Let's All Laugh At... Let's All Laugh At West Ham

[mark87]

The consortium that took over the club don't actually have enough money. That's one of the reasons the takeover took so long is because when it came to actually pay up, they didn't have the money they'd agreed on. In a last minute desperate attempt to get the cash together, they borrowed a huge amount of money from a particularly unsavory American hedge fund, who basically specialise in lending money to desperate people who can't afford it, with a massive interest rate to whom they have a fixed deadline to repay the money.

So in short, the money that they've used to buy the club and then splash out on lots of players this summer is all borrowed money at an extortionate interest rate that they have to pay back very quickly or the whole thing blows up. Not sure exactly what happens then but I would assume that the hedge fund would take over the club and strip it down to get their money. The only way I can see this not ending badly is if Milan suddenly become the dominant force in world football and start generating the kind of revenue Man Utd or Real Madrid make. But somehow I doubt that's about to happen any time soon.

Like I say, disaster waiting to happen. It's like being given a multi-million pound mortage that you can't afford. It's all rosy for a couple of weeks when you're sitting in your huge mansion smoking cigars and drinking brandy, but once your first couple of repayments kick in you're fucked.

Basically how the last recession started.

 

[StartingPrice]

Martin Samuel has thrown his weight [sic.] into the The-Kane-Team-Gate. He says we are "the Kane team". Does that mean Wet Spam are The Little Pea Team? How apt

 

[Spurger King]

Basically how the last recession started.

I just knew those bastards at Milan were behind it all.

 

[NinjaTuna]

The consortium that took over the club don't actually have enough money. That's one of the reasons the takeover took so long is because when it came to actually pay up, they didn't have the money they'd agreed on. In a last minute desperate attempt to get the cash together, they borrowed a huge amount of money from a particularly unsavory American hedge fund, who basically specialise in lending money to desperate people who can't afford it, with a massive interest rate to whom they have a fixed deadline to repay the money.

So in short, the money that they've used to buy the club and then splash out on lots of players this summer is all borrowed money at an extortionate interest rate that they have to pay back very quickly or the whole thing blows up. Not sure exactly what happens then but I would assume that the hedge fund would take over the club and strip it down to get their money. The only way I can see this not ending badly is if Milan suddenly become the dominant force in world football and start generating the kind of revenue Man Utd or Real Madrid make. But somehow I doubt that's about to happen any time soon.

Like I say, disaster waiting to happen. It's like being given a multi-million pound mortage that you can't afford. It's all rosy for a couple of weeks when you're sitting in your huge mansion smoking cigars and drinking brandy, but once your first couple of repayments kick in you're fucked.

Surely, surelyyyy, their owners can't be that dumb/incompetent....? Sounds like Milan are gonna be going down shit creek without a paddle in the reasonably near future

 

['O Zio]

Surely, surelyyyy, their owners can't be that dumb/incompetent....? Sounds like Milan are gonna be going down shit creek without a paddle in the reasonably near future

I've no idea mate but that's what happened. It was reported in the papers etc.

The exact details of their loan are not known but the fund they've borrowed it off are a well-known vulture fund and the interest rates on the loan are supposedly massive. I can only see this ending one way unfortunately...

 

[Mornstar]

Can we please get back on topic and discuss west ham being crap

 

[Insomnia]

Can we please get back on topic and discuss west ham being crap

All in good time my friend, they don’t play til Saturday week then normal service resumes

 

['O Zio]

Can we please get back on topic and discuss west ham being crap

 

[For the love of Spurs]

Martin Samuel has thrown his weight [sic.] into the The-Kane-Team-Gate. He says we are "the Kane team". Does that mean Wet Spam are The Little Pea Team? How apt

West Ham don't have a player of any real quality to be a one man team.

 

[Insomnia]

West Ham don't have a player of any real quality to be a one man team.

Antonio?

 

[TheChosenOne]

They are still moaning about the Carabo Cup allocation.

I thought a 4.8k allocation out of 51 is reasonable.

 

[Marty]

West Ham don't have a player of any real quality to be a one man team.

They're the Mark Noble team. No caps allowed.

 

[riggi]

They are still moaning about the Carabo Cup allocation.

I thought a 4.8k allocation out of 51 is reasonable.

They're lucky they're getting that. Can't help but mouth off all over twitter.

On another note I can see them winning that game...

 

[aliyid]

Minutes on the pitch in an England international:

Mark Noble: 0
Tonight’s pitch invader: 2

 

[Wellspurs]

Goals scored in 2017....WH 35, Kane 34.....

Does tonight mean it's WHU 36 Kane 37 for 2017?

 

[Wellspurs]

Apparently Arnautovic and Bilic have fallen out, who'd have thought someone of Serb descent and a Croat would be fighting?

Was he signed by the porn twins without Bilic's knowledge? Obviously history of any kind not their strongest point!

 

[WorcesterTHFC]

Does tonight mean it's WHU 36 Kane 37 for 2017?

I wonder what price you can get about Kane outscoring Wet Spam's entire team this calendar year.

 

[kr1978]

They just got trolled on talkSPORT by an American NFL pundit

He was talking about NFL teams building a stadium and cities saying no to funding development for wealthy NFL teams and said
“It’s not like England where the teams don’t expect to be able to use taxpayer money to build a new stadium, well apart from West Ham obviously.”

Edit-It was a bit more cutting than that but you get the gist

 

[Nine while nine]

Lady Brady‏Verified account@karren_brady Oct 4
Does this look like a ‘luxury’ burger to you?!! Coming tonight on @bbcapprentice BBC1 9pm…pic.twitter.com/mIghdctorf

6:55 am - 4 Oct 2017



Hmm. No, Karren. To me, it looks like a massive invitation for everyone on Twitter to rip the piss.

And so it came to pass. So far, we have the following replies...


Does this look like retractable seating to you? (Picture of scaffolding and cable ties)

Does this look like a 'world class stadium' that gives us 'bragging rights over Tottenham' to you? (similar picture)

Does this look like 'close to the pitch' to you? (Picture of some grass far, far away)

Does this look like a striker to you? (Picture of Jonathan Calleri)

Does this look like another 57,000 London Stadium capacity sell-out to you? (Pictures of rows of empty seats)

Does this look like the next fucking level to you? (Picture of league table showing West Ham in 15th)


And so on. And so on.

If you're interested, it's all on this link (https://twitter.com/karren_brady/status/915576105301692416), but I thought I'd share my favourite one to finish off with...


Mark‏@Stanwhu1 Oct 4
Replying to @karren_brady @bbcapprentice
Does this look like Les Dawson to you ?pic.twitter.com/wquRpyh3Ly

2:37 pm - 4 Oct 2017

 

[Phantom]