The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - The Bedknobs & Broomsticks Edition 2nd July 2013

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Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
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44,833
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Good morning ITK tards.​
Well, well......... it all kicked off good and proper yesterday didn't it?​
Paulinho, Villa, Croatian saucepans........... it's rampant.​
And certainly not part of Daniel Levy's masterplan..........​
Fast Forward to the 1st September. The transfer window has just closed. SC is a poisonous place after negotiations for everyone we have been linked with broke down at 11.59pm and we signed nobody. At all.​
Even worse, we sold several players. We could barely field a team. Even the most ardent Levyite is struggling to make a case for the defence, it was always going to happen. Things change, the good he had done can only take you so far the facade had been breached. 'This time you've fucked up big Danny boy' he said to himself as he looked into the mirror, squeezing a pimple.​
A few days later, Spurs were at home for the first time since the Transfer Window closed and the mood was ugly. The team was being read out over the tannoy......"Today's team is.........Lloris, Vertonghen, Bale, Adebayor, Dempsey, Discotheque Benjamin and Walker and erm......well, erm, that's it'​
A murmer went around the crowd. A voice called out 'You're a **** Levy!'.....Suddenly the ground choir, aka the drunken bums in the Park Lane started chanting 'Levy Levy you're a ****, Levy, you're a ****' Several fans even took their season ticket cards out of the official plastic wallets and threw the empty wallets onto the pitch. The ground bums then all turned toward them and chanted 'Yiddo yiddo yiddo'.........​
It got so ugly that the team stopped their warm up routines and left the pitch. Bale twisted an ear on his way off which left us down to six men. (I would have said five but Dempsey gave me the snake eyes) Pretty soon after, the game kicked off. Six men against 11, it wasn't going to be a good day.​
Levy was sat alone in his office shitting himself. Suddenly out of nowhere, a great big four poster bed appeared and a wizened old hag got off it. 'You're that tart off the telly, erm, erm, you know, the silly bint off Murder She Wrote'​
She smiled. 'If you mean Angela Lansbury, then yes. Yes I am.......But today i'm Eglatine Price, the witch off Bedknobs and Broomsticks'​
'whatever' snapped Levy as he slumped back into his chair. Angela Lansbury smiled and said 'If I get you out the shit, you'll have to do me a favour'......Levy's eyebrow's went up so far it almost looked like he had hair. 'Do go on'.......Angela Lansbury leaned forward and whispered into his ear...........​
Spurs were 3-0 down when Levy reached the side of the pitch. Levy walked onto the pitch singing to himself.​
Bobbing along, bobbing along​
Go do a deadline deal for me​
what a chance and one that I will keep​
Sign a star while his club is asleep​
Oh yes i'm bobbing along, bobbing along​
extend the last hour for meeeeee​
He stopped short as the booing reached a crescendo. The crowd went quiet as he raised a microphone to his lips. From the right angle he looked exactly like a Chupa Chups lollipop. The players and officials looked on bemused......​
Then he spoke. 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee'​
Eh? What the fuck? said someone in the crowd. The bloke next to him said 'I think he said Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' they looked at each other said 'fucked if I know' and shrugged.​
Levy then said it again 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' and again 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' then another voice joined in. Then a third, a fourth and a fifth. Pretty soon it was going around the ground as people started chanting 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' A few minutes later the whole ground was rocking to it as everyone chanted "Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee', clapping and stamping their feet.​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Suddenly, in the Spurs Museum, vintage Spurs shirts from 1961 twitched and freed themselves from their frames. A few seconds later several pairs of shirts, shorts and boots ran onto the pitch, as if being worn by some invisible man. Levy smiled and left the pitch. The crowd roared as the shirts of Blanchflower, Mackay, Greaves, Dyson and Smith joined their real life team mates and started stroking the ball around the beffuddled opposition. A three goal deficit was soon reduced by one, then two and pretty soon it was 3-3. The crowd lapped it up, cheering, singing and howling with delight as Spurs went two, three and then four goals up, eventually running out 8-3 winners.​
The final whistle went and the shirts all flopped down lifeless and empty onto the pitch.........the magic had run its course. Levy smiled. They all doubted him but he was Dan the Man. The man with a plan. Dandaman, fo shizzle.​
He walked back into the boardroom and there she was. Angela Lansbury smiled. 'And now for that forfeit you agreed to pay'.......'no problem witchypoo, just name it' said a very very happy Levy.​
She moved toward the great big massive bed, dropped her dress to reveal her snatch, which was rather strangely shaped and looked exactly like a walnut and said 'Ever gone down on a 96 year old'? She smiled and said 'Not Murder She Wrote, more like Suck that you Scrote' as Levy started gagging and retching*........​
THE END​
*Oh come on! Did you really think I was going to tell a story like this without at least some wrongness?​
 

pal90

Active Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2006
Messages
730
#3
Paulinho confirmed by the player himself now. Reckon it will be Wednesday before medicals and signing though.
 

igijedi

Shanghai Yids
Joined
Jun 15, 2012
Messages
166
#4
i think it will have an announcement today.

Paulinho Deal Done
We are delighted to announce that we have reached agreement with Corinthians for the transfer of Paulinho to the Club, subject to the player passing a medical examination.
COME ON YOU OS!!
 

Hoopspur

Probably Optimistaken
Joined
Jun 28, 2012
Messages
4,486
#5
Followed last night but didn't feel I needed to comment. Fantastic. Looking forward to official announcement today. More soon?
 

Bill_Oddie

Everything in Moderation
Staff
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Messages
19,120
#6
Two weeks ago today was the day I predicted for the announcement. If it comes to pass, I suppose you all have to suck me off.

Or something.
 

HappySpur

You Can't Unfry Things Jerri
Joined
Jan 7, 2012
Messages
7,666
#11
So anything less than Paulinho confirmed, Villa promised and two Croats at 99% would mean that today would suck ass. And that's virtually impossible as yesterday would be impossible to repeat.

Well unless A&C were to come up with an opening to the thread that was beyond the......what? the? f***?

Are you serious? I hope you get crotch dander. And not the cool crotch dander. The kind that makes people say "Yuck. He has uncool crotch dander"

Ass
 

TottenhamMattSpur

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2012
Messages
8,921
#12
Good morning ITK tards.​
Well, well......... it all kicked off good and proper yesterday didn't it?​
Paulinho, Villa, Croatian saucepans........... it's rampant.​
And certainly not part of Daniel Levy's masterplan..........​
Fast Forward to the 1st September. The transfer window has just closed. SC is a poisonous place after negotiations for everyone we have been linked with broke down at 11.59pm and we signed nobody. At all.​
Even worse, we sold several players. We could barely field a team. Even the most ardent Levyite is struggling to make a case for the defence, it was always going to happen. Things change, the good he had done can only take you so far the facade had been breached. 'This time you've fucked up big Danny boy' he said to himself as he looked into the mirror, squeezing a pimple.​
A few days later, Spurs were at home for the first time since the Transfer Window closed and the mood was ugly. The team was being read out over the tannoy......"Today's team is.........Lloris, Vertonghen, Bale, Adebayor, Dempsey, Discotheque Benjamin and Walker and erm......well, erm, that's it'​
A murmer went around the crowd. A voice called out 'You're a **** Levy!'.....Suddenly the ground choir, aka the drunken bums in the Park Lane started chanting 'Levy Levy you're a ****, Levy, you're a ****' Several fans even took their season ticket cards out of the official plastic wallets and threw the empty wallets onto the pitch. The ground bums then all turned toward them and chanted 'Yiddo yiddo yiddo'.........​
It got so ugly that the team stopped their warm up routines and left the pitch. Bale twisted an ear on his way off which left us down to six men. (I would have said five but Dempsey gave me the snake eyes) Pretty soon after, the game kicked off. Six men against 11, it wasn't going to be a good day.​
Levy was sat alone in his office shitting himself. Suddenly out of nowhere, a great big four poster bed appeared and a wizened old hag got off it. 'You're that tart off the telly, erm, erm, you know, the silly bint off Murder She Wrote'​
She smiled. 'If you mean Angela Lansbury, then yes. Yes I am.......But today i'm Eglatine Price, the witch off Bedknobs and Broomsticks'​
'whatever' snapped Levy as he slumped back into his chair. Angela Lansbury smiled and said 'If I get you out the shit, you'll have to do me a favour'......Levy's eyebrow's went up so far it almost looked like he had hair. 'Do go on'.......Angela Lansbury leaned forward and whispered into his ear...........​
Spurs were 3-0 down when Levy reached the side of the pitch. Levy walked onto the pitch singing to himself.​
Bobbing along, bobbing along​
Go do a deadline deal for me​
what a chance and one that I will keep​
Sign a star while his club is asleep​
Oh yes i'm bobbing along, bobbing along​
extend the last hour for meeeeee​
He stopped short as the booing reached a crescendo. The crowd went quiet as he raised a microphone to his lips. From the right angle he looked exactly like a Chupa Chups lollipop. The players and officials looked on bemused......​
Then he spoke. 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee'​
Eh? What the fuck? said someone in the crowd. The bloke next to him said 'I think he said Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' they looked at each other said 'fucked if I know' and shrugged.​
Levy then said it again 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' and again 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' then another voice joined in. Then a third, a fourth and a fifth. Pretty soon it was going around the ground as people started chanting 'Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee' A few minutes later the whole ground was rocking to it as everyone chanted "Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee', clapping and stamping their feet.​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Traguna, Macoides, Tracorum Sadis Dee​
Suddenly, in the Spurs Museum, vintage Spurs shirts from 1961 twitched and freed themselves from their frames. A few seconds later several pairs of shirts, shorts and boots ran onto the pitch, as if being worn by some invisible man. Levy smiled and left the pitch. The crowd roared as the shirts of Blanchflower, Mackay, Greaves, Dyson and Smith joined their real life team mates and started stroking the ball around the beffuddled opposition. A three goal deficit was soon reduced by one, then two and pretty soon it was 3-3. The crowd lapped it up, cheering, singing and howling with delight as Spurs went two, three and then four goals up, eventually running out 8-3 winners.​
The final whistle went and the shirts all flopped down lifeless and empty onto the pitch.........the magic had run its course. Levy smiled. They all doubted him but he was Dan the Man. The man with a plan. Dandaman, fo shizzle.​
He walked back into the boardroom and there she was. Angela Lansbury smiled. 'And now for that forfeit you agreed to pay'.......'no problem witchypoo, just name it' said a very very happy Levy.​
She moved toward the great big massive bed, dropped her dress to reveal her snatch, which was rather strangely shaped and looked exactly like a walnut and said 'Ever gone down on a 96 year old'? She smiled and said 'Not Murder She Wrote, more like Suck that you Scrote' as Levy started gagging and retching*........​
THE END​
*Oh come on! Did you really think I was going to tell a story like this without at least some wrongness?​

So he got us out of a pickle against the arse.
That's only one game!
LEVY OUT!!!!!!!!!
 

whitechina

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 27, 2012
Messages
1,397
#15
A new day and a new dawn; but what an amazing high this week has been for us Spurs supporters!
To be attracting the players we are genuinely connected to is a massive statement of intent and shows faith in the management team from the board.
This week or so hasn’t been a rollercoaster- it just keeps going up! Long may it continue. I hope for an out and out striker to keep moving us forward- anymore signings will be either to fill gaps of departing players or taking into account the length of injuries to the present squad. I hope by putting this down it doesn’t mean a dip is on the horizon but today it feels really good to be a Spurs supporter!
Also as in the pledges page this week could also cost me a small packet come September 3rd! And for once I don’t mind being out of pocket as I hope to see some of the new players in Hong Kong in a few weeks.(y)
 

dirtyh

One Skin, two skin.....
Joined
Jun 24, 2011
Messages
3,991
#16
Any news on Villa? This could be a great week for being a Spurs fan.

morning mate. every week is a great week to be spurs (y)

according to gards last night, he'll be announced before the weekend, exciting times.......
 

voxy28

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
3,175
#20
Who said it chicco?
Hope I dd not violate the rules....

From COYS:

fleetingmind, on 02 Jul 2013 - 1:54 PM, said:

I posted a few days ago That I met someone who claimed Bale had signed new 4 year deal, 2 signings this week and we've accepted 6m bid from Besiktas. Ade is not keen though.​
 
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