- Feb 1, 2005
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- #1
Morning lunatics
Ready for another day in the asylum? Of course you are.
Mrs A&C thinks I should act more like a gentleman. That's bullshit - this morning I even held the door open for her when she took the rubbish out. And while i'm on the subject of Mrs A&C, my dogs favourite toy is a large rubber thing shaped like a bone and she'd rather play with that than play with me. So the dog and Mrs A&C have that in common too.But I digress, you're not here to read about my problems, you're here for the eyeteekay. Well, it's pretty much summed up with Soldado is approaching/close/closer/on the brink/done/we got this and Bale is going/might not be going/is definitely staying.
ITK on anyone else recently is pretty thin on the ground/does not exist.
Could it be that Soldado is a no go and the perceived delay is explained by Levy trying to come up with an 'out' that saves face?
Bale is going nowhere. But we can't leave it there can we nutjobs? Surely there's some revenge to be had on Florentino Perez and Marca? You'd like that wouldn't you? Well come with me, come with me to a place called 'Levyland', it's where he goes to relax, to be himself. Only the most trusted of his inner circle are allowed in. And me of course, because i'm the one making it all up.
Are you ready? Sure? Got your coffee, toast and a fag on the go? OK, here we go.........
Madrid. The heat was stifling. Daniel Levy mopped his brow for about the thirtyeth time as he sat in the large black 4x4 watching. His men were in position and it was all down to timing. If they got this right revenge would be his. He smiled at the thought. He was going to fuck that bastard right up. No messing.
Suddenly their mark appeared. As Florentino Perez opened the door to his car Levy's henchmen sprang into action. One distracted him while a second burly skinheaded man tapped him over the head with a cosh. 'Did you see that?' laughed Levy.........'Perez went down like the sack of shit he is'......He watched keenly as the unconscious Perez was bundled into the back of a van. The radio crackled into life 'Broadsword calling Danny Boy, Broadsword calling Danny Boy'......Levys eyes rolled back in his head as he sighed. Them silly ****s still thank that's funny he thought to himself as he clicked the radio. 'Danny Boy to Broadsword, well done. You know where to take him'.....The radio crackled again 'Check......Levyland, ETA 12 hours'
'Okay' said Levy, 'time to roll, lets get there'
'What about Soldado?' asked his assistant, Timmykins Sherwood. 'Fuck Soldado, that can wait. We've got a whole month to deal with that' (Note from A&C: I love this bit. You get a story AND the reason why it's taking so long)
12 hours later. Levyland. Only 4 people were present. Daniel Levy, Florentino Perez, Timmykins Sherwood and Gareth Bale. All four men were dressed in Levy's 'uniform' which he only wears in private.
What happened next cannot be described without resulting in at least some of you having to undergo therapy. Having said that, you all need a few sessions anyway, so i'll crack on. Perhaps it's best captured by taking a photo. It's real, none of that photoshopped palaver, I was there. You want to know what happened don't you? You're all such whores.
And so it came to pass that Florentino Perez was set free and clearly understood who and what he was dealing with. He knows that we have the negatives and he knows we'll use them. But don't worry Senor Perez. The soreness will fade and you'll soon stop walking bow legged. You might get him, but it'll be when we want and for the price we want. That or you can fuck off. You might fuck with the rest of the footballing word, but where Levy is concerned, HE does the fucking. Remember that fatso.
Credit and many thanks to Chrissivad for his photoshopping skillz
EDIT: Today's word of the day is: Patience