Amusing Spurs-related Anecdotes

[Ionman34]

I managed to ejaculate at the very same time Anderton scored for us against Wimbledon. I should make it clear I wasn’t at the stadium at the time.

It was a tv match and I was with this girl indoors. I wanted to combine my 2 favourite things and she agreed to let me make love to her from behind while I watch the football. Basically I was ‘edging’ for around 40 minutes where I could’ve finished at pretty much any point, but each time we attacked I let myself go a little (I don’t mean I put on weight during every counter) and at one point, we attacked and Dazza scored. My timing was almost perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever celebrated cumming with a cheer before or since. She laughed, I laughed, we high-fived and then we ate some food.

T’was a simpler time back then.

How the f**k do you follow that?

You absolute ****!

 

[JimmyG2]

Once upon a long time ago I went with my new stepdad and his cousin Joey to The Lane.
They walked me round to the boys entrance and told me to wait at the entrance after the game.
I waited for about 20 minutes, nobody appeared and was taken in hand by a friendly policeman.
Well they mainly were in those days, Dixon I think his name was.
Explained why I was waiting and we walked round the ground.
On our second circuit now about an hour after the final whistle I spotted them approaching.
They'd gone off to a pub having forgotten all about me.
The policeman didn't believe that Uncle Joey had been taken ill, but he let it go.
I think their breaths were a bit of a give-away.
I was sworn to secrecy and promised a shilling if I didn't tell my Mum.

Can't remember a single thing about the match. I was about 10 at the time. Early 50's.

 

[daveduvet]

The Dazzler Story?

Goes something like this:

I attended the University of Southampton between 1993 and 1996.

During my last year at Uni, I was 'dating' someone from the same halls of residence that I had decided to move back into during my final year. Nice young girl, though I am embarrassed to admit I cannot recall her name. Which should give you some idea of how long that particular relationship lasted. I digress.

These particular halls of residence were basically apartments on each floor, with a en-suite bathrooms and a shared kitchen, per 8 rooms. An important detail to remember for later on. The residence typically contained a mixture of 1st year and 3rd year students. I was of the latter. She was of the former.

Anyways...

We'd been hanging for a few weeks, when one night she and few friends she was living with, wanted to join me and few of my buddies at a bar we planned to hit-up somewhere in the main city. I don't recall much about it, other than I guess it was borderline swank. Or whatever passed for swank in Soton back in the mid-90s. (by-and-large, it was a dump back then, but not so now).

Now, one of my mates, was really into a friend of hers. For the sake of the story, let's call her, Sarah. So, he was quite keen on her joining us. So, I persuaded my girlthingee to drag her along. Sarah took some convincing. She was a bit of a SWOT. Extremely clever, and enrolled in the medical school program. To boot, she was stunning. Like, knock-down-dead gorgeous. She had it all.

A party animal she was not. However, after much coaxing she relented. But, only if we stayed for two hours.

So, me and about five of my friends, joined my girlthingee and four of her mates at the swanky new bar.

We had been there for about an hour or so, and I could tell poor Sarah was not having a good time. I could also tell that she was probably more interested in bleaching her anus than hooking up with my mate.

My mate, however, quickly got over his rejection when he spotted a familiar face at the bar... a certain Mr. Darren Anderton.

He was still at Spurs, but I believe was injured. Hence why he was in Southampton, as that's where his family resides.

Before you know it, me and my buddies have abandoned the girls and encircled Darren. I was rather giddy. Like an over excitable school-girl crushing on the latest boy-band bro. As it's not often we get to meet one of our footballing idols.

For what it is worth, he was a nice guy. Softly spoken and genuinely flattered with the attention. Did not seem to mind us invading his space. Which I thought was very kind and generous of him. Or... so I thought.

After about 20 mins of us peppering him with questions like... 'Is Beckham's hair really that god-like in person?' Or,' is Teddy Sheringham secretly related to Clint Eastwood'? Or, 'When will you be playing again'? (All of which he politely answered), he finally leans over and whispers to me... 'Is that bird with your lot?'

He was looking at Sarah.

I confirmed that 'that bird' was with us lot. He then asked if I'd be open to introducing him to her.

Of course. What could go wrong? She has no idea who he is. Probably wouldn't care one way or the other. Moreover, as I said before, she was one of the very smart ones. Determined and driven. And no matter Darren's fame and frame, there's little chance she'd indulge him for more than half-an-hour.

So, I did the right thing, and made an intro.

They spoke, and she seemed to be doing a nice job of humoring him. But I could tell he wasn't breaking through.

But you know what they say... appearances can be deceptive.

Fast forward two weeks later.

I go over to the apartment where my girlthingee lives. As I walk down the hallway, I pass an open door to a room. Sarah's room. And there, sitting on her bed, like any 'ol student, is none other than Dazzler himself.

For a moment, I just gawk at him. Taken aback. In fact, he was the one to say 'hello again. you're the bloke from the bar, that introduced me to Sarah, right'? Took me a moment to get back control of my senses, as this moment was surreal and my cognitive comprehension of what was taking place seemed to be having a hard time breaking through.

Darren Anderton of Tottenham Hotspur and England, was in a university halls of residence, in a room, sitting on a bed, like he was one of us. It was just so damn weird.

That's when Sarah popped her face around the door. All happy like. Smiling from ear-to-ear. And all she says is: 'We're popping out for a bite'.

Like it ain't no thing than a chicken wing. Completely normal. Nothing to see here.

Right before I walked away, I made eye contact again with Darren. He looked at me with a mixture of consternation and humor - as he understood how bizarre this must all look. Also, he was a public figure. A famous enough figure to show up in the tabloids. So, he gave me a friendly wink, followed by a not-quite-so friendly 'shhh' gesture, by briefly holding his index finger to his lips. I nodded back. All understood. And even despite the cognitive dissonance, and general curiosity, all I really wanted to ask him was when he'd be playing again.

Fast forward three more months. Me and girlthingee are no longer together.

And dear, super smart Sarah is no longer a first year med student at Southampton... a girl with a promising career ahead.

Nope. She's dropped out completely to devote her time and intelligence to being a full time WAG.

No idea how it ended up. But, to this day, I find it to be both an amusing story and also a cautionary tale. ?
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ROLL CREDITS

So, guess next story will be how and why I became a Spurs fan. And in my case, it really was a life-or-death decision.

Great story. What was the name of the club, du remember, not Jokers surely? (In fact I know it wasn’t)
I was in Brunei halls of residence, then Kitchener Road at Southampton uni between 95-98. I don’t know if I’m creating a story off the back of yours but I recall being at a club - trendy & swank by Southampton standards - and folk pointing out Darren Anderton was at the bar, ribbing me cos I’m spurs. Maybe it was another time, another club. Who knows... cheers @jeremystorey

 

[Ionman34]

Once upon a long time ago I went with my new stepdad and his cousin Joey to The Lane.
The walked me round to the boys entrance and told me to wait at the entrance after the game.
I waited for about 20 minutes, nobody appeared and was taken in hand by a friendly policeman.
Well they mainly were in those days, Dixon I think his name was.
Explained why I was waiting and we walked round the ground.
On our second circuit now about an hour after the final whistle I spotted them approaching.
They'd gone off to a pub having forgotten all about me.
The policeman didn't believe that Uncle Joey had been taken ill, but he let it go.
I think their breaths were a bit of a give-away.
I was sworn to secrecy and promised a shilling if I didn't tell my Mum.

Can't remember a single thing about the match. I was about 10 at the time. Early 50's.

Dixon eh?

Dock Green?

 

[Locotoro]

Speaking of Anderton...

I posted a few years ago that I saw him in Watford Shopping centre and he ignored me so I snapped a picture of him. When one poster commented that he was probably injured I looked at the photo and realised he was holding his groin.

Just saw...

Given the number of Spurs related people I seem to be seeing recently I'm interested in who everyone else has seen and what their reaction has been. For example, I just saw Darren Anderton in Watford Shopping Centre, walked up to him to say hello and he completely ignored me. Last week I saw...

www.spurscommunity.co.uk

Had a per chance meeting with teddy sheringham (during his first stint) when he played for us when he challenged my relative's husband (who was a security guard at the old training ground) to a penalty shootout. Ended up being very embarrassing as he missed all 3 penalties he took (and by missed I mean non were on target).

 

[SpursSince1980]

Great story. What was the name of the club, du remember, not Jokers surely? (In fact I know it wasn’t)
I was in Brunei halls of residence, then Kitchener Road at Southampton uni between 95-98. I don’t know if I’m creating a story off the back of yours but I recall being at a club - trendy & swank by Southampton standards - and folk pointing out Darren Anderton was at the bar, ribbing me cos I’m spurs. Maybe it was another time, another club. Who knows... cheers @jeremystorey

Holy shit balls. I will send you a DM. Yes, very familiar with Clowns and Festers, as we used to call it. And no, it definitely was not there!

 

[popstar7]

Turned up at WHL in the mid-90s with a Liverpool-supporting mate. Home game against the Scouse in all their mid-90s Spice Boys pomp. Got tickets in the Park Lane off a ferret-faced tout about half an hour before kick-off. Three minutes into the game there was an arm on my shoulder - a steward with two nervous looking characters behind him. "You're going to have to leave. These seats aren't yours."

Checked our tickets and confirmed they'd been reported stolen so we were kicked out into the cold night only five minutes into the game. We wandered down to the High Street and headed north looking for a pub to watch the rest of the game. Until after about 50 yards we spot the tout we'd bought the tickets off on his tod right outside the West Stand entrance.

After a bit of to and fro we got a refund. Then went and got wankered.

It was the game McManaman scored off a divot that took the ball over Ian Walker if you remember that.

 

[WannaDanceWithUdogie]

Great story. What was the name of the club, du remember, not Jokers surely? (In fact I know it wasn’t)
I was in Brunei halls of residence, then Kitchener Road at Southampton uni between 95-98. I don’t know if I’m creating a story off the back of yours but I recall being at a club - trendy & swank by Southampton standards - and folk pointing out Darren Anderton was at the bar, ribbing me cos I’m spurs. Maybe it was another time, another club. Who knows... cheers @jeremystorey

Funny seeing this, I may be off to Southampton Uni in September!

 

[SpursSince1980]

Funny seeing this, I may be off to Southampton Uni in September!

To study?

 

[mightyspur]

To study?

To try and bang Darren Anderton.

 

[SpursSince1980]

To try and bang Darren Anderton.

 

[ILS]

So back on 27th January 2008 myself, My future wife and my brother (United fan) left our house in the Midlands to head towards Manchester for the fourth round cup game against Utd. I made a decision that even though traffic was quiet to jump on the M6 toll road and put my foot down to get us there. As I'm tootling along, I noted a VW Golf and a Green Volvo estate on the side of the road but thought nothing off it. Anyway a couple of minutes down the road I had the same green Volvo right up my arse, so I put my foot down a bit more and then all of a sudden the flashing lights went off....shit. I got pulled over and asked to take a seat in the green Volvo and then was lectured on how fast I was going as she had caught me doing 94, which I argued it was because she was so far up my arse but fell on death ears. ..3 points and £60 fine.

Anyway off we went to the match and due to us now running late I was in a bit of a panic and just as I was parking my vehicle I reversed into a post...dent in the rear panel. As you can imagine my head was completely gone at this point and the game was secondary in my thoughts. We ended up losing in an utter shit match and from recollection I remember Tevez scoring one of their goals. I think Keane scored for us.

The plan after the game was to drop my brother off at Piccadilly so he could get the train back as myself and the wife had tickets for Linkin Park at the MEN. So as we headed into Manchester, roadworks were horrendous and diversions everywhere and I could not locate Picadilly station. Eventually we decided to park at the MEN and my brother make his own way to the station.

It was now approx about 6pm and we had a decision to make. Head into the MEN or go to the Hard Rock to get some food. The wife wanted to go and watch the support band which my response was "don't worry they will likely be shit" So off we went to Hard Rock. It was heaving and took us ages to get a table. Anyway we had our meal which was shit and went to MEN ready to rock out. As we got into MEN, Linkin Park were due to come out. I said to the wife, you go to the seats and I will get a drink. I got her a beer and myself a water and headed to the seats. On my arrival the wife was waiting there with a face like thunder.... I thought shit have I got her the wrong beer?. She mouthed "Biffy Fucking Clyro!!" Yes they were the support band.. one of the wife's favourites and something she has never forgiven me for 13 years on. Just to compound the shit day, I lost my balance and my cup slipped leading to the water falling out of my cup and right down the bum crack off the lady who was leaning forward in front. Up she jumped and so did her massive husband. My response of "it's only fucking water" didn't really go down well and before you knew it, Security was called threatening our ejection if things didn't calm down.

The one positive to come out of the day was that Linkin Park were brilliant. Luckily we had a pretty uneventful drive home, once I realised I was heading towards Leeds on the M62. I went to bed that night curled up like a baby saying to the wife "If Carslberg did shit days...."

 

[daveduvet]

Holy shit balls. I will send you a DM. Yes, very familiar with Clowns and Festers, as we used to call it. And no, it definitely was not there!

That’s it - jesters; like a football terrace out the back. Jokers is/was in Benidorm

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

Q: Which Spurs supporter is blatantly trying to get a glimpse of Jayne Mansfield's vadge?

A: All of them.

 

[JimmyG2]

When does the book come out?

 

[WannaDanceWithUdogie]

To study?

Yeah

 

[tevezito]

Some of you might have missed this one the first time around...
https://www.spurscommunity.co.uk/in...scoigne-gonna-have-a-crack.45538/post-5023319

 

[blodge99]

Spookily, my little story actually happened 11 years ago today. Feb 28th 2010.


I live in the far west of Wales so it's a bit of a trek getting up to London for games, but we generally make 2/3/4 trips up a season. There's a nice little outpost of Spurs fans down here, but a core of 4/5 of us who go on most trips and then few others who join the trips when commitments allow.


So, we planned a trip up for the Everton game. 2 of the boys had some work somewhere so we arranged to meet them in Paddington on the Sunday morning The other 4 of us had a night on the beer in Cardiff on the Saturday and then get an early train on the Sunday morning.

Arrived in Paddington bright and early (I seem to remember it was an early kick off as it was Carling Cup final day?). As we were waiting for the others to arrive, we had a call saying they were delayed due to a train crash or something, so made arrangements for us to drop our bags at the hotel and we'd meet them up at the ground.
We got up to N17 and had a couple of pints pre match. Took our seats and watched the game kick off...with no sign of the other 2 boys.
Eventually, 43 mins gone and they turn up, extremely stressed, annoyed and severely hungover!
Half time we go for a beer and try and find out where they've been. Turns out they'd had a bit of a mad one on the Saturday night, one of them had got lucky and they'd gone back to some girls place - unfortunately her husband turned up first thing in the morning ? after things turned a bit physical they eventually got out of there but the whole day had been a bit of a disaster (and wasn't about to get better).

Finished our beers and went back for the 2nd half. The boys who'd arrived late hadn't been able to drop their bags off so had ruck sacks with them.
5 mins into the 2nd half, one of them goes in his bag and gets a drink out. Has a swig and puts it back in his bag.
Less than 2 mins later, a steward appears and beckons my mate out and says he wants a chat and to bring his bag with him. He gets up and shuffles down the seats to speak to the steward who takes him down the steps into the concourse.
5 mins go by and no sign of him so two of us go down to try and find out what's going on.

Turns out, the drink he'd swigged was a bottle of cider from HT but being hungover still he hadn't been able to drink it so put the cap on and back in his bag.
The steward had radioed for backup (yes really!) and 2 police officers turned up and he was being arrested under some law from the 80s which prohibits the consumption of alochol in view of the pitch.
Despite his protestations that we'd been to a 6 nations game the week before and had beers at our seats. The police were sympathetic but the steward was a real jobsworth.

As they carted him off, we went back to our seats. All the people around us were asking what had happened?
I said he'd had a swig of a bottle of beer and they'd caught it on cctv and he was being arrested. Cue general condemnation from everyone around us (that was more exciting than the period of the game at that point).
A guy then appears from a few rows up who we'd been chatting too in the concourse at HT and asks what happened.
One of the other boys then explains what again, that he'd had a swig of his cider....at this point a bloke in the row behind us says 'ah well, if it was cider he deserved it!'.....cue, everyone bursts out laughing.

The game finished (2-1 to us) and I had to go try and find out where he'd been taken. The rep I spoke to from the club was fairly helpful and made a few calls amd said he was in Tottenham nick, and he'd be processed in due course.
Eventually, he rung us at 830 and he'd been released. He was processed in Tottenham before being taken to another station near Liverpool Street. He said there was an Everton fan in the police station with him and he had an absolute hiding from the police officers there. Really brutal.

We got back home on the Tuesday, and there was a letter from THFC saying he was banned from attending WHL for a period of 5 years ?
An expensive weekend and he saw less than 5 minutes of football lol

 

[mr ashley]

When does the book come out?

I’m really enjoying @jeremystorey stories
Guess the clue was in the name

 

[SpursSince1980]

I’m really enjoying @jeremystorey stories
Guess the clue was in the name

?