Self-deprecation thread or if we don't laugh we'll cry.

[Dougal]

hmmm...sure i've seen this somewhere before? :shrug:

You did, as I pointed out in the other thread :razz:

If this is true (and I hope it is) it has cheered me up that the joke's on the Gooners on this occasion. :grin:

According to a phone in on Talk Sport radio this morning (16th Sept, 11.15am) a small shrine is hidden somewhere in the Emirates Stadium that is dedicated to Tottenham Hotspur!

It was apparently placed there by a relative of the caller and his mates who are Spurs supporting steel workers who worked on the new Arsenal library!

The caller said the shrine includes a shirt, scarf and other Spurs related goods.

It was bricked up when completed and photographic evidence exists to prove it!

Yep, I heard that too, might just be a myth and it hasn't really helped us much :-(

 

[Chris12345]

Yeah, it's an urban myth, its been a good few years since the Emirates was built, and still no sign of any photographs...

 

[Hullspur]

Tottingham Pie ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How the Carling Cup win made them smile.
And they knew this could be their chance
To finally make that big advance
And, maybe, break the top 4 for a while.
But transfer windows made them shiver
As Robbie Keane went off to Liver
Pool, and Berbs to Man U;
You canít believe it, can you?
Tears of laughter we all cried
As on Bent they have to rely,
And Frasier Campbell really tried
The day that Tottenham died.
So my my kiss UEFA goodbye
When Comoli sold the goalie
Well it made Levy cry
When you play at Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye
Soon your gonna be a Magpie
I bet you wish you were a Magpie
Did your players eat the poisoned food
To let Arsenal in and spoil your mood
If the fansite tells you so
Do you believe in Chas n' Dave
Can their music save you from an early grave
And can Dawson teach me how to run real slow
Well, I knew you were set for a letdown
When the Spaniard signed the Blackburn clown
You sacked poor Martin Jol
and now everyone is lol
I have long been laughing at your lack of luck
Your delusion means I couldn't give a fuck
That to the table bottom you are stuck
The day the Tottenham died
I started singin'
So my my kiss UEFA goodbye
When Comoli sold the goalie
Well it made Levy cry
When you play at Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye
Soon your gonna be a Magpie
I bet you wish you were a Magpie

 

[Dougal]

:clap:

 

[WhiteStripe]

Tottingham Pie ...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How the Carling Cup win made them smile.
And they knew this could be their chance
To finally make that big advance
And, maybe, break the top 4 for a while.
But transfer windows made them shiver
As Robbie Keane went off to Liver
Pool, and Berbs to Man U;
You canít believe it, can you?
Tears of laughter we all cried
As on Bent they have to rely,
And Frasier Campbell really tried
The day that Tottenham died.
So my my kiss UEFA goodbye
When Comoli sold the goalie
Well it made Levy cry
When you play at Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye
Soon your gonna be a Magpie
I bet you wish you were a Magpie
Did your players eat the poisoned food
To let Arsenal in and spoil your mood
If the fansite tells you so
Do you believe in Chas n' Dave
Can their music save you from an early grave
And can Dawson teach me how to run real slow
Well, I knew you were set for a letdown
When the Spaniard signed the Blackburn clown
You sacked poor Martin Jol
and now everyone is lol
I have long been laughing at your lack of luck
Your delusion means I couldn't give a fuck
That to the table bottom you are stuck
The day the Tottenham died
I started singin'
So my my kiss UEFA goodbye
When Comoli sold the goalie
Well it made Levy cry
When you play at Spurs you kiss Capello goodbye
Soon your gonna be a Magpie
I bet you wish you were a Magpie

Absolutely brilliant....just sent to my dad, who loves the original, and loves Tottenham...winner...:clap:

 

[minicab_adi]

Park Lane to trial new banner at next home game.

 

[Dougal]

:lol: They better take it down when we switch ends!

 

[norflondon]

If this is true (and I hope it is) it has cheered me up that the joke's on the Gooners on this occasion. :grin:

According to a phone in on Talk Sport radio this morning (16th Sept, 11.15am) a small shrine is hidden somewhere in the Emirates Stadium that is dedicated to Tottenham Hotspur!

It was apparently placed there by a relative of the caller and his mates who are Spurs supporting steel workers who worked on the new Arsenal library!

The caller said the shrine includes a shirt, scarf and other Spurs related goods.

It was bricked up when completed and photographic evidence exists to prove it!

I know it's a bit like my nan's neighbours dog's brother but ......

I live in Highbury (I know ...) and had a new bathroom fitted a couple of years ago, shortly after Emirates was built. The plasterer was an older fella, die-hard Spurs, whose son was a brickie. He told me that tale at the time and, given the number of labourers needed on the project and how close it is to Tottenham, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if this is true.

The same will happen at Stanley Park for the Scousers too.

Quality :grin:

 

[ikky]

A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon. "Well," replies the man, "If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue. You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.

 

[Zuben]

I appreciate the sentiment ikky but that was truly awful.

 

[rooster1]

Some great jokes btw. OK off the top of my head.

A recent sex survey was carried out recently amongst premiership football
supporters regarding what features in a women was most the desirable.
Most supporters were optional and tests carried out worked out one feature that only one club were different from the others. That team
we can announce now after conclusive tests are Tottenham Hotspur.
We found that this club after rigourous tests were fixated with the
BOTTOM.

 

[englandsno1]

The spurs groundsman has been awarded the groundsman of the month award, when he went to collect his prize he said his secret for keeping the pitch in such good condition was every other weekend Ramos keeps putting 60 million pounds worth of shite on the pitch...

 

[TK007b]

A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy a new football.
The shopkeeper says: "Sorry son this ball is £20,you only have £10."
The boy says:"If you blindfold me and I guess the name of the club on any ball will you give it to me for a tenner."
He gives the boy an Arsenal ball.
"I can hear cannons blasting - it's an Arsenal ball," he replies.
Next a Millwall ball."I hear lions roaring,it's Millwall."
The shopkeeper says:"Get this and you can have it for nothing."
The boy listens and says:"Spurs."
The man says:"You heard a cockerel."
The boy says: "No - it's going down."

 

[domw001]

Richard Branson has been asked to be Spurs new sponsor.

Unfortunately he has refused.

He stated "There's no way I can put Virgin on the shirts of a team who get fucked evey week"

 

[Dougal]

Posh and Becks have lodged a bid to buy Spurs. Apparently Brooklyn requested a cowboy outfit for Christmas.

 

[CosmicHotspur]

Why do Spurs supporters always carry lighters?













Because they lose all their matches.

 

[HuggyBear]

Tottenham Hotspur have appointed Madonna as their new manager. They made their move after reading that she had kept clean sheets for the past 18 months.

 

[Chris12345]

Austrian Police have today released the diary of Joseph Fritzel's daughter, it reads;

Monday- Stayed chained in the basement all day, being raped by my dad.
Tuesday- Stayed chained in the basement all day being raped by my dad.
Wednesday- Stayed chained in the basement all day being raped by my dad.
Thursday- Stayed chained in the basement all day being raped by my dad.
Friday- Stayed chained in the basement all day being raped by my dad.
Saturday- Stayed chained in the basement all day being raped by my dad.
Sunday- Went to watch Spurs. Wish I'd stayed at home...


(with thanks to someone else on here who posted it in another thread a couple of days ago, but I couldn't find it... think it might've been Davey-O)

 

[Dougal]

Not really a joke but...

As I was coming through security at Knock Airport (West of Ireland) yesterday one of the guards stopped me to commiserate about the Stoke result. I was wearing my home top and he was a Yid. After exchanging a few words about our beloved Spurs I turned to go through the detector only to have another guard stop me, asking me to remove the top before coming through :-( The Yid guard told the other one to stop taking the piss as their boss was also a Yid. Good to see so many about! And also a bonus as I had distracted them and my girlfriend managed to smuggle a bottle of water through

 

[Leachie]

Was sent a good one today:

This morning, a female Spurs fan approached Juande Ramos, and asked if he would autograph her genitals.

"You can piss off," he replied. "I've signed enough ***** already this season!"

:grin:
Eek