Following Spurs (Football) & Your Mental Health

Darth Vega said:

I think the pandemic has put more pressure on Spurs as it's been my one and only outlet. No real opportunity to see my friends, go out for dinner, go to the gym, or do literally anything else to unwind and let off some steam. Each week/weekend has just revolved around Spurs even more so than ever before and, of course, every game has been on TV.

I think once things get back to normal and we're all in a better place mentally, the pain associated with football will ease off. I love the club and i'll always support them, but i'm slowly reducing my emotional investment. It's a hobby and there are more important things in life.

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I think you are right. I have hated watching us on tv during lockdown. They’ve been showing every game and my anxiety has increased considerably if I watch the games or not. The whole day is a struggle.

But today I had none of that. No anxiety at all because I was going to the game. We were shit and I was angry at the performance but I was fine all day. It was such a relief. Next season hopefully it will be back to normal and all our games won’t be on tv. It will be so much better for me.

I think those of us who worry about an overreliance on football need more balance. Now this is far easier for some than for others. Eg new hobbies, seeking help, volunteering, more time for family, new job, travelling, whatever perhaps might be a bit easier for the young and/or unattached, (I'm generalising and it's not otherwise impossible).

Now admittedly, it's true that it's 'only' football but everything in life is 'only' that thing if we die at the end of all this, so we end up making choices about what those things are to fill our lives with. If anyone, and I have to look at myself here as well when I say this, is getting too annoyed or generally feeling uncomfortably negative about football, my gut reaction is to consider rebalance where I focus my time and mental efforts. For me, I do have options so it softens it thankfully. I'm appreciative that I'm able to do so even though things like the 2019 final hurt badly once in a while as explained in my opening post. For others, it's more difficult. Just look at Claude from AFTV (RIP). If I got to that stage, I know I've gone way too far. The key is to be honest with myself (ourselves) if things start going in that direction.

Bumping for the new season.

It's good to talk. It's OK not to feel OK.

Don't let Spurs determine how you feel every week.

Think it might be a good time to resurrect this again before the window closes and people lose their shit.

The anger on this forum is awful.

Some people could use a break from Spurs and not only this forum but probably the internet and social media in general, including myself.

The name calling, the vitriol towards people, and I'm liable to both of those myself, is enough to push people over an edge.

Basically I think what I'm trying to say is we all surely want the same thing for Spurs, but when someone disagrees or says something you don't like, there's no need to continue telling someone they're wrong or whatever. Once is enough.

Be nice if people could separate Spurs and not take things so personally all the time because we don't have control over what the club does and never ever will unless someone on here becomes a multi billionaire. And let's face it that's not happening because we wouldn't be on here fighting all the time otherwise.

Age and experience has a lot to do with it.
20 years ago I'd have been a name-caller on here, nowadays I try to put my point across calmly without getting personal. And if someone has pushed my buttons and/or imo been a div, I just don't reply.

I remember hanging up on an ex-gf because she told me 'it's just a game' when I was moaning about a defeat to Bolton once. Nowadays I sometimes record the game and watch it later after spending the day with my family. Perspective; I still love my football and adore my club. I'm buzzing after a big win, especially if I'm at the ground but football has changed a lot, it isn't a nice sport for lots of reasons and whilst I still get 'up for it' and shout & holler, it won't ruin my week anymore.

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

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Football fandom is a racket, and nowadays it's as much about content and feeding the addiction as any other entertainment stream.

I'd suggest looking for things more rewarding outside of following it, timebox your device time maybe. Easy for me to say because I've got a family and plenty of other things going on... But football has long stopped being able to effect me.

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

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Genuinely, I think you should give up football, or at the very least Spurs. If - on balance - it makes you more miserable than it does happy then ditching it would be a net improvement for your state of mind.

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

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Can only speak for myself but the following has worked fantastically for me. I'm 33 btw so we're not too far apart.

Avoid match thread like the plague. I may log in before KO and at HT. But it's usually the same sort of negative posters who post the same negative things before and during games. Avoiding the thread altogether helps me form my own perspective of whats happened and what's happening and i give my full attention to the game.

Same for Twitter. Avoid it during and after, for about 24 hours usually especially after a defeat. Its so vitriolic and not good for the mind.

I used to not be able to switch off for about 24 hours of sulk and frustration. Now it takes me about a half hour.

The only thing I do during games now is text my dad about things happening during the game.

During my 20s I was the same and it took me hours/days to get over a defeat.

Then over the last few years (I'm 30 now) I realized what's the point. There's way more to life then a football result deciding my mood for the day/week.

This also may sound weird but way the club is heading or has been heading the past couple of years (nowhere really) makes me realize I shouldn't invest too much into it.

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

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Hmm. Will try to answer. Or suggest something. I think it's not necessarily an either/or. You can still give a shit without it overtaking your life. So it's a question of finding a balance I guess. Maybe look into mindfulness/meditation if you haven't already done so. I have found it incredibly helpful. There are online 'talk as you go' audios ( as well as live groups you can join with teachers/guides) and some of these are quite short and therefore practical. Basically about being aware in the moment and using body and breath as anchors so you can let all sorts of other stuff 'go'. It doesn't mean you won't give a shit about football but it will help you to stop it overtaking your feelings and thoughts. You can put it in a box. Anyway, this may or may not be helpful...

Defeats don't really get to me anymore. Unless they're the odd big one like Sheffield United on Wednesday that I feel can be regarded as missed opportunities.

I love the club, always have and always will. It has been my escape and distraction for many years while I have gone through severe depression, as well as the ups and downs I have had medically speaking.

I used to love coming on here and social media and interacting with other Spurs and having good honest discussions regarding the club and the matches, transfers and now possible investment/takeover. Recently, however, that has changed. I find the fanbase has become toxic and full of unnecessary negativity. I know I can probably be regarded as a blind optimist, however it's not a bad thing to try and be positive about the club. We aren't in a terrible position. Compared to my hometown club Crawley, who are likely to be relegated out of the football league after a decade in the EFL. I can't get overly angry when they're in a much worse position and being ripped apart from the inside by owners who have zero clue what they're doing.

Yesterday prior to the Wolves game I actually hit the log off button and didn't come on here (or twitter as I decided to remove that off my phone for a little while for similar reasons). I just felt I was getting angry myself with other fans at times. I felt much better after logging off. Decided I may lurk more than post from now on and I have decided I'm just going to follow the news and watch the matches for the most part. I don't need the extra level of negativity when I have enough to battle through personally.

Apologies to all if I have come across in a bad light. We all want what's best for this club and opinions differ. There is no right or wrong way to support the club.

Just bought me and my dad tickets for the Forest game. Been a while since we have gone together. Something to look forward to.

COYS.

14/04/91 said:

Age and experience has a lot to do with it.
20 years ago I'd have been a name-caller on here, nowadays I try to put my point across calmly without getting personal. And if someone has pushed my buttons and/or imo been a div, I just don't reply.

I remember hanging up on an ex-gf because she told me 'it's just a game' when I was moaning about a defeat to Bolton once. Nowadays I sometimes record the game and watch it later after spending the day with my family. Perspective; I still love my football and adore my club. I'm buzzing after a big win, especially if I'm at the ground but football has changed a lot, it isn't a nice sport for lots of reasons and whilst I still get 'up for it' and shout & holler, it won't ruin my week anymore.

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I remember going out with this girl cos he boyfriend went nuts over losing to Bolton. She was insane.

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

Click to expand...

I’m same age as you, and you’re description matches my feelings and actions perfectly. I’d add, to my shame I find myself far more active here when things are going badly.
What is worse for me is that I don’t even get to watch games. I always follow them via radio, this site or BBC commentary. And yet despite this, if Spurs lose, it really really bothers me.
I can only theorise that it is because football is my escapism, and if my escapism from real world tedium is rubbish as well then it’s doubly rubbish

I know it isn’t as black and white as this, but wagering your happiness/mood on something you have no control over (football) isn’t wise.

In the past, a few results left me feeling a bit deflated, but that was about it.

Nowadays, football and the Premier League is little more than a soap opera, so I treat it as such.
Results will be what they will be. We might lose, and in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter. I sometimes find the meltdowns, the drama, the hyperbolic reaction, the club turmoil, the breaking news etc more entertaining and amusing than the football. But only because I’m not invested in it. I can dip in and out and give zero fucks about whatever concatenation of events may transpire.

It’s nice to see Spurs win games, and I actively want us to win, but it’s not a given, so banking on any kind of outcome to improve your mood isn’t, and can’t be, the way to go about things.

bubble07 said:

Thanks @spurs mental for pointing me to this thread

So posting what I posted in the Conte thread

I'm trying to not give a shit about spurs but I just can't as I've supported them as early as I can remember and I'm now 37

But when we lose/don't win the people that I care about and care about me seem to be walking on eggshells as I'm visibly moody.

I don't shout or get violent but I just sulk and don't say anything for hours unless I'm out and have to interact. Obviously this affects my enjoyment on nights out. But after reflection I feel like why should I care its only a game and then I'm ok again until the next game we lose

I just wish I could follow the team but not let the outcome affect me but can't. I'm sure I'm not alone with this. My dad is also a massive fan and it affects him just as much to the point after a defeat we don't actually talk about it as we will just argue despite agreeing which is weird

This website is so good but I tend to be in autopilot and always log in and always go to the same threads and read the same posts over and over again just worded differently. I go on the Conte thread and Levy thread but everything that has been said has been said in every single way but I'm still drawn to it. I feel it helps as I'm not alone with these feelings but at the same time there's so much negativity and most of it within reason that it also hinders

But my question is have any of you been able to change your mind set to not give a shit and if you have what did you do?

Click to expand...

I’m nearly 35 and can fully relate to what you’re going through. I hope you and your dad are alright first and foremost. The best way to deal with this is to focus on doing something that makes you happy as a human being. I hope my experience helps you out to seek an alternative hobby or provides you with ideas in getting away from it for a bit.

I’ve been going regularly to matches at the lane this season, then got an email to buy a half season ticket which I’ve worked hard for and will not give it up as ticket exchange does come in handy for when you want a break.

At times it’s been an uncomfortable watch (understatement of the year) as well as what I’ve heard in the stands over the past 5/6 months. My partner also went with me to some games before the World Cup and the final straw for her was the abuse of Emerson the frequent use of the C word where she was sat on the Shelf Side. Ever since that Leeds game she hasn’t been to a home game. Luckily she can turn to her illustration degree as an escape.

As a ST holder the last game I went to was the Arsenal game. This was when I completely zoned out, literally, I sat in my seat and was one of the only ones left in the ground. I realised I needed time out from going to games (12 hour round trip). I didn’t regret it one bit, yes, all of the games I missed we ended up not losing but I was able to reassess my own stance on where the club is at in my mind.

I am going back for the Milan and Forest games mainly as a birthday present for my dad: if (looks highly probable) things get worse that is me done for the season and I will put the rest up on exchange as well as not watch on tv.

Instead I will focus more on my own health, both mental and physical. I am very lucky as I live in Devon (who’d think with my user name) being a 5 min walk from the beach and I can go on coastal walks which are very good for clearing your head. The Wolves game was the first game this season when I didn’t even watch or listen: I checked on SC after the game.

I am writing a project at the moment which I intend to put up on You Tube & Patreon, it will be a series of 10 min videos on Sport in London: hopefully it can evolve but this is mainly a hobby to get my brain in check again as I feel that I’ve been wasting my knowledge over the past few years (got a BA & MA in social history: mainly focusing on Sport).

Also, music for me is an instant go to: this for me is such a healer particularly metal but whatever your taste it is proven to help people going through loads.

We have lost and I have been fine, but losing games by sitting back and giving up possession and trying to find a goal from somewhere starts off frustrating and then just build.

4/5 years of this....

Just feels like a waist of time watching us play, but years of doing so just keeps you going.

14/04/91 said:

Age and experience has a lot to do with it.
20 years ago I'd have been a name-caller on here, nowadays I try to put my point across calmly without getting personal. And if someone has pushed my buttons and/or imo been a div, I just don't reply.

I remember hanging up on an ex-gf because she told me 'it's just a game' when I was moaning about a defeat to Bolton once. Nowadays I sometimes record the game and watch it later after spending the day with my family. Perspective; I still love my football and adore my club. I'm buzzing after a big win, especially if I'm at the ground but football has changed a lot, it isn't a nice sport for lots of reasons and whilst I still get 'up for it' and shout & holler, it won't ruin my week anymore.

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Nice balanced approach

chrissivad said:

We have lost and I have been fine, but losing games by sitting back and giving up possession and trying to find a goal from somewhere starts off frustrating and then just build.

4/5 years of this....

Just feels like a waist of time watching us play, but years of doing so just keeps you going.

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Spot on