The Official SC Transfer Window Predictor

[Edgar_Davids]

IN
Darren Bent 25th June 13m
Younes Kaboul 25th June 8.5m
Wesley Sneijder 8 July 9m

Others

Nigel Rio Cokey to villa for 10m
No Harewood to brum 5m
Lee Hendrie to WBA free

 

[Stoof]

Henry to Barcelona :hump: Woo.

 

[stevenqoz]

Spurs In
Harry Kewell $8m July 7th
Jason Koumas $2m July 7th
Darren Bent $14M June 28th
Kevin Nolan $6m July 10th
Yossi Benyoumin $2m July 14th


Spurs Out
Danny Murphy $1m Millwall July 12th
Anthony Gardener $2m Charlton July 12th
Jermaine Jenas $8m Everton July 14th
Steed Malbranque $4m Fulham July 14th
Mido $4m Man City June 30th
3 Randoms
Gerimais $3m Sunderland June 30th
Lampard $18m Barcalona July 8th
Owen $10m Arsenal July 1st

 

[Bill_Oddie]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for your half-term reports.

So, who is top of the class and who is in the nurses office waiting to have duplo removed from their earhole after a particularly challenging wet playtime?

Rob:
Only 2 predictions right thus far and with dates far out, he has accumulated a paltry points total. Remedial lessons are advisable if he ever wants to graduate from kindergarten.

Points so far: 11
Predicted grade: E

Bill_Oddie:
By and large an excellent performance. Much to the dismay of the rest of the class who find him truly repugnant. Partly due to his appalling body odour.

Points to date: 36
Predicted Grade: B+

beni:
Solid progress with lots of correct predictions, albethem low-scoring. Unfortunately he continued writing after I instructed the class to put their pens down, so I have to discount his final 'non-spurs' predictions. Silly boy.

Points to date: 28
Predicted Grade: B

Archibal&Crooks:
Our beloved milk monitor has once again found favour by bringing me regular shiny apples. This boy may go far, but his grades suggest otherwise. A poor total thus far, and as he's relying on Spurs signing Dyer, Beattie and Saha, I suggest he forgets any ideas he may have to pursue 'Further Education'.

Points to date: 15
Predicted Grade: D-

roguepsi:
Very good work from young rogue. A popular boy, who perhaps could do with channeling some of the efforts he puts into his appearance to his schoolwork. His prospects might come down to a deadline day deal for Petrov, which should be entertaining.

Points so far: 28
Predicted Grade: B+

thegreatap:
Top of the class. A masterful effort, with 6 deals correct so far. He also gave me rep for my efforts as form tutor, so I have no hesitation in naming thegreatap as 'Head Boy'.

Points to date: 38
Predicted Grade: A+

kishman:
If thegreatap is Head Boy (which he is), the kishman is at least 'senior prefect'. Just a single point behind his greatness, kish is looking to David Healy and Ronaldinho to give him the edge over his peer by the end of August.

points to date: 37
Predicted Grade: A+

nightgoat:
Another outstanding performer. Nightgoat excelled in last terms performance of 'The Official SC Predictor' (a last minute change from Gilbert & Sullivan's HMS Pinafore), and is back again matching thegreatap point for point. Sadly the position of 'Head Boy' has been taken, though, so nightgoat is hereby appointed 'Head Girl'.

Points to date: 38
Predicted Grade: A+

tobi:
Frequently turns up late for class having apparently been watching US television series all night. This has had an adverse effect on his performance, and he could do well to remember that Jack Bauer didn't get where he is today by skipping school.

Points to date: 14
Predicted Grade: D

InOffMeLeftShin:
Another senior prefect, although a bit shitter than kishman. IOMLS is probably the one who bosses you around on the bus, while enviously looking at the kids who get the cushy gigs like fetching Professor Hooper's smokes from the tuck shop.

Points to date: 35
Predicted Grade: A

CaptainCat:
Note to CC: Handing in a half-finished examination paper does not go down well with the invigilators.

Points to date: 10
Predicted Grade: E

epfou1:
Middle of the road performance. A likeable character, but needs to work on applying his knowledge to the task at hand.

Points to date: 18
predicted Grade: C-

nabeelsaleem:
Another veteran of previous terms, and his good performance from nabeelsaleem, who seems much more suited to the world of transfer predictions than Spurs matches, where his over-enthusiasm would let him down. Just as he realised that we would not win every game 5-0, he seems to have much more realistic expectations of our transfer policies.

Points to date: 33
Predicted Grade: B+

brasil-spur
Our exchange student from South America has done enough to avoid detentions, but has far from excelled. A decent enough effort though, that puts several of our students to shame.

Points to date: 23
Predicted Grade: C

Spinders:
A lovely young boy, whose shameless crawling to the teacher I can not endorse heartily enough. On paper no better than brasil_spur, but nevertheless, I prefer Spinders spunk. What? Stop giggling at the back.

Points to date: 25
Predicted Grade: A

idlepete:
idle by name...and certainly by nature. However, this doesn't seem to have any adverse effects on his grades. If he applied himself, the possibilities would be endless, but fat chance of that. One of those punchable little shits who never seems to do any work, but gets through anyway. And the girls love him. Bastard.

Points to date: 29
Predicted Grade: B+

Stoof:
If A&C is the milk monitor, Stoof is librarian, receptionist, tuck-shop assistant, principal, and school nurse. And despite his many responsibilities, he has managed excellent test results.

Points to date: 33
Predicted grade: B+


Ok, that's all for tonight. I'll be back soon with the remaining student reports. In the meantime, you'll find far-too-strong lemon squash and crushed Rich Tea biscuits in the canteen.

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

Archibald&Crooks:
Our beloved milk monitor has once again found favour by bringing me regular shiny apples. This boy may go far, but his grades suggest otherwise. A poor total thus far, and as he's relying on Spurs signing Dyer, Beattie and Saha, I suggest he forgets any ideas he may have to pursue 'Further Education'.

Points to date: 15
Predicted Grade: D-

:shake:

 

[Defsta]

Holy shit, I'm really poor in this, but maybe we still sign Fanny 31st august

 

[Insomnia]

Err Dude,I put my team in where's Insomnia's riddicule and stuff????

 

[roguepsi]

I am pleased with my report if only because I thought I would be doing crap as I cokced up my timings. Still, the actual transfers are pretty accurate so far!

Thanks Mr Oddie! :up:

 

[Insomnia]

Is it coz I is black?

 

[Bill_Oddie]

Settle down class. Welcome back to the second half of our Parents Evening here at Spurs Community College.

Before we restart your reports, I must just announce the winner of our raffle: Mr N. Somnia

Mr Somnia wins a pair of glasses and extra English lessons to improve his reading. In my last address I had mentioned that they were solely the first batch of our reports. Must try harder, Mr Somnia. Plus, the race relations board are waiting in the school car park for you.

Ok, so onwards...


Spurs_Q8:
Our exchange student from the Land of the Pharoahs has done superbly well, thus far. Although his form tutor expressed concerns about the doodles of Professore Mido and the 'I Heart Dr Ghaly' messages that adorn his notebook.

Points thus far: 34
Predicted Grade: A

Joycer:
Runner-Up in last terms competition, he will be disappointed to see so many students overtake him. However, his results are reasonable enough for him to be entered for the higher level examinations at the end of term. And no, i have no idea what that means.

Points thus far: 26
Predicted Grade: B-

sloth:
sloth is a credit to his parents and educators. A man who has used his minimal intelligence effectively to garner consistently decent scores. A pleasure to teach.

Points thus far: 30
Predicted grade: B+

mido_99:
magnificent performance from another of our visiting 'Mido Supporters Club'. I fear that next term when the Bulgarian exchange students arrive and dominate our teacher's time, that mido-99 and friends will find themselves alienated. That will be the ultimate test of their character, I imagine.

Points thus far: 41
Predicted Grade: A+

yidoz:
Solid. Consistent. Thats it.

Points thus far: 27
Predicted Grade: C

Nidgeous:
Last term, Nidgeous excelled himself by winning the schools blue riband event 'The SC Official Predictor'. This term he looks unlikely to reach those heights and I am forced to ask some difficult questions about the possibilities of Nidgeous taking illegal performance-enhancing drugs last term.

Points thus far: 31
Predicted Grade: C+

Martin_Yid-Ol:
Scottish. So actually, quite good.

Points thus far: 31
Predicted Grade: C+

BoringOldFan:
My fellows masters had no idea what his examination papers were all about. I fear he is the victim of some kind of brain-eating parasite. We have a name for these kind of people at this school. We call them 'People who eat at the school cafeteria'.

Points thus far: yes, probably
Predicted Grade: no, almost certainly not.

lennon4england:
When his form tutor saw 'lennon4england' scrawled on this students notebook he mistook it for some obscene homosexual graffiti about John, the former Beatles star and Mike, the ex-Spurs player. We havn't seen the tutor since, but it hasn't stopped L4E doing really rather well this term.

Points thus far: 38
Predicted Grade: A

werty:
Quite my favourite name to type, and especially enjoyable as werty (that really does feel nice) is top of the class. Or, as he's Irish, should I say 'Top o' da claaaass'? No, I suppose not.

Points thus far: 43
Predicted Grade: A++

Tottenham_Hotspur:
If it were not for his silly 'non-Spurs' predictions, this student could perhaps be expecting to challenge for 'top of the class' himself. As it is his stupidity and reluctance to take his studies seriously mean he languishes.

Points thus far: 31
Predicted Grade: C+

furnish:
I spent the term believing this student to in fact be 'Elton John's Partner (his official Christian name) David Furnish'. After a higghly embarrassing incident in the common room lavatories, I found out I was mistaken.

Points thus far: 25
Predicted Grade: A (as long as he keeps schtum)

littlemandefoe:
Despite cheating in the end of term assessment, he still got the answers wrong. Would struggle to defeat a brick wall in our annual spelling bee.

Points thus far: 15
Predicted Grade: D-

Defsta:
Rubbish. And sadly on suspension at present, due to continual use of the word **** at the teachers, who he compares to SS-Nazis. Not that they aren't NAZI's you understand. It's just that we don't call them ****s.

Points thus far: 9
Predicted Grade: F

Insomnia:
According to his examination paper, Mr N. Somnia 'ain't no chicken'. The invigilators take a dim view of 'spoiling' examinations Mr Somnia. Be warned.

Points thus far: 22
Predicted Grade: C

BomberH:
Currently working on a desk in solitary confinement in the medical bay. We still haven't been able to prove that the video cameras in the girls toilets (and I mean 'in') were his work, but, I mean...come on!

Points thus far: 3
Predicted Grade: U

jermainIStheman:
Master Stheman, were he American, could claim to have ‘gotten good grades’. However, he is English, so should know better than speaking that kind of drivel.

Points thus far: 27
Predicted Grade: B-

knilly
I use this student’s name most often in response to the question: Does he have a good brain? I say “He is knilly a genius”. That’s a lie though. He is far from a genius.

Points thus far: 16
Predicted Grade: D

NickHSpurs:
Mediocrity personified. On careers day when asked what he would like to be when he grows up he even said “Mediocre”. Well, actually he said “Chartered Accountant”, but it amounts to the same thing.

Points thus far: 26
Predicted Grade: B-


Finally, 3 students turned up late for their exams and while their grades will not be marked by the examiners, as an example, I encourage you to jeer and hiss at their names. Stand up please: Nick, Edgar_Davids, and stevenqoz.

Booooooooooooo!
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
Hisssssssssssssss!

Naw, as those three reprobates are led off for their obligatory ‘bog-wash’, I invite you to join in the singing of the school anthem.

I guess that’s why they call him Kaboul
Like B.A. said, I pity the fool
Who tangles with Younes
He’s harder than Souness
We worship his Jew-ness
(He’s more than just cover)
And I guess that’s why they call him Kaboul.

:dance: dancey :dance:

Amen.

 

[Houdini]

I really should stray a bit further that the Spurs chat and the arcade now and again, i didnt know about this comp!

 

[Jody]

I really should stray a bit further that the Spurs chat and the arcade now and again, i didnt know about this comp!

theres an arcade on here?