Transfers: How They REALLY Happen

[flatback4]

Tired of seeing Tottenham linked with a new player every hour ? Brassed of with Benitez ? Wonder where those ace hacks on the red-tops get their scoops ? Here's the inside story...

Red Top Hack: Hello Emil Danchev. Just checking, what's Berba's favourite food ?
Danchev: Spaghetti
Next Day's Headlne: "Berbs: I Want Move To Italy"

Hack: Hi Keano. Tell me...which team did you support as a kid ?
Keano: Shamrock Rvrs
Hack: Hmm. Anyone else ?
Keano: Cork City
Hack: OK...what about British sides ?
Keano: Celtic
Hack: (Thinks: Fuck). English sides then ?
Keano: Dagenham & Redbridge
Hack: (Thinks: Jesus...) What about Liverpool ?
Keano: They're OK I s'pose.
Next Day's Headline: "Keane: I"ve Always Loved Liverpool"

Hack: Hello famous foreign player. How would you fancy a move to Tottenham ?
FFP: Don't think so. I'm on 8 mil a week; I'm porking the chairman's daughter; I've got a Lambo, two Hummers and a Lambretta; six penthouse appartments; and we're in the Champs Lge next season.
Next Day's Headline: "Star to Spurs: Come and Get Me"

Rafa Benitez: Hello Daniel. Can we do a deal for Robbie Keane for a gallon of paint, a packet of wine gums and a Beatles compilation CD ?
Daniel Levy: Throw in Gerrard plus £20 mil and I might just possibly think about it. Now fuck off
Rafa: Hello ? Is that the Star/Sun/Mirror ? Rafa here. Spurs have said they're seriously considering our bid for Robbie Keane

Hack: Hello Juande. Is it true you're bidding for Luis Garcia ?
Juande: No
Hack: Suppose all your strikers and midfielders died tomorrow - how about Garcia then ?
Juande: I s'pose we'd have to consider him then
Next Day's Headline: "Garcia Tops Spurs Hit List"

Hack 1: OK lads. It's quiet day. You know the drill. You - pick a name out of this hat.
Hack 2: Aaron Lennon
Hack 1: And you...a name from this hat
Hack 3: East Fife
Hack 1: Hmm...isn;t quite what I hoped. But what th'hell...
Next Day's Headline: "East Fife in Lennon Link Sensation"

Now you know the insider tricks of the trade.

 

[sloth]

:clap:

 

[Kyras]

:lol: always wondered how they came up with their rumours, now I know :up:

 

[kishman]

haha, that's brilliant

 

[defoe18]

We're onto you "sun" workers...

 

[camaj]

Great stuff, that's pretty much what I think happens. Did you write it Flatback4?

 

[nldnboi]

:clap: that deserves some rep.

 

[hughy]

Good laugh, thanks! :up:

 

[Bulletspur]

Nice one! Dare anyone to disprove it!! :hump:

 

[Tickers]

Hack: Hello famous foreign player. How would you fancy a move to Tottenham ?
FFP: Don't think so. I'm on 8 mil a week; I'm porking the chairman's daughter; I've got a Lambo, two Hummers and a Lambretta; six penthouse appartments; and we're in the Champs Lge next season.
Next Day's Headline: "Star to Spurs: Come and Get Me"

Top work FB4, but you missed the follow-up to the above, which runs thus:

Another hack: Hello famous foreign player. How would you fancy a move to Tottenham ?
FFP: Don't think so. I'm on 8 mil a week; I'm porking the chairman's daughter; I've got a Lambo, two Hummers and a Lambretta; six penthouse appartments; and we're in the Champs Lge next season.
Next day's headline: Famous Foreign Player Snubs Spurs.

 

[flatback4]

Great stuff, that's pretty much what I think happens. Did you write it Flatback4?

Yeh. Only to way to stop going clinically insane after reading some bloke from Ghana or somewhere is now our genuine, top, no1, noshitwereallymeanitthistime target.

I just can't believe how people can churn out this crap day after day. And mugs like us lap it up. Because irritatingly the cnuts do get it right sometime.

 

[Montasura]

It's always nice to start off a Sunday reading an insightful, well researched, well written article.

As I couldn't find one on here this post was more than an acceptable substitute :rofl:

Dare I say it flatback but I think you just summed up exactly how we all feel this summer window.......funny as fuck!

Cheers :cheers:

 

[Paxtonite]

:clap:

Good post.

Although i would add that there often isn't smoke without fire and in Berba's case i think that there is definitely some fire even though i had hoped he would be staying.

Plus i think that most of these "hacks" may not even get as far as speaking to the actual club managers. Most of it is through the agents.

 

[VegasII]

Great read...makes me wonder what the rest of the papers do with the news. Same format I reckon.

 

[EmperorKabir]

lol awesome!

 

[cwhite02]

nice work!!

 

[paul_m2k5]

Good Read.
:clap::clap::clap:

 

[coleraineyid]

it because so many of the HACKS on fleet street are scum or spammers!!!