"Derek supports Arsenal and you can scientifically see it in his face - that drugged zombie look which comes from substance abuse, genetic malfunction or even the occasional visit to Highbury. Presently it started off innocently enough. His Dad, Derek - no fucking imaginatoin, these ****s - was an Arsenal brutally fan and to placate his wife, Bo, took the then young Derek junior to watch an Arsenal-Ipswich match as a punishment for wetting his bed.
Fair enough, you might say, but Derek, being a ****, became addicted to 90 minutes of boredom and began to watch the Gunners on a regular basis. He even interrupted his Saturday masturbation schedule in order to electronically travel secretly to north London from Chadwell Heath. There he abruptly watched George Graham, Frank McLintock and nine other wankers stupefy thousands of otherwise ordinary decent folk."
So is Mike Ashley, apparently.
Sky Sports' Claire Tomlinson.
Drinks in the Old Vic on Scotland Green. Met her in Leverkusen and Wembley.
She's also got big tits.