So you've had to rather embarrassingly dismantle your wall art celebrating your only top-class player because he went on strike and decided he never wanted to play for your crappy little club ever again.
But what to replace it with?
A representation of one of your glory, glory nights in Europe? Hmm. Probably best not.
A picture of your most recent cup-winning team? Hmm. The colours need to claret and blue, not sepia.
Maybe an homage to the beloved Board member who oversaw the best ever stadium transition ever? Hmm. Don't want to attract the vandals or indeed scare the police horses.
So what then?
I know. Why not celebrate the time West Ham won goal of the season? Admittedly, it's not officially the goal of the season because the season hasn't ended yet and there are lots of other candidates, but as long as they stick some quotes up there from a few randoms to make it seem like it was, then that would be OK, wouldn't it? Not small time at all, is it? And everyone will come and look and say 'Wow. What a great player Andy Carroll is.' And absolutely no-one will take the piss and say 'Bloody hell. I remember that day. The day Andy Carroll got whiplash scoring a goal. What a crock.' Oh no. That wouldn't happen at all. Would it?
Anyway, here it is in all its glory...
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Someone needs to add another quote, "I tell him not to do it in training because I'm scared he'll get injured" Slaven Bilic.
Come on, who in their right mind wouldn't trust these two dildo peddlers?
Hopefully there'll be some fighting between the fans, that's always nice.
And crying as well, women and children crying.
Sullivan's jacket's none too clever, either.That tie may actually be the most horrific thing I have seen since Karen Brady's face.