The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - The you weren't execting a new thread today Edition 14th July 2013

[Archibald&Crooks]

​

Good morning mingesnippers​

Today you get a brand new shiny thread. Seasoned thread watchers will know that there's been a bit of a purge on spamminess lately. Please take note.​

Here's something I may or may not have imagined up for you..........​

Dateline: Sunday the 14th July.

The scene: Levy Towers. Daniel Levy is having a power breakfast with Tim Sherwood. Also present is the club's offical SC lurker. We don't know his username, but yoo-hoo! (A&C waves in his direction) we know he exists.

The Club SC Lurker: So, over on Spurs Community......

Daniel Levy splutters and chokes on his freshly ground Brazilian coffee

Daniel Levy: Them ****s! I fucking hate them!

The Club SC Lurker: As I was saying, over on Spurs Community, it seems your bastard sons have been unmasked.

Daniel Levy: Bastards!

The Club SC Lurker: Well yes.

Daniel Levy: No I meant bastards! Them bastards on SC. I'll have them one day. I've had them up to here. (Levy holds his hand up to the top of his head, approx 3ft 11 off the ground)

Levy leans forward in his high chair and hisses, 'plans are afoot to fuck them right off'.

The Club SC Lurker: Nice one, we owe them. I got a 24hr ban for saying **** on there last week.

Daniel Levy: Bastards!

The Club SC Lurker: Yeah, I was defending you at the time. I've kept a lower profile since though, can't be too obvious.

Daniel Levy: No I meant Bastards! Didn't my sons start an outraged thread?

The Club SC Lurker: No. Bastards!

Daniel Levy: Quite.............Right, our plans for Timmy. Let me run through it again. Timmy resigns, goes to manage Swindon and when AVB finally gets pissed off and leaves, we bring him back to run the first team.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood jumps up and down, grinning, clapping and excited.

Daniel Levy: How will that go down on SC?

The Club SC Lurker: Well, there are one or two who we have successfully fooled but overall, it won't go down very well. I'll be honest, if you do this and it goes tits up, it could mean the end of you as chairman.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood: Nothing will mean the end of him as Spurs chairman.

Daniel Levy: Too right it won't. I can do what I like.

All three stand to attention and sing the official Levy anthem

He does what he wants
He does what he waaaaants
He's Daniel Levy,
He does what he wants

They sit back down

Daniel Levy: The hypnotised masses will lump it and even find good reasons for me to do it.

The Club SC Lurker: Well, I have to report that although that would have been right in the past, there's a slowly growing movement of dissent against you.

Daniel Levy: Bastards!

The Club SC Lurker: Well yes.......

Daniel Levy: No I meant Bastards! Call in the Bastards!

The Club SC Lurker: I'm not sure even they will be able to save you.

Daniel Levy: So what do I do?

The Club SC Lurker: You can't afford to go through with it. Sherwood must never become Spurs manager.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood: awwwwww

Daniel Levy: I'll do what the fuck I want


All three stand to attention and sing the official Levy anthem

He does what he wants
He does what he waaaaants
He's Daniel Levy,
He does what he wants

They sit back down


The Club SC Lurker: Don't say I didn't warn you.

Levy dismisses the SC Lurker's commets with a wave of his hand.

Daniel Levy: Onto other business....... Timmy, it is a source of constant irritation to me that we cannot identify and then sign players who are potentially world class, before they start to realise that potential.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood: Eh?

Daniel Levy: Oh FFS! Let me put it this way. Why are we being asked for £25 to sign Benteke when we could have got him for £5m a year or two ago?

The Club SC Lurker: Probably because you wouldn't have coughed up £5m a year or two ago, you'd have tried lowballing, irritated the fuck out of the selling club, dragged it out for three years and not got him anyway.

Daniel Levy: You're spending too much time on that fucking site. Shut the fuck up.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood: Well, he's got a point..........

Daniel Levy: I'm surrounded by ****s

The Club SC Lurker: That's a 24hr ban

Daniel Levy: Get out.

At this point Levy climbs the ladder down from his high chair, walks up to Timmy Sherwood and start furiously jabbing a finger into he knees.

Daniel Levy: We need to start signing these players before they make a name for themselves. What is it exactly you do again? It reflects badly on me. ME! You floppy haired prick.

Tim 'Timmy' Sherwood: So shall I go to Swindon?

Daniel Levy: I dunno any more. I'll think about it.

The Club SC Lurker: So what have we actually decided this morning?

All three men look at eachother and shrug.

THE END

Now then SC. What you have to ask yourselves is this.

Is the above ITK or the product of my eating too much cheese yesterday? Or a bit of both?

Cue dramatic music.

Today's word of the day is: Erect

 

[bomberH]

You're creating a morning thread and the word of the day is erect?

 

[Breezer]

So DL had an erection and poked sherwoods knees while you sat there and ate cheese! Nice!

 

[hugrr]

Erect is the word of the day? Why not stiffy??

 

[Bill_Oddie]

That blasted Levy! 'e wrecked our chances of Champions League football.

 

[Angel Eyes]

Well I for one believe every bloody word of it !
even though it sounded a bit cheesy towards the end.

 

[Wick3d]

Who knew Levy was soooooooo short.

 

[Harry_Snatch]

Fly on the wall account! A real insight into life on the Spurs transfer committee !

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

You're creating a morning thread and the word of the day is erect?

No, it's a daily thread. Created in the morning. Subtle difference I know. Which also explains your 20 years in the force without making detective

Tomorrow's word of the day will be in your honour

Fly on the wall account! A real insight into life on the Spurs transfer committee !

I can guarantee you that there's bit of genuine info in there

Who knew Levy was soooooooo short.

I've been telling you all for years

And all I get is accusations of being a dwarfist.

 

[Bill_Oddie]

No, it's a daily thread. Created in the morning. Suttle difference I know. Which also explains your 20 years in the force without making detective

Tomorrow's word of the day will be in your honour

But you've already done "backscuttling".

In every sense.

 

[bomberH]

No, it's a daily thread. Created in the morning. Suttle difference I know. Which also explains your 20 years in the force without making detective

Tomorrow's word of the day will be in your honour

I may not know the difference between a morning and daily thread but I know a subtle spelling mistake when I see one. DCI here i come..... ;-)

Are you lifting the censor ban for tomorrow's word of the day then?

 

[gazzeh]

No, it's a daily thread. Created in the morning. Suttle difference I know. Which also explains your 20 years in the force without making detective

Tomorrow's word of the day will be in your honour


I can guarantee you that there's bit of genuine info in there



I've been telling you all for years

And all I get is accusations of being a dwarfist.

Brazilian coffee? Where's that straw

 

[Gilzeanking]

I can guarantee you that there's bit of genuine info in there


.

Sherwood as manager ... NOOOoooooooo

 

[Vwbottom]

Peeps been on the old Monkey Dust again? It's like a coffee shop in Camden Town at 5am in here......Or perhaps it's just the heat. I think we all need a big bit of juicy ITK to nosh on.

 

[Harry_Snatch]

Peeps been on the old Monkey Dust again? It's like a coffee shop in Camden Town at 5am in here......Or perhaps it's just the heat. I think we all need a big bit of juicy ITK to nosh on.

That's the problem with this thread. The ITKS get noshed on way too much. The moment you even very dare yourself to question them you get slapped in the face with A&C's 9inch ban stick.

 

[JJetset]

No, it's a daily thread. Created in the morning. Subtle difference I know. Which also explains your 20 years in the force without making detective

Tomorrow's word of the day will be in your honour


I can guarantee you that there's bit of genuine info in there



I've been telling you all for years

And all I get is accusations of being a dwarfist.

A lot of genuine info in there!!!

 

[Oshi]

​

Daniel Levy: Too right it won't. I can do what I like.

All three stand to attention and sing the official Levy anthem

He does what he wants
He does what he waaaaants
He's Daniel Levy,
He does what he wants

They sit back down

Daniel Levy: I'll do what the fuck I want


All three stand to attention and sing the official Levy anthem

He does what he wants
He does what he waaaaants
He's Daniel Levy,
He does what he wants

They sit back down

Love it

 

[Vwbottom]

That's the problem with this thread. The ITKS get noshed on way too much. The moment you even very dare yourself to question them you get slapped in the face with A&C's 9inch ban stick.

Some people clearly like the ban stick... What's that saying

"Spare the strap on and Spoil the member"

It's like a reward now. Sick bastards.

 

[taidgh]

That's the problem with this thread. The ITKS get noshed on way too much. The moment you even very dare yourself to question them you get slapped in the face with A&C's 9inch ban stick.

play the ball, not the man. simples. i don't think anyone has ever said you can't question the info, just not slate the person who provides it..

 

[JerryGarcia]

That's the problem with this thread. The ITKS get noshed on way too much. The moment you even very dare yourself to question them you get slapped in the face with A&C's 9inch ban stick.

Look at is as free entertainment, nobody would complain if they were watching a free puppet show (as a weird example) and they thought it was rubbish, they'd just walk off and do something else.