Following Spurs (Football) & Your Mental Health

[fishhhandaricecake]

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

I hear ya mate.

Still very passionate about Spurs and want us to win and also play nice football but the last 3-4 seasons have ground me down big time like never before.

I think the pandemic + getting older + having a baby + some other personal things have all just put things in perspective, ultimately there unfortunately isn’t much I can do to effect or control how Tottenham play or the result they get therefore I just take it for what it is and if we play well and play nice football and win then I enjoy it, if predictably as of the last few years, we play boring and poorly and don’t get a good result then I just accept it and move onto something else rather than dwell on it.

Same as during matches, when I was younger I’d be getting frustrated with every tackle, every miss-placed pass or shot, every referee decision, every bit if opposition time wasting etc, them I got older and some serious life issues happened and I just suddenly just saw football and Tottenham so differently.

Now when I go to games and see mostly younger fans going apoplectic about our performance and decisions etc I just kind of feel a bit sorry for them as they’re really stressing themselves out a lot over something which on the whole they can’t really particularly control or influence.

I’ll always be a die hard Spurs fan but now whist the football we serve up is like it is I’m far more often ok to just record the game and watch it later or just catch up via MOTD whereas before I’d never have ever missed an in-person game or one live on TV.

Good luck buddy

 

[fishhhandaricecake]

Genuinely, I think you should give up football, or at the very least Spurs. If - on balance - it makes you more miserable than it does happy then ditching it would be a net improvement for your state of mind.

Or just adapt the way they perceive it so they can carry on their love and passion but not be as negatively effected by it, but drastic to just give it up.

 

[fishhhandaricecake]

Can only speak for myself but the following has worked fantastically for me. I'm 33 btw so we're not too far apart.

Avoid match thread like the plague. I may log in before KO and at HT. But it's usually the same sort of negative posters who post the same negative things before and during games. Avoiding the thread altogether helps me form my own perspective of whats happened and what's happening and i give my full attention to the game.

Same for Twitter. Avoid it during and after, for about 24 hours usually especially after a defeat. Its so vitriolic and not good for the mind.

I used to not be able to switch off for about 24 hours of sulk and frustration. Now it takes me about a half hour.

The only thing I do during games now is text my dad about things happening during the game.

*Avoid Twitter… ALWAYS*

 

[mil1lion]

Feels so weird to be so bummed out with a club 4th in the table and in the CL knockout stages

It always affects my mood when we lose, more so when losing playing poorly. What's weird is if we go on a bad run and lose back to back games it affects me less, I'm sort of numb to it a bit more. The worst is when you get your expectations up or have some level of enthusiasm that we're going to do well. Like a week ago I could start to get myself up after the Chelsea win but it's always cautious hope that we might go on a little run. A week later and it's like out of a cup and losing grip of 4th. I just have to distract myself and do something to take my mind off it as much as possible.

I'll be there Wednesday trying to be up for it but I just don't have so much energy now. I'm 39 soon though and I do feel it's partly an age thing. I don't have the same energy and enthusiasm for a lot of things now. When I go to games it's usually the older generation who are less vocal and the younger ones making a lot more noise. It's like the older generation are just sitting there thinking "just you wait, they'll let you down soon".

 

[dannyo]

There’s some really good advice in here and I often wish I had the willpower to follow it. I’m a ST holder but have listed the last 3 home games on the exchange because I’m so bored of watching us. I’m going on Wednesday but think I’m going to list the Forest game again. Genuinely, I think the only reason I keep going is the social side - the beers before and after the game, which I enjoy, and we still have a good laugh. When I stand back and look at it, there’s nothing else that you would pay decent money for on a regular basis if it either bored you to tears or frustrated the life out of you.

I think football does become an obsession and I’m better than I was at not letting it ruin my weekend quite so much, but it still pisses me off quite regularly. If Conte is still in charge when ST renewals come round, I’ll have a real decision to make because at the moment I’m throwing a good couple of grand away a year and not enjoying it.

All personal opinion, of course, but sounds increasingly like I’m not alone in how I feel. I still love watching football, just not us!

 

[mabolsa_ritchey]

I actually had a mental breakdown just before Christmas due to work, and had to reassess a lot of things in my life to get back to normal. Spurs being a big one. I’ve never lived and died on how well we are doing, however I have had to remind myself a lot recently that Spurs is something I have zero control over and is supposed to be a way to escape the day to day stuff. With that in mind I now treat match days as a chance to catch up with my mates over a few beers, rather than having the day riding on the result. It helps massively.
It’s now a part of my life that keeps me linked to family and friends on a regular basis. I do keep “thanking” the old man and my uncle for making me support this bloody club everytime I see them though ha ha.

 

[fishhhandaricecake]

There’s some really good advice in here and I often wish I had the willpower to follow it. I’m a ST holder but have listed the last 3 home games on the exchange because I’m so bored of watching us. I’m going on Wednesday but think I’m going to list the Forest game again. Genuinely, I think the only reason I keep going is the social side - the beers before and after the game, which I enjoy, and we still have a good laugh. When I stand back and look at it, there’s nothing else that you would pay decent money for on a regular basis if it either bored you to tears or frustrated the life out of you.

I think football does become an obsession and I’m better than I was at not letting it ruin my weekend quite so much, but it still pisses me off quite regularly. If Conte is still in charge when ST renewals come round, I’ll have a real decision to make because at the moment I’m throwing a good couple of grand away a year and not enjoying it.

All personal opinion, of course, but sounds increasingly like I’m not alone in how I feel. I still love watching football, just not us!

Good post mate and yea loads on here and in the grounds feeing very similar.

Many reasons for it and everyone’s life and experience of spurs and football is different, age and intensity of following makes a big difference but on the whole, football has changed as has society with instant gratification and entertainment being demanded far more often.

But also Poch took us to new levels as a club that was a near 3-4 year absolute huge high on an incredible upwards journey the like of which most of us spurs supporting fans hadn’t witnessed ever before. We then also completed on the exciting amazing new stadium, then after we sacked poch there’s been a pandemic and 3 years of mostly horrible boring football and frankly unlikeable managers hence a much more negative angry toxic feeling amongst the fans, it completely makes sense.

But as some have said really the most simple and best advice is to detach yourself a bit from Tottenham by maybe not going to as many games or not watching as many live whilst you feel like this, but also mentally trying to reframe your perspective to accept that you alone cannot influence the performance or result which takes place therefore don’t let it effect and take as much mental energy from you as it does.

I’ll adapt… if we get a manager in who is more positive and upbeat and he’s us playing football we can get excited about and we have a go at creating and attacking and winning games and sustaining more possession etc then I’ll give spurs more of my time and energy but if we carry on like we are then I’ll focus more of my energy on other things.

 

[Joe Bjorn Hotspur]

I know it isn’t as black and white as this, but wagering your happiness/mood on something you have no control over (football) isn’t wise.

In the past, a few results left me feeling a bit deflated, but that was about it.

Nowadays, football and the Premier League is little more than a soap opera, so I treat it as such.
Results will be what they will be. We might lose, and in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter. I sometimes find the meltdowns, the drama, the hyperbolic reaction, the club turmoil, the breaking news etc more entertaining and amusing than the football. But only because I’m not invested in it. I can dip in and out and give zero fucks about whatever concatenation of events may transpire.

It’s nice to see Spurs win games, and I actively want us to win, but it’s not a given, so banking on any kind of outcome to improve your mood isn’t, and can’t be, the way to go about things.

Exactly this, it’s a soap opera and we are not the only ones that’s for sure: the majority of teams are unsuccessful. At times it feels like why Spurs, never a dull moment etc, opportunities missed. To make things worse it’s been like continuously losing on the old gameshow Bullseye: look at what you could’ve won.

I think there’s a sense (on a whole) of a collective resignation after another false dawn. We’ve had so many and I can just sense when things start to unfold so I just opt for time out. It’s more difficult these days with social media and podcasters ongoing narrative that the world is caving in. At some stage you have to start accepting things and just laugh.

 

[Joe Bjorn Hotspur]

I actually had a mental breakdown just before Christmas due to work, and had to reassess a lot of things in my life to get back to normal. Spurs being a big one. I’ve never lived and died on how well we are doing, however I have had to remind myself a lot recently that Spurs is something I have zero control over and is supposed to be a way to escape the day to day stuff. With that in mind I now treat match days as a chance to catch up with my mates over a few beers, rather than having the day riding on the result. It helps massively.
It’s now a part of my life that keeps me linked to family and friends on a regular basis. I do keep “thanking” the old man and my uncle for making me support this bloody club everytime I see them though ha ha.

Hope you are recovering well. This is the main thing, the real life social aspect to it all. I enjoy this side of things on match day whether at the old Lane or new and it’s a massive plus if we win and even better if the style of football on show is attractive. I see it as a Spurs family and social media can to a certain extent provide this but for me I only post things on here and say things in person at the ground to the group I sit with or drink with at the ground. One day things will turn around but the most important thing is take things in your stride and if necessary take a break.

 

[Joe Bjorn Hotspur]

Or just adapt the way they perceive it so they can carry on their love and passion but not be as negatively effected by it, but drastic to just give it up.

Great advice here, take a pause for thought and rationally reassess where you see the club. Never give up entirely, taking breaks is crucial and accepting where we are at. Continue your passion but have other things in life to put it all into perspective.

For me I can never let it go, when the old lane was demolished for the new ground I cried as most of my memories were there good and bad, the smell of the freshly cut grass, the European nights and old Park Lane & Shelf Side. Making friends, going with my dad.

My love for our club will go with me to the grave, at times (a lot) it can get all too much with the endless nearly moments but I am sure we will see success in the future, cherish those positive moments you had at the ground and / or watched on the box and always remember that we do have a decent fan base and we will hopefully go on another journey that will see us play no fear football with a collective identity in the stands.

 

[riggi]

If it wasn’t for the social aspect, I wouldn’t go anywhere near as much as I do. In fact, I’d probably give up my season ticket. Just so many aspects of it I don’t like anymore.

Im pretty apathetic to the results. Nowhere near as invested as I once was.

 

[fishhhandaricecake]

If it wasn’t for the social aspect, I wouldn’t go anywhere near as much as I do. In fact, I’d probably give up my season ticket. Just so many aspects of it I don’t like anymore.

Im pretty apathetic to the results. Nowhere near as invested as I once was.

Same mate. I sat there 2-0 up against Chelsea the other weekend and just barely enjoyed it, very weird feeling supporting our club now, I think the energy and enthusiasm could come back with a new manager who is more positive and upbeat and likeable and plays football that doesn’t bore the pants off us but let’s see.

 

[FrankSpencer]

It feels strange to say, but the introduction of VAR killed off any remaining excitement I had watching our games (that’s when we produce exciting moments which is patchy under this management).

I was outside playing Football with my son yesterday, stopped for a quick drink, saw we’d lost 1-0, finished my drink and was over it by the time my lad slammed his next shot past me.

Not a chance this club ruins my weekends anymore.

 

[fishhhandaricecake]

It feels strange to say, but the introduction of VAR killed off any remaining excitement I had watching our games (that’s when we produce exciting moments which is patchy under this management).

I was outside playing Football with my son yesterday, stopped for a quick drink, saw we’d lost 1-0, finished my drink and was over it by the time my lad slammed his next shot past me.

Not a chance this club ruins my weekends anymore.

Really VAR had that big an impact on your enjoyment of football?

For me it can be frustrating at times for sure not being able to celebrate a goal but the fact it more often than not intervenes to correct what would’ve been an illegal offside goal is a good thing imo.

What’s killed the enjoyment for me the last 3 years has been us appointing 3 negative, defensive, dour, cold and frankly relatively unlikeable managers along with not having a clear plan on the pitch with regards to our squad management so we’ve both served up shit boring football but also have no vision or project so basically nothing to get excited about whilst our main rivals are looking like they might win the league.

Added to that Newcastle now have new owners and football generally imo has become too tactical, every team is drilled within an inch of their life and at times it just creates quite dull chess matches.

I still love football and the PL and Tottenham but my enjoyment of Tottenham certainly has a knock on effect as to my overall enjoyment of football and the PL.

Bring in a new exciting project manager and build a positive feeling and momentum in the crowd again and it’ll be a completely different story. Surely Levy can’t hire a 4th defensive like watching paint dry manager in a row after Conte can he?!

 

[chas vs dave]

Look, I get annoyed with spurs.

However, don't let it drag down your life.

You can only focus on what you can control. Spurs is out of your sphere of influence, so don't let it dictate your life.

Speaking from experience, it used to make or break my very week. Now I just learn to move on.

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

Not to be condescending or anything like that so apologies in advance but as you get older, you start to see it for what it is. A game. There are many MANY things in life that are more important. Some of you scallywags are so hung up on not being on the end of 'banter' on Twitter or whatnot as well. The honest answer to that is if you can't take it, don't dish it out. Leave those social media things immediately. In fact that should probably be anyone and everyone's first step. It's a fucking toilet.

Sometimes we'll win, sometimes we'll lose. Sometimes we'll play well, other not so much, as you get older you realise this and start to accept it more and you'll understand that as shit as it's been for the past few years, it'll turn around and we'll be better again as the cycle goes around.

Everything has it's place in life, it's OK to be passionate about Spurs and we can all get worked up from time to time but honestly, if it's getting so it effects you really badly then you need to urgently and somehow find a way of learning to let it go that works for you.

In the past i've lost some fucking good jobs to Spurs, treated people badly because I got stroppy when we lost and generally acted the ****. I even sent Mrs A&C out on the game to earn money for a trip to Munich. She earned enough to get me to Stamford Hill You just can't carry on like that.

Remember! I got 99 problems and the Spurs ain't one of 'em

 

[FrankSpencer]

Really VAR had that big an impact on your enjoyment of football?

For me it can be frustrating at times for sure not being able to celebrate a goal but the fact it more often than not intervenes to correct what would’ve been an illegal offside goal is a good thing imo.

What’s killed the enjoyment for me the last 3 years has been us appointing 3 negative, defensive, dour, cold and frankly relatively unlikeable managers along with not having a clear plan on the pitch with regards to our squad management so we’ve both served up shit boring football but also have no vision or project so basically nothing to get excited about whilst our main rivals are looking like they might win the league.

Added to that Newcastle now have new owners and football generally imo has become too tactical, every team is drilled within an inch of their life and at times it just creates quite dull chess matches.

I still love football and the PL and Tottenham but my enjoyment of Tottenham certainly has a knock on effect as to my overall enjoyment of football and the PL.

Bring in a new exciting project manager and build a positive feeling and momentum in the crowd again and it’ll be a completely different story. Surely Levy can’t hire a 4th defensive like watching paint dry manager in a row after Conte can he?!

It really has, I’m amazed how much VAR has ruined the fluidity of the occasion and as a result my excitement has diminished. It’s a shame, but that’s just how I feel.

 

[spurs mental]

Really VAR had that big an impact on your enjoyment of football?

For me it can be frustrating at times for sure not being able to celebrate a goal but the fact it more often than not intervenes to correct what would’ve been an illegal offside goal is a good thing imo.

What’s killed the enjoyment for me the last 3 years has been us appointing 3 negative, defensive, dour, cold and frankly relatively unlikeable managers along with not having a clear plan on the pitch with regards to our squad management so we’ve both served up shit boring football but also have no vision or project so basically nothing to get excited about whilst our main rivals are looking like they might win the league.

Added to that Newcastle now have new owners and football generally imo has become too tactical, every team is drilled within an inch of their life and at times it just creates quite dull chess matches.

I still love football and the PL and Tottenham but my enjoyment of Tottenham certainly has a knock on effect as to my overall enjoyment of football and the PL.

Bring in a new exciting project manager and build a positive feeling and momentum in the crowd again and it’ll be a completely different story. Surely Levy can’t hire a 4th defensive like watching paint dry manager in a row after Conte can he?!

This is not the thread to be discussing the style of play you do or don't like.

 

[allatsea]

I realised losses/poor performances were upsetting me far too much and affecting things at home so I decided to tone down my support and interest in all things Spurs. And it is working. Still love of course us winning but just ignore the losses and definitely don't come into and post in this forum. SC is so negative these days it cannot be good for anyones health.

 

[degoose]

I actually had a mental breakdown just before Christmas due to work, and had to reassess a lot of things in my life to get back to normal. Spurs being a big one. I’ve never lived and died on how well we are doing, however I have had to remind myself a lot recently that Spurs is something I have zero control over and is supposed to be a way to escape the day to day stuff. With that in mind I now treat match days as a chance to catch up with my mates over a few beers, rather than having the day riding on the result. It helps massively.
It’s now a part of my life that keeps me linked to family and friends on a regular basis. I do keep “thanking” the old man and my uncle for making me support this bloody club everytime I see them though ha ha.

very good to hear about your thoughts on this and your change in attitude.

I've also had some ups and downs over the years and especially becoming a dad 6 years ago which can be stressful as it is such a change to how you live, i had to just stop giving so much of a damn about the results. I obviously still want us to win but i try not to let it impact my mood and i generally try and find positives even if we lose. One of my mates though gets so angry and down and i'm glad i don't. The other big thing is don't be on twitter, it is just a complete waste of time with people attention seeking and trying to be the loudest. It's just a void that people can yell into and really those people need to examine their heads a little.

I'm heading to the AC Milan game on tuesday and can't wait as i get to meet up with my mates and have some beers, i hope we win but if we lose it is not the end of the world.