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The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - The Home Gnomelone Edition 30th July 2013

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Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
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Feb 1, 2005
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Morning lunatics​
Ready for another day in the asylum? Of course you are.​
Mrs A&C thinks I should act more like a gentleman. That's bullshit - this morning I even held the door open for her when she took the rubbish out. And while i'm on the subject of Mrs A&C, my dogs favourite toy is a large rubber thing shaped like a bone and she'd rather play with that than play with me. So the dog and Mrs A&C have that in common too.

But I digress, you're not here to read about my problems, you're here for the eyeteekay. Well, it's pretty much summed up with Soldado is approaching/close/closer/on the brink/done/we got this and Bale is going/might not be going/is definitely staying.

ITK on anyone else recently is pretty thin on the ground/does not exist.

Could it be that Soldado is a no go and the perceived delay is explained by Levy trying to come up with an 'out' that saves face?

Bale is going nowhere. But we can't leave it there can we nutjobs? Surely there's some revenge to be had on Florentino Perez and Marca? You'd like that wouldn't you? Well come with me, come with me to a place called 'Levyland', it's where he goes to relax, to be himself. Only the most trusted of his inner circle are allowed in. And me of course, because i'm the one making it all up.

Are you ready? Sure? Got your coffee, toast and a fag on the go? OK, here we go.........

Madrid. The heat was stifling. Daniel Levy mopped his brow for about the thirtyeth time as he sat in the large black 4x4 watching. His men were in position and it was all down to timing. If they got this right revenge would be his. He smiled at the thought. He was going to fuck that bastard right up. No messing.

Suddenly their mark appeared. As Florentino Perez opened the door to his car Levy's henchmen sprang into action. One distracted him while a second burly skinheaded man tapped him over the head with a cosh. 'Did you see that?' laughed Levy.........'Perez went down like the sack of shit he is'......He watched keenly as the unconscious Perez was bundled into the back of a van. The radio crackled into life 'Broadsword calling Danny Boy, Broadsword calling Danny Boy'......Levys eyes rolled back in his head as he sighed. Them silly ****s still thank that's funny he thought to himself as he clicked the radio. 'Danny Boy to Broadsword, well done. You know where to take him'.....The radio crackled again 'Check......Levyland, ETA 12 hours'

'Okay' said Levy, 'time to roll, lets get there'

'What about Soldado?' asked his assistant, Timmykins Sherwood. 'Fuck Soldado, that can wait. We've got a whole month to deal with that' (Note from A&C: I love this bit. You get a story AND the reason why it's taking so long)

12 hours later. Levyland. Only 4 people were present. Daniel Levy, Florentino Perez, Timmykins Sherwood and Gareth Bale. All four men were dressed in Levy's 'uniform' which he only wears in private.

What happened next cannot be described without resulting in at least some of you having to undergo therapy. Having said that, you all need a few sessions anyway, so i'll crack on. Perhaps it's best captured by taking a photo. It's real, none of that photoshopped palaver, I was there. You want to know what happened don't you? You're all such whores.

Gnomes-3.jpg
And so it came to pass that Florentino Perez was set free and clearly understood who and what he was dealing with. He knows that we have the negatives and he knows we'll use them. But don't worry Senor Perez. The soreness will fade and you'll soon stop walking bow legged. You might get him, but it'll be when we want and for the price we want. That or you can fuck off. You might fuck with the rest of the footballing word, but where Levy is concerned, HE does the fucking. Remember that fatso.​
Credit and many thanks to Chrissivad for his photoshopping skillz
EDIT: Today's word of the day is: Patience​
 

0-Tibsy-0

Well-Known Member
Aug 13, 2012
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I was shopping yesterday on holiday and saw a 6 year old kid wearing a Real Madrid kit in the supermarket, it's completely understandable and normal that it angered me so much that I actively had to walk down another aisle so I wouldn't viciously batter the kid with the crusty baguette (not a euphemism...) I was carrying, yeah? Just checking these emotions are normal in this domain and I don't need help...quite yet...
 

atoubasrightfoot

Well-Known Member
Oct 1, 2006
534
1,159
Can't see the Cobra being right on this one, too much smoke around. Unless GB or the club release something then the gutter press will continue to make hay....
 

Adam456

Well-Known Member
Jul 1, 2005
4,453
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I believe a Victorian quote sums it up for me. Yes Victoria Pollard.

This is 'flippen boren'
 

spursLA

Raising the 4th generation
Feb 3, 2005
417
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Thank you A&C. No matter how sad I feel that I have to check this just before going to bed, its good to know that you feel the need to do this first thing in the morning. Thank you for being my downward comparison.
 

SonicSarr

Well-Known Member
Jun 7, 2012
2,944
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It is all pretty static on Soldado and Bale but it has been suggested that there are likely to be more after Soldado but no real suggestions as yet (although Coentrao has been mentioned a while back). Time for an ITK to stick their head above the parapet and give us a name to throw around. Sod patience I'm here for ITK. Give it to me :mad:;)
 

Flashspur

Well-Known Member
Jul 28, 2012
6,882
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i suppose it is interesting for Perez to be the f*ckee than the f*cker for a change.......brings to mind the scene in Pulp Fiction where Ving Rhames character Marcellus gets his just desserts....i am sure it would change his (Perez) perspective on life
 

robbiedee

Mama said knock you out
Jul 6, 2012
2,713
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Well I go on my hols on Saturday and believe 2 things will happen by then...

1. Soldado will be confirmed
2. Bale will announce he is staying

Optimistic - yes, crazy? - not completely!

I love sky sports news..."the Bale transfer drama is the story that won't go away"

Hmmmm why is that sky sports??? Bunch of twunts.
 

Flashspur

Well-Known Member
Jul 28, 2012
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if there is a moment in time when you wanted the football Gods to smile in our direction THIS IS IT :D
 

Locotoro

Prince of Zamunda
Sep 2, 2004
9,326
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Took a heavy dump this morning and managed to curl one out in the shape of an "S" so by that I'm willing to put my turd on the line and say Soldado will sign today
 

Danners9

Available on a Free Transfer
Mar 30, 2004
13,998
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Well I go on my hols on Saturday and believe 2 things will happen by then...

1. Soldado will be confirmed
2. Bale will announce he is staying

Optimistic - yes, crazy? - not completely!

I love sky sports news..."the Bale transfer drama is the story that won't go away"

Hmmmm why is that sky sports??? Bunch of twunts.

How odd, Sky wishing away the face of BT Sport.. weird.
 

daveduvet

Well-Known Member
Oct 6, 2008
5,610
15,214
Ffs... Just listened to the sports twat on radio 4's today programme - trying to create the exclusive that "can we see Bale's transfer completed within a week? Perez always gets his man etc"....Bale was the only focus this morning, no other sport was mentioned within daily sports round up: pathetic
 
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