significantly since he agreed to the move and where he originally thought it might take a couple of years to progress and start to chalenge the top sides he now believes they never will while the current regime is in place.

Levy

Not as disliked by agent folk as I thought. One of the guys that I spoke to has had many dealings with Levy over the last few years, and said Levy is very good at what he does. The agents job is to get the best deals for their players and Levy's job is to get the best possible deal for the club. He said Levy would never expect the agents to role over and he thinks the same from his POV re the chairman. Said whenever he knows he is going to be negotiating with Levy he makes certain he is prepared and knows he has to be on his A game. I asked him about Levy moving the goal posts late in deals and he replied "who doesn't if they have the other guy on the ropes". He also added he is one of the very best as far as looking after the players is concerned. Makes sure they have everything they need when they are new to the club and more so the country. Says the team Levy has working with the players from a non playing perspective are excellent. Worth noting his agency have had a few players at the club and one there at the moment. He said Agents are likely to push players towards a club they have a good working relationship with. I asked if that meant he might be willing to put a word in with Messi, to which he laughed and replied he will retire at either Barca or move back to South America. Nothing else interests him at all.

Hugo

Is very happy at the club and has settled well. believes the squad massively under achieved last season. He said as the goalkeeper he can see everything from a perspective that no one else has. (Hugo's own words apparently)" Last season, it was at times like watching a game of chess where one of the players did not know how the pieces moved. We often had the best team but the worst tactical thinking". Said he has seen enough in training to know we should have done far far better, which is why he is willing to give it another season at least. When i asked if that meant he would definitely stay, I was told "some moves are just too big to turn down". Poch has spoken to him and told him briefly what he plans to do and that Hugo is very much part of his plans. Wished him good luck at the WC and told him he hoped that he comes back with a winners medal. (I expect he said exactly the same to all our WC contingent)
smiley36.gif
Now i don't know if any of the players were consulted prior to the appointment, but apparently he was a very popular choice with a lot of them before Tim had even gone. Read into that what you will.

Poch.

All four of the boys today were very complimentary of him(and I mean very). Even though none of them have had first hand dealings with him(yet) they were all very much of the same opinion. Stuff gets passed between agents and players very quickly and everything they had heard regarding Poch was positive. Both agents said they would encourage their players to speak to Poch if he wanted them, but one of them said they will know more about him through word of mouth than they did anyway. Many of them mix outside of the clubs because they have so much in common, and can't just do regular things.



A couple of smaller bits.

We tried to sign Agbonlahor a good while back but he thought Villa were the better long term prospect.



Villa have a young teenage lad that apparently every agent in the land is trying to get their hands on, but his old man is having none of it. Very, very special was the verdict from them all, and apparently miles ahead of his age group(and not just in this country).
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Feb 1, 2005
55,533
204,721
Cheers! I've slung it into the Read Only and apologise in advance for any lack of groundbreaking information. Get your own erections.
 

bceej

Well-Known Member
Mar 1, 2013
2,444
3,191
Not really but feel free to judge for yourself.

Trix was on a fishing trip with what seems to be a cadre of agents yesterday.

Generally encouraging stuff. Good to see Hugo's got faith in the squad as it would hurt if he was looking for a way out. Also football related people's opinions about Poch and Levy. Should be a successful summer based on this ITK.
 

THFCSPURS19

The Speaker of the Transfer Rumours Forum
Jan 6, 2013
37,886
130,485
Cheers! I've slung it into the Read Only and apologise in advance for any lack of groundbreaking information. Get your own erections.
One suspects that the amount of ITK will slowly start on an upward curve when the first players come back from the World Cup this week.

For example, Lovren's going home this week. We could get some juicy info about him.
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
Admin
Feb 1, 2005
55,533
204,721
Dear @Archibald&Crooks.

where the Fuck!? Is Lee Majors? I thought I made it pretty clear yesterday when I asked for his inclusion but as yet have seen no mention of the 6 million dollar fall guy? I will not ask again. If he isn't jumping from the building. Into a jeep with an eagle emblazoned on the front. By tomorrow morning. I swear I will hurt the hamsters we are harvesting. You know. The ones for that 'business' we have started

P.s. How does a goat pull a sword from behind his neck? Clearly that's annotomically impossible. If you are going to do these pieces. Please make then believable.

Yours faithfully

DiscoD
1: Obviously, the sword was strapped to The Goats back. Ninja stylee.

2: It was a toss up between Roger Moore and Lee Majors. James Bond won, there's only room for one guest appearance per episode

:D
 

Nocando

Well-Known Member
Mar 11, 2012
2,945
4,385
I was hoping for a corny pick up line, but you can't have everything I suppose.

*Edit: Line not necessarily for my benefit or to get into my pants but wont discount the possiblity.
 
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