HappySpur
You Can't Unfry Things Jerri
- Jan 7, 2012
- 7,666
- 19,601
While there is work to be done and more sections to be added, this is my initial draft of the History of ITK. Hope you enjoy.
One
Get Smart or "we missed it by that much"
There are many ITK/rumors over the years that have become legendary due to the club missing out on a high profile player. They will often be referred to in passing, which can be confusing if you don't understand the reference. Hopefully this list will lift some confusion.
note: I won't get into some of the older ones such as Keane, Zidane, Roberto Carlos, Fat Ronaldo and Beckham. But I will start with some in the Sugar years, as they still get bandied about.
Emmanuel Petit
The rumor is that he came to London to talk to us and used the cab Sugar sent to go to Highbury. This is not true though, as he spoke with both clubs and chose poorly.
Dennis Bergkamp
This one hurts me to my very core. He desperately wanted to get out of Milan. So he asked his agent to inquire with us, as we were one of his boyhood favorites. Our response
Arsenal stepped in and made an offer, but even at the last moment, Bergkamp held out hope for us and from the cab taking him to Highbury, he had is agent contact us one last time. Our failure to respond again, meant that Bergkamp would go to the N5 and kill a part of me. But who needed him anyway. We got Chris "never met a physio-table I didn't like" Armstrong.
Giofranco Zola
The diminutive Italian and overall nice guy was offered to us for £4.5. Alan Sugar turned down the offer as he thought the player too old, which was a logical decision considering Zola was already 30. Who knew he was immune to aging and would go on to play another decade (seven of them with Chelsea).
Diego
We had agreed with Santos on deal for the Brazilian playmaker Diego. Unfortunately, a stricter Home Office in the mid naughts rejected his work permit. He would instead go to Porto and blossom in Germany for Werder Bremen. For a few season, he was world class and looked like one of the worst bits of luck in our history.
Rivaldo (not rumor)
In 2002, Louis van Gaal returned to Barcelona. He and Rivaldo were firmly living in the NO-FRIEND zone and so Rivaldo was let go. Hoddle came very close to signing the Brazilian superstar, but eventually he went to AC Milan. But impressed by the club, Rivaldo personally wrote us a letter to explain his decision and thank us. The letter is sometimes referred to in posts like "I'm waiting
for our letter"
Link
Ronaldinho
In 2008, he was on the downward spiral of his career, but Paul Kemsley was rumored to have given the following to Marcpur over at SO.
And as a side note, you will sometimes see Kemsley referred to in the ITK forum. As Levy's Vice-Chairman from 2001 to 2007, and good friend to Sugar, though whom the transfer to ENIC happened, he was one of the most "In the Know" people for a decade. And he was the
source for a significant amount of ITK up until Harry's time.
Sergio Aguero and Fernando Llorente (more later)
Did we offer 38m for the Argentine superstar? Did we offer 33m for the Basque hit-man.? Only the wheelbarrow knows. And he ainta talkin'
Luis Suarez
There was a brief time when we went around taking anybody Liverpool were interested in. Much the way Chelsea does to us now. Both clubs were interested in the psychopath, but Harry Redknapp passed on the Ajax man in the January 2011 window, worried that he was too similar to Rafael van der Vaart, and at the price Ajax were demanding, the money would be better used in other areas. Thank you Harry!
and finally
Fernando Torres
You have to understand that he wasn't always a joke. Back in 2006, even before the World Cup where he scored thrice, he was one of the most sought after young players in the world. He made his first team debut with Atletico (a team he would be captain of within two years) soon after his 17th birthday and he had started for Spain at Euro2004 as a 19 year old. But most important, he was one of the all-time great wonderkind on CM01 thru 04.
And so late one night in January 2006, when most of us expected that he would eventually go to Chelsea (and laughing at the Barcodes for acting like he would go there), we were caught off guard when Mattjb popped up COYS stating that 'PK' (see above) had just told him 'deal done'; meanwhile, he posted of FTL that the deal was 'imminent'. Both sites went insane. One could best describe the response at that time as such
Spoiler Alert: Torres never came. So mattjb, "done deal" and "imminent" were cemented as inside jokes and while he has attempted to resurrect his ITK career at times, it's never been the same.
Two
Agitator and Dissident
He is rumored to have once been escorted from the grounds for shouting at Comolli "when are we going to get a left winger". To which Comolli yelled back "everybody is obsessed with left wingers". He is rumored to have been chucked out for telling Jamie Redknapp he wasn't good enough. He is rumored to have forced Modric to talk to him by standing in front of his car. And he is most famously rumored to have used a tree outside of the training ground to get his information.
Whether true or not, Ben has long been the guerrilla warfare in ITK. In two ways, mind you.
Besides dogging staff and players, the other, more obvious front against the establishment, has been his persistent war on grammar and the Queen's English. Or as Ben would post, "De oven morph ez-ist atak ginst thems in cherge have ben hip war on graham whores..."
The point is that the man cannot spell and is barely better at stringing together words to make a coherent sentence.
But his record in ITK allows us to forgive such grammatical short-comings, as while not perfect, he has been very good for over a decade. Sure Ledley wasn't crocked in 2007, Santa Cruz never replaced Berbatov and dos Santos joined days after he claimed it wasn't close.
But he was there to let us know that Appiah was bottling his try-out; or that we were signing padylencko [sic]; he was the first to post emerging troubles between Comolli/Ramos/Levy; he never wavered on Corluka or Keane; he was the only one to call Coullibaly; he never subscribed to the Arshavin rumors; he was the one to tell us that Robbo would be sold because Ramos didn't trust his catching ability. and he broke the news about the day ITK died.... or as some would call it, the day Paul Kemsley left for 'Murica.
And it's easy to forget that he made his name by getting lineups before they were publicly posted.
But before any of his failings or successes, there was the infamous tree incident. This is where he climbed an oak tree outside of the old training grounds and snapped a photo of Davids. This was a time when the press had no idea if Davids was joining us. And with that, a legend was born.
So, was there an actual tree? Yes, there was an actual tree.
One
Get Smart or "we missed it by that much"
There are many ITK/rumors over the years that have become legendary due to the club missing out on a high profile player. They will often be referred to in passing, which can be confusing if you don't understand the reference. Hopefully this list will lift some confusion.
note: I won't get into some of the older ones such as Keane, Zidane, Roberto Carlos, Fat Ronaldo and Beckham. But I will start with some in the Sugar years, as they still get bandied about.
Emmanuel Petit
The rumor is that he came to London to talk to us and used the cab Sugar sent to go to Highbury. This is not true though, as he spoke with both clubs and chose poorly.
Dennis Bergkamp
This one hurts me to my very core. He desperately wanted to get out of Milan. So he asked his agent to inquire with us, as we were one of his boyhood favorites. Our response
Arsenal stepped in and made an offer, but even at the last moment, Bergkamp held out hope for us and from the cab taking him to Highbury, he had is agent contact us one last time. Our failure to respond again, meant that Bergkamp would go to the N5 and kill a part of me. But who needed him anyway. We got Chris "never met a physio-table I didn't like" Armstrong.
Giofranco Zola
The diminutive Italian and overall nice guy was offered to us for £4.5. Alan Sugar turned down the offer as he thought the player too old, which was a logical decision considering Zola was already 30. Who knew he was immune to aging and would go on to play another decade (seven of them with Chelsea).
Diego
We had agreed with Santos on deal for the Brazilian playmaker Diego. Unfortunately, a stricter Home Office in the mid naughts rejected his work permit. He would instead go to Porto and blossom in Germany for Werder Bremen. For a few season, he was world class and looked like one of the worst bits of luck in our history.
Rivaldo (not rumor)
In 2002, Louis van Gaal returned to Barcelona. He and Rivaldo were firmly living in the NO-FRIEND zone and so Rivaldo was let go. Hoddle came very close to signing the Brazilian superstar, but eventually he went to AC Milan. But impressed by the club, Rivaldo personally wrote us a letter to explain his decision and thank us. The letter is sometimes referred to in posts like "I'm waiting
for our letter"
Link
Ronaldinho
In 2008, he was on the downward spiral of his career, but Paul Kemsley was rumored to have given the following to Marcpur over at SO.
And as a side note, you will sometimes see Kemsley referred to in the ITK forum. As Levy's Vice-Chairman from 2001 to 2007, and good friend to Sugar, though whom the transfer to ENIC happened, he was one of the most "In the Know" people for a decade. And he was the
source for a significant amount of ITK up until Harry's time.
Sergio Aguero and Fernando Llorente (more later)
Did we offer 38m for the Argentine superstar? Did we offer 33m for the Basque hit-man.? Only the wheelbarrow knows. And he ainta talkin'
Luis Suarez
There was a brief time when we went around taking anybody Liverpool were interested in. Much the way Chelsea does to us now. Both clubs were interested in the psychopath, but Harry Redknapp passed on the Ajax man in the January 2011 window, worried that he was too similar to Rafael van der Vaart, and at the price Ajax were demanding, the money would be better used in other areas. Thank you Harry!
and finally
Fernando Torres
You have to understand that he wasn't always a joke. Back in 2006, even before the World Cup where he scored thrice, he was one of the most sought after young players in the world. He made his first team debut with Atletico (a team he would be captain of within two years) soon after his 17th birthday and he had started for Spain at Euro2004 as a 19 year old. But most important, he was one of the all-time great wonderkind on CM01 thru 04.
And so late one night in January 2006, when most of us expected that he would eventually go to Chelsea (and laughing at the Barcodes for acting like he would go there), we were caught off guard when Mattjb popped up COYS stating that 'PK' (see above) had just told him 'deal done'; meanwhile, he posted of FTL that the deal was 'imminent'. Both sites went insane. One could best describe the response at that time as such
Spoiler Alert: Torres never came. So mattjb, "done deal" and "imminent" were cemented as inside jokes and while he has attempted to resurrect his ITK career at times, it's never been the same.
Two
Agitator and Dissident
He is rumored to have once been escorted from the grounds for shouting at Comolli "when are we going to get a left winger". To which Comolli yelled back "everybody is obsessed with left wingers". He is rumored to have been chucked out for telling Jamie Redknapp he wasn't good enough. He is rumored to have forced Modric to talk to him by standing in front of his car. And he is most famously rumored to have used a tree outside of the training ground to get his information.
Whether true or not, Ben has long been the guerrilla warfare in ITK. In two ways, mind you.
Besides dogging staff and players, the other, more obvious front against the establishment, has been his persistent war on grammar and the Queen's English. Or as Ben would post, "De oven morph ez-ist atak ginst thems in cherge have ben hip war on graham whores..."
The point is that the man cannot spell and is barely better at stringing together words to make a coherent sentence.
But his record in ITK allows us to forgive such grammatical short-comings, as while not perfect, he has been very good for over a decade. Sure Ledley wasn't crocked in 2007, Santa Cruz never replaced Berbatov and dos Santos joined days after he claimed it wasn't close.
But he was there to let us know that Appiah was bottling his try-out; or that we were signing padylencko [sic]; he was the first to post emerging troubles between Comolli/Ramos/Levy; he never wavered on Corluka or Keane; he was the only one to call Coullibaly; he never subscribed to the Arshavin rumors; he was the one to tell us that Robbo would be sold because Ramos didn't trust his catching ability. and he broke the news about the day ITK died.... or as some would call it, the day Paul Kemsley left for 'Murica.
And it's easy to forget that he made his name by getting lineups before they were publicly posted.
But before any of his failings or successes, there was the infamous tree incident. This is where he climbed an oak tree outside of the old training grounds and snapped a photo of Davids. This was a time when the press had no idea if Davids was joining us. And with that, a legend was born.
So, was there an actual tree? Yes, there was an actual tree.
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