- Feb 1, 2005
- 55,659
- 205,658
- Admin
- #1
Morning tards.
One can imagine Daniel Levy, or at the very least his chief internet minion, sitting in his office laughing his cock off after the outbreak of Bi Polarity that broke out on SC recently. We went from news of Benteke signing a new deal provoking much angst and wrist wringing to the signing of Chadli being greeted by the sound of golden trumpets and much whoopin' and a hollerin'. Yee-fucking-haaa.
I was in the pub with my girlfriend the other night when, all of a sudden, I got down on one knee.'Oh A&C', she sobbed. 'Is this really happening?'
'Shut the fuck up', I said, peering over the table. 'My wife's just walked in'.
I'm sorry. I can't resist it. Today i'm just going to have to fan the flames of rumours that A&C is a rabid anti Levyite and risk upsetting the BSoDL again. I know, I know...........But don't judge me, bear with me.............
By one of them there strange quirks of fate, A&C shares a birthday with he who must not be criticised. Which reminds me. I was on the phone to my bank the other day and had to answer some questions to pass their so called security checks.......'Date of Birth?' asked the bint at the UK based call centre (Fuck you i'm not telling you which bank, you'll all join up and ruin it), '8th of February' I says. 'Which year?' she asks. 'Every year' I told her. She was not amused. Twat. Right, where was I? Oh yes.......So I share a birthday with Monsieur Levy (He likes to be called that because he fancies himself as that suave guy from the Cidre ads. More like Toulouse-Lautrec but anyway)......
Sharing a birthday obviously makes us both Aquarius. So I thought it would be fun to run a few Aquarius traits through the grinder so as to get an insight into the dark world of ODL from a position of experience. So here we go.
My best friend, Google, tells me that Aquarians are:
Friendly & Humanitarian
A&C: Is indeed friendly. Not so many on SC. And Human.
Levy: Has lots of friends. Especially on SC. Is also Human.
We'll call that one a draw
Honest & Loyal
A&C: Lies like a cheap Chinese watch. But i'm very loyal. Ask Mrs A&C. And her sister. And your mums.
Levy: Tells it like it is. When he tells it that is. Ask Modric. Has also stood up to his responibilities with the BSoDL
Shaded by Levy
Original & Inventive
A&C: Fucking hell do I have to? I write this drivel don't I? How inventive do you want?
Levy: Invented Levytime, Levyball and several assorted excuses to beat the transfer deadline.
Close call, Levy by a gnat's cock
Independent & Intellectual
A&C: Sadly, I deviate here as i'm as thick as pigshit, dumber than snot and a bit slow witted.
Levy: Sharp, clever and astute. A top top businessman.
Again, Levy wins. Easily
Perverse & Unpredictable
A&C: Me a pervert? Say it isn't so.........OK OK, I know.........
Levy: We all know exactly what we're getting. Deadline Day etc etc
A&C by a several country miles
Interactable & Contrary
A&C: Contrary? Fuck you.
Levy: Well known for being 'difficult' or 'different'
Levy wins by a short head
Unemotional & Detached
A&C: *Boots Mrs A&C in the minge whilst humming snatches of Ride of the Valkyries
Levy: Cold. Snake eyed. Calculating.
Another draw
After adding up the points, Levy scored 80/100 to A&C's 78/100
Q: So what can we conclude from this fucking pointless exercise?
A: That Levy is a better at being Aquarius than me
So, anti-Levyites, please take that into account the next time you decide to blame him for whatever it is that's given you the itch. Daniel Levy is a damned fine Aquarian. And you, the BSoDL, you should take pride from that.
Here's one from the archives for you.........I was at a party the other night and I was totally pissed. I walked up to this beautiful blonde and said, "Duck my sick!"
She said, 'You're drunk - don't you mean suck my dick?'
I yakked up all over her and said... 'No!'