Tired of seeing Tottenham linked with a new player every hour ? Brassed of with Benitez ? Wonder where those ace hacks on the red-tops get their scoops ? Here's the inside story...
Red Top Hack: Hello Emil Danchev. Just checking, what's Berba's favourite food ?
Danchev: Spaghetti
Next Day's Headlne: "Berbs: I Want Move To Italy"
Hack: Hi Keano. Tell me...which team did you support as a kid ?
Keano: Shamrock Rvrs
Hack: Hmm. Anyone else ?
Keano: Cork City
Hack: OK...what about British sides ?
Keano: Celtic
Hack: (Thinks: Fuck). English sides then ?
Keano: Dagenham & Redbridge
Hack: (Thinks: Jesus...) What about Liverpool ?
Keano: They're OK I s'pose.
Next Day's Headline: "Keane: I"ve Always Loved Liverpool"
Hack: Hello famous foreign player. How would you fancy a move to Tottenham ?
FFP: Don't think so. I'm on 8 mil a week; I'm porking the chairman's daughter; I've got a Lambo, two Hummers and a Lambretta; six penthouse appartments; and we're in the Champs Lge next season.
Next Day's Headline: "Star to Spurs: Come and Get Me"
Rafa Benitez: Hello Daniel. Can we do a deal for Robbie Keane for a gallon of paint, a packet of wine gums and a Beatles compilation CD ?
Daniel Levy: Throw in Gerrard plus £20 mil and I might just possibly think about it. Now fuck off
Rafa: Hello ? Is that the Star/Sun/Mirror ? Rafa here. Spurs have said they're seriously considering our bid for Robbie Keane
Hack: Hello Juande. Is it true you're bidding for Luis Garcia ?
Juande: No
Hack: Suppose all your strikers and midfielders died tomorrow - how about Garcia then ?
Juande: I s'pose we'd have to consider him then
Next Day's Headline: "Garcia Tops Spurs Hit List"
Hack 1: OK lads. It's quiet day. You know the drill. You - pick a name out of this hat.
Hack 2: Aaron Lennon
Hack 1: And you...a name from this hat
Hack 3: East Fife
Hack 1: Hmm...isn;t quite what I hoped. But what th'hell...
Next Day's Headline: "East Fife in Lennon Link Sensation"
Now you know the insider tricks of the trade.
Red Top Hack: Hello Emil Danchev. Just checking, what's Berba's favourite food ?
Danchev: Spaghetti
Next Day's Headlne: "Berbs: I Want Move To Italy"
Hack: Hi Keano. Tell me...which team did you support as a kid ?
Keano: Shamrock Rvrs
Hack: Hmm. Anyone else ?
Keano: Cork City
Hack: OK...what about British sides ?
Keano: Celtic
Hack: (Thinks: Fuck). English sides then ?
Keano: Dagenham & Redbridge
Hack: (Thinks: Jesus...) What about Liverpool ?
Keano: They're OK I s'pose.
Next Day's Headline: "Keane: I"ve Always Loved Liverpool"
Hack: Hello famous foreign player. How would you fancy a move to Tottenham ?
FFP: Don't think so. I'm on 8 mil a week; I'm porking the chairman's daughter; I've got a Lambo, two Hummers and a Lambretta; six penthouse appartments; and we're in the Champs Lge next season.
Next Day's Headline: "Star to Spurs: Come and Get Me"
Rafa Benitez: Hello Daniel. Can we do a deal for Robbie Keane for a gallon of paint, a packet of wine gums and a Beatles compilation CD ?
Daniel Levy: Throw in Gerrard plus £20 mil and I might just possibly think about it. Now fuck off
Rafa: Hello ? Is that the Star/Sun/Mirror ? Rafa here. Spurs have said they're seriously considering our bid for Robbie Keane
Hack: Hello Juande. Is it true you're bidding for Luis Garcia ?
Juande: No
Hack: Suppose all your strikers and midfielders died tomorrow - how about Garcia then ?
Juande: I s'pose we'd have to consider him then
Next Day's Headline: "Garcia Tops Spurs Hit List"
Hack 1: OK lads. It's quiet day. You know the drill. You - pick a name out of this hat.
Hack 2: Aaron Lennon
Hack 1: And you...a name from this hat
Hack 3: East Fife
Hack 1: Hmm...isn;t quite what I hoped. But what th'hell...
Next Day's Headline: "East Fife in Lennon Link Sensation"
Now you know the insider tricks of the trade.