- Dec 8, 2004
- 5,278
- 846
Hi all,
this was something I've been thinking about for a few years. I've broken this down into a few sections as it's obviously a nuanced and complex topic. Having reread my post before submitting, it doesn't at all cover everything I feel, but touches on some of the main points with varying scrutiny.
Me: I'm 34 years old. Dad started taking me to Spurs in 98 and we became season ticket holders in 99. I was 12. I wasn't really interested in football for a couple of seasons then got really into the tactics aged around 15. Cut to the present and I've had a home and away season ticket and have seen Spurs win, (not just play, win) in every premier league stadium bar Bumenal and Klanfield and most of the championship clubs as well as they yo yo up to the prem. I've seen us play in the best part of 100 stadiums. I'm very privileged and lucky. I still have my season ticket now. I even worked for my local Barnet football club after uni for most of a year. At one point I was working for a football club, playing football with friends and watching football as a hobby. It didn't take over my life, but it has been a big part of it at certain points.
Having said that though, I've always been a quiet fan. Frankly, I don't sing, I just about stand up (happy) when we score but without really making much sound and only really relax at the final whistle if the game is close, (otherwise I'm just relaxed anyway). I've always taken pride in the fact that my club is one of the few that hasn't run into massive debt or taken on slave/oil/mafia money and tried to win (relatively) clean. This last point is my opinion and my view and not fact which is relevant for the rest of the post.
'The fan': I've got kinda a natural interest in psychology/sociology. I'm not saying I'm well versed in it but I have often contemplated that the reason team sports between 2 sides are so popular is because they mimic tribalism and war which is perhaps ingrained in the DNA of man as part of an evolutionary survival of the fittest trait. It's the best of both worlds, nobody actually dies in the name of something sensitive such as politics, religion or even power or greed, and we still employ the same passion, animosity even and bragging rights. On the surface, cheering for your club, crying tears of joy with happiness or sadness because of results etc makes no sense and in fact could appear alarming psychologically in the eyes of a loved one who isn't interested in football. But look deeper and I feel there is a reason behind everything, namely the above points I mentioned. Spurs have been a big, big part of my life from a developmental age. The emotions I have sometimes felt can be quite powerful (the most extreme of which I will come on to), even if I don't necessarily think about Spurs for days at a time.
Where I am now: If I'm being completely honest, I have mixed and contradictory feelings about my relationship with football as a fan. I probably think about Spurs once or twice a day for a couple of minutes, I enjoy listening to the Fighting Cock and Extra Inch podcasts as and when they release and briefly checking this forum a few times a week, not daily anymore. If we have a big final coming up, rare as they are, I think about it daily for a bit longer. In the Summer, I can switch off for weeks and maybe listen to my friends talking about transfers, perhaps check SC ITK. I hold down a promising job, outside of Covid, I enjoy a Brazillian dance style with my girlfriend which I commit far more time to than any other hobby, see my friends, go on holiday etc etc. My work life balance is fairly average and I think life has really improved for me in recent years. I do have a history of mild depression and generalised anxiety disorder, but they haven't really bothered me in recent years, especially as my life has improved a lot. What I'm really saying is, I feel that I'm aware that football can be tribalist in nature and can really consume the lives of people, but that I don't get too sucked into it..... but on the other hand, I commit so much time to going to games, (away games write off a day, cost a lot. European games are a full on trip, annual leave, money etc) and allocating a sizeable amount of my personal time to it, that I feel that I'm partly sucked into it being an important part of my life purely because of how much time I spend on it. In short, football is an unimportant thing that has become very important to me, purely because of the time I spend on it being significant, with the caveat that I still think my time commitment is not unhealthy.
What inspired this post: 2 things really and they kinda link to each other. First is the champions league final, which I went to, second is the state of the club. The semi final was incredible to watch and our biggest ever game. Seeing our name as finalists felt very unspurslike and unbelievable. Crucially, I did not allow myself to believe we would win but I felt immensely happy that Levy's 'win it clean' project somehow had gotten this close to bearing fruit in the biggest way possible. The CL for me is the most important trophy fully stop; I personally do not buy into the Wenger attitude of winning your domestic league first, as if telling a child to finish their veg before they can have dessert. That's just my personal opinion. Let me break down what winning the CL would have done for me:
-I'd have witnessed project 'win clean' bear fruit against a sporting world of financial doping from seriously ill gotten means. A shining light in a weary, broken world.
-I'd have witnessed us defeat my personally most hated club, Liverpool in the biggest possible club match.
-I'd also have been proud and happy that not only did project 'win clean' bear fruit, but it was my club that did it after all the years of building.
-I've never actually seen us win a trophy in person. To win it at the Calderon near the pitch would have been amazing.
It should be recognised however, that most club fans probably feel as we do, that we've been unfortunate and been building for years etc. I'll briefly mention that the reason I loathe Liverpool is their luck over the years, which in my opinion far outshines anyone else's when weighted by whether it occurred in important matches or not which has then gone on to help them build due to their undeserved past successes, their attitude, their sense of entitlement, the immense respect they had even in the pre Klopp era, their fan ethos.
This then collapsed and I think broke the Poch. It also broke some of our players. Jose has been a refresher but in my opinion, has been yesterday's man since his second stint at Chelsea. We are now playing dirty and 'win clean' is nearly gone. Almost once every month or 2, I go back and watch BT sport videos on youtube of our second leg semi final and honestly, I almost cry every time. The pain of what I was so close to witnessing hasn't really waned (much) and that slightly concerns me. I think the fact that it was specifically against Liverpool was too much for me and I couldn't allow myself to believe it could be done with a pitiful 'good things don't happen to me or the world' selfish attitude. Evil always wins etc. The entire weekend trip was just horrible, beginning the end. I have never seen so many spurs fans cry and a lot of it is a hazy memory, even though I don't drink. I've had some fun Spurs memories of course, the league cup semi against Bumenal and random last minute goals when going to away games. But I also question whether the reason some of those feel so good is because they feel like a reprieve rather than great in their own right. If so, is that healthy? Sports is something where it's easy to keep wanting more. If you win 1 trophy, you want the rest. If you win all trophies, you want clean sheets, goals, records broken. Are we unhappy unless we retain the septuple conceded 0 and scoring a million? What next? Score a million and one? I do certainly enjoy watching great football, watching Bale in his first stint felt like money well spent, regardless of the result. Similarly for Berbatov and even Ledders and Jan. Great players can make us forget about the results business and actually make us stop and enjoy what we are seeing. I really like when that happens.
I'm not saying this post is a cry for help; but it does bother me how much something like sports can hurt me and even make me feel good on the basis of commiting so much time to it such that it becomes important on the basis of time spent alone. 'Oh what could have been'. I wonder if this is something similar to gambling problems or generally addictive personalities. I honestly right now feel a bit stuck. Jose football is, to me personally, not what I want and I want a new Poch style project with somebody fresh like Nagelsmann - wishful thinking at the moment. On a personal level though, following a football club is somewhat tiring, quite interesting, 98% of the time, healthy and fun to engage in. But those last 2% can really do an absolute number on you.
So to all of you who actually read this far (thank you for doing so); how do you feel about your relationship with football, beyond just saying 'following Spurs is a rollercoaster'. For sure, it is, but I really invite you to dig deeper.
this was something I've been thinking about for a few years. I've broken this down into a few sections as it's obviously a nuanced and complex topic. Having reread my post before submitting, it doesn't at all cover everything I feel, but touches on some of the main points with varying scrutiny.
Me: I'm 34 years old. Dad started taking me to Spurs in 98 and we became season ticket holders in 99. I was 12. I wasn't really interested in football for a couple of seasons then got really into the tactics aged around 15. Cut to the present and I've had a home and away season ticket and have seen Spurs win, (not just play, win) in every premier league stadium bar Bumenal and Klanfield and most of the championship clubs as well as they yo yo up to the prem. I've seen us play in the best part of 100 stadiums. I'm very privileged and lucky. I still have my season ticket now. I even worked for my local Barnet football club after uni for most of a year. At one point I was working for a football club, playing football with friends and watching football as a hobby. It didn't take over my life, but it has been a big part of it at certain points.
Having said that though, I've always been a quiet fan. Frankly, I don't sing, I just about stand up (happy) when we score but without really making much sound and only really relax at the final whistle if the game is close, (otherwise I'm just relaxed anyway). I've always taken pride in the fact that my club is one of the few that hasn't run into massive debt or taken on slave/oil/mafia money and tried to win (relatively) clean. This last point is my opinion and my view and not fact which is relevant for the rest of the post.
'The fan': I've got kinda a natural interest in psychology/sociology. I'm not saying I'm well versed in it but I have often contemplated that the reason team sports between 2 sides are so popular is because they mimic tribalism and war which is perhaps ingrained in the DNA of man as part of an evolutionary survival of the fittest trait. It's the best of both worlds, nobody actually dies in the name of something sensitive such as politics, religion or even power or greed, and we still employ the same passion, animosity even and bragging rights. On the surface, cheering for your club, crying tears of joy with happiness or sadness because of results etc makes no sense and in fact could appear alarming psychologically in the eyes of a loved one who isn't interested in football. But look deeper and I feel there is a reason behind everything, namely the above points I mentioned. Spurs have been a big, big part of my life from a developmental age. The emotions I have sometimes felt can be quite powerful (the most extreme of which I will come on to), even if I don't necessarily think about Spurs for days at a time.
Where I am now: If I'm being completely honest, I have mixed and contradictory feelings about my relationship with football as a fan. I probably think about Spurs once or twice a day for a couple of minutes, I enjoy listening to the Fighting Cock and Extra Inch podcasts as and when they release and briefly checking this forum a few times a week, not daily anymore. If we have a big final coming up, rare as they are, I think about it daily for a bit longer. In the Summer, I can switch off for weeks and maybe listen to my friends talking about transfers, perhaps check SC ITK. I hold down a promising job, outside of Covid, I enjoy a Brazillian dance style with my girlfriend which I commit far more time to than any other hobby, see my friends, go on holiday etc etc. My work life balance is fairly average and I think life has really improved for me in recent years. I do have a history of mild depression and generalised anxiety disorder, but they haven't really bothered me in recent years, especially as my life has improved a lot. What I'm really saying is, I feel that I'm aware that football can be tribalist in nature and can really consume the lives of people, but that I don't get too sucked into it..... but on the other hand, I commit so much time to going to games, (away games write off a day, cost a lot. European games are a full on trip, annual leave, money etc) and allocating a sizeable amount of my personal time to it, that I feel that I'm partly sucked into it being an important part of my life purely because of how much time I spend on it. In short, football is an unimportant thing that has become very important to me, purely because of the time I spend on it being significant, with the caveat that I still think my time commitment is not unhealthy.
What inspired this post: 2 things really and they kinda link to each other. First is the champions league final, which I went to, second is the state of the club. The semi final was incredible to watch and our biggest ever game. Seeing our name as finalists felt very unspurslike and unbelievable. Crucially, I did not allow myself to believe we would win but I felt immensely happy that Levy's 'win it clean' project somehow had gotten this close to bearing fruit in the biggest way possible. The CL for me is the most important trophy fully stop; I personally do not buy into the Wenger attitude of winning your domestic league first, as if telling a child to finish their veg before they can have dessert. That's just my personal opinion. Let me break down what winning the CL would have done for me:
-I'd have witnessed project 'win clean' bear fruit against a sporting world of financial doping from seriously ill gotten means. A shining light in a weary, broken world.
-I'd have witnessed us defeat my personally most hated club, Liverpool in the biggest possible club match.
-I'd also have been proud and happy that not only did project 'win clean' bear fruit, but it was my club that did it after all the years of building.
-I've never actually seen us win a trophy in person. To win it at the Calderon near the pitch would have been amazing.
It should be recognised however, that most club fans probably feel as we do, that we've been unfortunate and been building for years etc. I'll briefly mention that the reason I loathe Liverpool is their luck over the years, which in my opinion far outshines anyone else's when weighted by whether it occurred in important matches or not which has then gone on to help them build due to their undeserved past successes, their attitude, their sense of entitlement, the immense respect they had even in the pre Klopp era, their fan ethos.
This then collapsed and I think broke the Poch. It also broke some of our players. Jose has been a refresher but in my opinion, has been yesterday's man since his second stint at Chelsea. We are now playing dirty and 'win clean' is nearly gone. Almost once every month or 2, I go back and watch BT sport videos on youtube of our second leg semi final and honestly, I almost cry every time. The pain of what I was so close to witnessing hasn't really waned (much) and that slightly concerns me. I think the fact that it was specifically against Liverpool was too much for me and I couldn't allow myself to believe it could be done with a pitiful 'good things don't happen to me or the world' selfish attitude. Evil always wins etc. The entire weekend trip was just horrible, beginning the end. I have never seen so many spurs fans cry and a lot of it is a hazy memory, even though I don't drink. I've had some fun Spurs memories of course, the league cup semi against Bumenal and random last minute goals when going to away games. But I also question whether the reason some of those feel so good is because they feel like a reprieve rather than great in their own right. If so, is that healthy? Sports is something where it's easy to keep wanting more. If you win 1 trophy, you want the rest. If you win all trophies, you want clean sheets, goals, records broken. Are we unhappy unless we retain the septuple conceded 0 and scoring a million? What next? Score a million and one? I do certainly enjoy watching great football, watching Bale in his first stint felt like money well spent, regardless of the result. Similarly for Berbatov and even Ledders and Jan. Great players can make us forget about the results business and actually make us stop and enjoy what we are seeing. I really like when that happens.
I'm not saying this post is a cry for help; but it does bother me how much something like sports can hurt me and even make me feel good on the basis of commiting so much time to it such that it becomes important on the basis of time spent alone. 'Oh what could have been'. I wonder if this is something similar to gambling problems or generally addictive personalities. I honestly right now feel a bit stuck. Jose football is, to me personally, not what I want and I want a new Poch style project with somebody fresh like Nagelsmann - wishful thinking at the moment. On a personal level though, following a football club is somewhat tiring, quite interesting, 98% of the time, healthy and fun to engage in. But those last 2% can really do an absolute number on you.
So to all of you who actually read this far (thank you for doing so); how do you feel about your relationship with football, beyond just saying 'following Spurs is a rollercoaster'. For sure, it is, but I really invite you to dig deeper.